Knowledge is at the heart of our work

Every National Infertility Awareness Week, we like to reflect upon the true meaning of “infertility awareness”. All year, we take every chance we get to increase awareness of infertility in an effort to provide proactive fertility education and de-stigmatize all paths to parenthood.

This is important because infertility can feel incredibly isolating due to lack of openness and understanding from the general public. While infertility does not discriminate, it often catches its victims off guard. Due to a lack of awareness (or just a lack of acceptance), we’re taught from an early age that getting pregnant is easy. In reality, this isn’t the case for everyone — one in four American couples struggle to conceive — and the additional stigmatization of infertility just kicks those suffering from it while they’re down. 

We’re here to change that. Myself and my co-founders all experienced challenging journeys to build our families, and we know, first-hand, that words matter. So this National Infertility Awareness Week, we’re proposing a vocabulary overhaul when it comes to outdated and straight-up offensive fertility terminology. 

Here are several fertility terms we commonly hear — in doctor’s offices, news articles, and more — that we think need to be replaced:

Fertility

• “Insurance policy” → optionality: when a woman decides to freeze her eggs, she's giving herself optionality should she experience fertility challenges down the line. While Cofertility’s mission with Freeze by Co is to enable more proactive, empowering egg freezing, we are always transparent about the fact that egg freezing is never an insurance policy.
• Poor sperm quality → sperm-related challenges: when a man experiences low sperm count or motility, or irregular morphology that may result in an unsuccessful fertilization or pregnancy. The same can apply to “poor egg quality,” and we support a similar change to reference egg-related challenges.
• Inhospitable uterus → uterine challenges: when uterine conditions, like endometriosis, cause difficulty getting or staying pregnant.
• Poor ovarian reserve → diminished ovarian reserve: when a woman’s egg count is lower than average for her age.
  

Egg donation and surrogacy

• Donor mother/parent → egg donor: the woman who donated her eggs to fertilize an embryo resulting in a child is an egg donor. The intended parents are that child’s parents, full stop.
• Surrogate mother → gestational carrier: Similar to “donor mother,” a gestational carrier, while doing an amazing thing (carrying the pregnancy of a transferred embryo using another woman’s egg) is not that child’s mother. Gestational carriers are incredible, but should not be confused with a child’s actual parents. 
• Anonymous egg donation → non-identified egg donation: we believe anonymous egg donation is a thing of the past — not only can it have negative effects upon donor-conceived children, it’s also unrealistic with the rise of consumer genetic testing. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recently recommended this lexicon replacement as well. At Cofertility, we discuss the concept of disclosure at length with all donors and intended parents. You can read more about our stance on “anonymous” egg donation here.
• Buying eggs → matching with an egg donor: No one involved in this process should feel like eggs are being bought or sold (that goes for the egg donor, the intended parents, and the donor-conceived person). Rather, working with an egg donor is a beautiful way of growing a family and should feel the opposite of transactional. 
• “Using” an egg donor → working with/matching with an egg donor: An egg donor should feel like a perfect fit with your family and someone who should be respected, not “used”. Our unique model — where women can freeze their eggs for free when they donate half of the eggs retrieved to another family — honors everyone involved. Learn more here! 
  

Pregnancy loss

• Spontaneous abortion → pregnancy loss: Honestly, this term is beyond cruel given what it describes — losing a pregnancy prior to 20 weeks.
• Implantation failure → unsuccessful transfer: When an IVF embryo transfer doesn’t result in a success, that doesn’t mean it — or your body — was a failure. 
• Chemical pregnancy → early pregnancy loss: Calling a pregnancy “chemical” discredits what it actually is — a pregnancy. And losing it should be categorized as such. 

Let’s hold ourselves accountable

During National Infertility Awareness Week, consider this our rally cry for evolved terminology around the #ttc process. We’ll plan to hold ourselves accountable, but beyond talking the talk, we aim to walk the walk. 

Our goal is to make the actual family-building process more positive and accessible for anyone pursuing third party reproduction. With Family by Co, all egg donors give half of their eggs retrieved to intended parents and freeze the other half for themselves for free to preserve some of their own fertility for the future. This way, they’re able to give a life-changing gift, but also consider their own ambitions and lifestyle choices. We feel this is significantly more ethical than other donation options out there, and our intended parents love the transparent nature of our platform. 

Let’s challenge each other to evolve the surrounding verbiage. Because the family-building process should feel as good as possible, in spite of challenges along the way.

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

In vitro fertilization (IVF) using donor eggs has become an increasingly popular option for couples struggling with infertility as well as LGBTQ+ families. One question that often arises is whether it is possible to choose the gender (sex) of the baby when doing donor egg IVF. In this article, we will explore the answer to this question.

First off, let’s understand gender vs. sex

Gender and sex are two distinct concepts that are often used interchangeably, but they refer to different aspects of a person's identity. 

Sex refers to the biological and physiological characteristics that define a person as male, female, or intersex. This includes chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive organs. In most cases, a person's sex is determined at birth based on their physical anatomy. 

Gender, on the other hand, refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, and expectations that are associated with being male, female, or non-binary. Gender is often expressed through a person's appearance, clothing, interests, and personality traits. It is a complex and multifaceted aspect of identity that can vary widely between cultures and over time. 

It's important to note that gender and sex are not always aligned, and it's possible for a person's gender identity to differ from their biological sex. While “gender selection” is the term traditional used, it’s actually “sex selection” of the embryo. 

What is gender selection and how does it work?

To answer this question, it’s important to understand the IVF process. During IVF, eggs are extracted from a woman's ovaries and fertilized with sperm in a laboratory. Once fertilized, the resulting embryos are monitored for development before being transferred to the uterus of the intended mother or a gestational carrier. In donor egg IVF, the eggs used for fertilization come from a donor, rather than the intended mother.

Gender selection with IVF is a process in which a family finds out the sex of the embryos before the embryo is transferred. This is typically done using preimplantation genetic testing (PGT), a procedure in which a small number of cells are taken from the embryos during their development in the laboratory, and their DNA is analyzed to determine their sex.

There are various reasons why someone may want to use gender selection through IVF. One common reason is “family balancing”, where a parent may want to have a child of a particular gender to balance out the gender distribution in their family. For example, a couple with three daughters may want to try for a son.

Another reason is related to genetic disorders that are linked to a specific gender. Some genetic disorders, such as hemophilia, are more common in males, and parents who are carriers of the gene may want to select a female embryo to reduce the risk of passing on the disorder to their child.

Can I select my baby’s gender when doing donor egg IVF?

When it comes to choosing the gender of the baby in IVF, it is possible to do so through PGT. As stated above, PGT is a procedure in which a small number of cells are taken from the embryos during their development in the laboratory, and their DNA is analyzed to determine their sex. The embryos of the desired sex can then be selected for transfer.

However, it's important to note that PGT is not 100% accurate. The technology used to analyze the embryos is highly sophisticated, but it is not perfect. There is still a small margin of error (<1%) that can result in the wrong gender being selected for transfer.

Some fertility clinics have guidelines around gender selection, and will only transfer the best quality embryo based on morphology. Furthermore, PGT testing for sex selection can add time and cost to your journey.  

Is gender selection ethical?

Gender selection for non-medical reasons raises some ethical concerns, and some countries even have laws that prohibit it for non-medical reasons.

Some argue that gender selection perpetuates gender stereotypes and reinforces the idea that one gender is preferred over another.  Other critics argue that allowing gender selection could lead to a slippery slope of other forms of selective breeding, such as selecting for traits like intelligence or athleticism. Furthermore, gender selection is expensive and may only be available to those with the financial means to access it, creating a divide between those who can afford it and those who cannot. Overall, the ethical considerations of gender selection are complex and depend on individual circumstances. 

Conclusion

There are various reasons a family may want to choose a baby’s gender while undergoing donor egg IVF. From medical reasons to family balancing, it’s important to talk to your doctor if gender selection is important to you. Remember, gender selection of embryos is not always accurate, and there is a small margin of error that can result in the wrong sex being selected. Ultimately, the most important goal of any fertility treatment should be the health and well-being of the baby and the family.

Using donor eggs can be a life-changing experience for couples struggling with infertility. For many, it is the best way to achieve a successful pregnancy and start a family. However, using donor eggs can sometimes be an overwhelming process, and there are many things that you may not be aware of until you start the process. In this article, I will lay out some things that you should know about using donor eggs.

If you’ve done IVF before, you know the drill

IVF can be broken down into three phases: 

1. The retrieval phase, where the eggs are matured and extracted
2. The embryo phase, where eggs are fertilized and monitored in the lab
3. And the transfer phase, where an embryo is transferred to the uterus of the intended mother or gestational carrier

With donor eggs, the egg donor undergoes the retrieval and then her job is done. The eggs are then fertilized with the sperm of the intended father (or a sperm donor) and grown for three to seven days under the careful eye of a trained embryologist. At this point, some families opt to do genetic testing. Once the embryo is ready, the intended mother, or a gestational carrier, takes over to carry the pregnancy to term.

Unless your doctor has determined that it is impossible or dangerous for you to safely carry a pregnancy, you can absolutely undergo IVF and get pregnant with donor eggs. 

Choosing an egg donor is a huge decision

Finding an egg donor can be a challenging and time-consuming process, and rightfully so! You want to ensure that you find the right match that you feel good about. When choosing a donor, it's essential to consider factors such as physical traits, medical history, and personality. At Cofertility, we have hundreds of pre-qualified donors ready to be matched. You can create a free account to begin your search. 

Medical screening of the donor will help increase your chances of success

Donors are screened for various genetic and infectious diseases before they can donate their eggs. This screening process is designed to ensure that the donor is healthy and that there is minimal risk of passing on any genetic or infectious diseases to the recipient or the baby. Additionally, their ovarian reserve is tested to help ensure that they are likely to produce enough mature eggs. The screening definitely adds time to the process, but is intended to help increase your chances of success.  

You’ll need a lawyer who specializes in third-party reproduction

There are state-specific legal considerations to be aware of when using donor eggs. It's essential to have an iron-clad legal agreement in place that outlines the terms of the donation and the rights and responsibilities of all parties involved. No clinic will accept a patient and egg donor without this contract in place. If you work with Cofertility, we will help ensure you and your donor have expert lawyers drafting this contract.

Donor eggs can increase your chances of success

Around 53 percent of all donor egg cycles will result in at least one live birth. This percentage varies depending on the egg donor, recipient body mass index, stage of embryo at transfer, the number of oocytes retrieved, and the quality of the clinic.

At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs. 

The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.

It might get emotional

Using donor eggs can be an emotional journey for intended parents. It can create feelings of loss, sadness, anger, and possibly even shame. You may feel a deep sense of grief over not having a genetically linked child. Give yourself space to express your feelings and time to process this loss. Avoidance and distraction can only be helpful for so long. Allow yourself to sit with your feelings. Give yourself permission to move forward at your own pace.

Remember, DNA is a small part of who we are. All human beings are 99.9 percent identical in their genetic makeup and nurture plays an enormous role in who we become and who we bond with.

It will be expensive

IVF alone is expensive, and then there’s donor eggs. The total cost can end up being tens of thousands of dollars, depending on the clinic, the egg donor, and if your insurance or employer covers any of it. 

Know this: our donors aren’t doing it for the money. At Cofertility, our donors freeze their eggs for free in exchange for donating half of the eggs to your family. This saves families tens of thousands of dollars on donor compensation. 

You won’t regret it

Ask anyone who has had a child, born with or without some type of assistance, and they will all tell you the same thing: parenting is the greatest - yet hardest - thing they have ever done. It doesn’t matter how the child came into their lives, the role and relationship of parent and child is the same. 

When working with parents who had donor conceived children, their only real regret was they wished they had done this sooner. They wished they had let go of their preconceived notions that a baby who looks like them or who shares their genes is the only way to be a parent. That bringing a child into their lives using alternative methods means the child won’t see them as their real parent, or that they will not bond.  Read more in Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs?

In summary

Using donor eggs can be an excellent option for couples struggling with infertility. It's important to be aware of the various factors involved, including finding a donor, medical screening, legal considerations, success rates, emotional impact, cost, and talking to your child. With the right support and information, using donor eggs can be a positive and fulfilling experience, leading to the creation of a loving and happy family.

If you're in your 40s or 50s and looking to grow your family, you may be considering IVF with donor eggs. In fact, according to the CDC, a substantial 12% of all IVF cycles in the U.S. involve eggs retrieved from a donor. Donor-egg IVF has the highest success rate of any fertility treatment. But is there an age limit for intended parents pursuing this path? Let's take a look:

Parent age and egg donor IVF

Age is one of the biggest factors in the ability to get pregnant. And even with IVF, the chances of success with our own eggs declines as we reach our 40s. The great part about IVF is that you can find out if an embryo is genetically normal (and thus less likely to miscarry) before you attempt a transfer. This can save time and heartache. 

Data from the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART) shows the following chances of a live singleton birth using your own eggs via IVF:

• 38.3% for women 35-37
• 25.1% for women age 38-40
• 12.7% for women age 41-42
• 4.1% for women over 42

It’s important to remember that your age when you (or your gestational carrier) get pregnant is not as important as the age of the eggs. That means your chances of success getting pregnant, no matter your age now, is better with younger eggs. But how do you get younger eggs? For some lucky women, they can use eggs they froze years ago. But for most of us, getting younger eggs means turning to egg donation. 

My age vs. my donor’s age: which is more important?

Studies show that your chances of success using donor eggs does not diminish in your 40s. So while getting pregnant with your own eggs may be unlikely, using donor eggs can greatly increase your chances of a successful and healthy baby well into your 40s and even 50s.  

Many women in their 40s and 50s can carry a pregnancy when using donor eggs, although some need to use a gestational carrier for a variety of reasons. 

Is there an age limit for IVF with donor eggs?

Technically, there is no age limit (legal or otherwise) in the United States for pursuing IVF with or without donor eggs.  But ASRM discourages IVF for women older than 55, and some clinics set their own age limits for patients they will treat. 

For women over 45 years old, ASRM advises:

• “Comprehensive” medical testing for cardiovascular and metabolic fitness to ensure the safety of the mother and baby during pregnancy 
• Psychosocial evaluation to determine if support is in place to raise a child to adulthood
• Counseling patients on potential increased medical risks related to pregnancy

For families using donor eggs and a surrogate, ASRM would advise that the family undergo psychological evaluation to ensure the parents are equipped to raise the child at an older-than-average age. 

Supporting mothers of all ages

There is no age limit for men having children and there is no maximum age for US domestic adoption – so why would we put an age restriction on mothers via egg donation? Generally, these restrictions are for her own health during pregnancy. 

All pregnancies have risks, and pregnancy after 50 is no exception. One small study followed 45 healthy mothers ages 50-63 who used donor eggs, and found that 35% experienced pregnancy-related hypertension (high blood pressure), 20% experienced gestational diabetes, and 78% had a cesarean section. These numbers are higher than the general population. 

But what if a gestational carrier (surrogate) carries the donor egg pregnancy? Then the argument turns to the ability to parent. 

ASRM lays out some compelling arguments in favor of donor egg IVF for women over 45:

• Older people (grandparents) raise children all the time in our society, and successfully at that. So there’s no reason to think older parents wouldn’t have the physical and psychological stamina for raising children.
• Older men often have children, and there is no set age limit for males in IVF. So why create limits for women?
• Our society respects the rights of individuals to make reproductive choices regardless of age or life expectancy. For example, we don’t ban someone with a terminal illness from becoming a parent. So why stop someone else because of their age?

Benefits of having children later

Becoming a parent at an older age certainly has pros and cons, and is different for everyone. But here are some benefits to having children in your 40s and 50s:

• Financial security: older parents tend to have more financial freedom and savings, making the financial commitment of parenting less daunting.
• Emotional maturity: Older parents feel more ready and mature. In a study of older parents, 72% of mothers and 57% of fathers expressed that the emotional maturity associated with age provided a clear advantage to having children later in life.
• Smoother parenting: One study found that older maternal age was associated with fewer behavioral, social and emotional difficulties
• More life experiences: People who start families later in life have had more opportunity to check things off their bucket list – travel, work accomplishments, hobbies – and may not feel like parenting is as much a compromise in their lives. Plus, they have more to teach their littles! 

Summing it up

There is no formal age limit for pursuing donor egg IVF, although ASRM discourages it for women over 55 and fertility clinics may set their own age limit. Anyone over 45 is recommended to undergo comprehensive medical testing, counseling, and a psychosocial evaluation. There are pros and cons to becoming a parent at any age, and these should be carefully considered when making the decision. 

FAQ

What is “advanced maternal age” (over 35) “advanced reproductive age” (over 45)

Advanced maternal age is a not-so-great term used by the medical community to describe a potential pregnancy for women over 35. Advanced reproductive age refers to women over 45.  Interestingly, there is no similar term for males trying to conceive at any age. 

Am I too old to become a parent?

This is a question only you can answer. How is your health? Do you have a support system that could help raise the child if anything were to happen to you? Are you financially ready? These are questions any parent, at any age, should ask before building a family. 

What is donor egg IVF?

Donor egg IVF is an IVF cycle that uses a young, medically-cleared woman's eggs, which are then fertilized and implanted into the uterus of the intended mother or gestational carrier. 

How can I find an egg donor?

Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. Create a free account today to get started!

When it comes to egg donation, you may be wondering if the blood type of the egg donor matters. While it is not necessary for the donor to have the same blood type as either parent, it’s helpful to understand how blood types work. In this article, we’ll review the blood types, how they are inherited, and when blood type matching matters. 

What are blood types?

Blood types are determined by the presence or absence of certain antigens, or proteins, on the surface of our red blood cells. Blood types include A, B, AB, and O. Blood type A has the A antigen, blood type B has the B antigen, blood type AB has both A and B antigens, and blood type O has neither A nor B antigens.

Within each blood type, there is a positive or negative (A+, A-, and so on). The positive or negative sign next to the blood groups is known as the Rhesus (Rh) factor. Rh factor is independent of blood type. It is determined by the presence or absence of a specific antigen on the surface of red blood cells. If a person has the Rh antigen, they are Rh-positive. If they do not have the Rh antigen, they are Rh-negative. Most people, about 85%, are Rh-positive.

According to the San Diego Blood Bank, the average distribution of the blood types in the United States are:

• O Positive (O +): 38%
  

• O Negative (O -): 7%
  

• A Positive (A +): 34%
  

• A Negative (A -): 6%
  

• B Positive (B +): 9%
  

• B Negative (B -): 2%
  

• AB Positive (AB +): 3%
  

• AB Negative (AB -): 1%
  

How is a child’s blood type determined in egg donation?

A baby's blood type is determined by the combination of genes inherited from the egg and sperm. Each passes on one of their two ABO alleles to the child. The combination of these alleles determines the baby's blood type. For example, if the egg donor is type A and the biological father (or sperm donor) is type B, the baby could be type A, type B, type AB, or even type O. 

Unless both the egg donor and intended father have blood type O, in which case the baby would definitely be type O, you would need a blood test to determine the baby's blood type.

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But remember how we said everyone also has an Rh factor, that plus or minus after the letter? A child inherits one Rh allele from the egg donor and one from the intended father. If both are Rh-positive, then the child will be RH-positive. If both are Rh-negative, then the child will be Rh-negative. If one is Rh-negative and the other is Rh-positive, then the child could be either. 

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Does the egg donor determine the blood type of the child?

The blood type of a child is determined by the combination of genes inherited from the egg and sperm. Each contributes one of two possible alleles (versions) for each gene that codes for the blood type. The Rh blood group system is determined by another gene on chromosome 1 that has two alleles: D and d. The D allele codes for the RhD protein, and the d allele codes for no Rh protein.

While the egg and sperm decide the genetic makeup of the child, they do not have control over the specific alleles that the child inherits. That is determined by the process of meiosis, which randomly selects which sperm or egg cell will fertilize the other.

What is Rh incompatibility?

Rh incompatibility occurs when a pregnant woman (either an intended mother or gestational carrier) who is Rh-negative carries a baby who is Rh-positive. Her immune system may recognize the baby's Rh-positive blood cells as foreign and produce antibodies against them. This can cause her immune system to attack and destroy the baby's red blood cells, leading to a condition called hemolytic disease of the newborn (HDN). HDN can cause serious complications for the baby, including anemia, jaundice, brain damage, and even death. 

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It’s important to know if you’re at risk for HDN. But the good news is that HDN can be prevented by administering a medication called Rh immunoglobulin (RhIg) or Rhogam to the mother or gestational carrier during pregnancy, which helps prevent her body from making antibodies against the baby's blood cells.

If you or your gestational carrier are Rh negative, consult with your doctor about choosing a donor who is Rh positive. 

Is it possible for a child to have a different blood type than both of its parents?

Yup! As you can see in the chart shared  above, there are many cases where a child would have a different blood type from their biological parents. For instance, if the egg donor was blood type A and the intended father was type B, the child could be blood type O.

Why would someone want an egg donor with the same blood type?

There are a couple reasons someone might want an egg donor with a specific blood type.

First, they may want to avoid rare blood types in the rare situation that the child would need a blood transfusion.  Blood transfusions can only be given to individuals with compatible blood types. For example, if someone with blood type A receives a blood transfusion from someone with blood type B, their body may react negatively and cause serious health issues. Remember though, unless both the egg donor and intended father are type O (in which case the only option is for the child to be type O), there is no guarantee that a child will be the same blood type as one parent. 

Second, blood type can also play a role in pregnancy and childbirth. If a mother or gestational carrier is Rh-negative and the baby is Rh-positive, the mother's body may produce antibodies that attack the baby's red blood cells, which can lead to a condition called hemolytic disease of the newborn. However, this is treatable and not a reason to pass on an egg donor.

Third, some parents may want to increase the chances of their child having (or not having) a certain blood type. There is some evidence that certain blood types are more protective against certain health conditions like heart attacks, memory loss, and cancer. 

Lastly, parents who do not plan on telling their child about their donor-conceived origins may want to have a child with similar blood type. Although this is your family and you get to decide how / if  to tell your story, research has shown over and over the importance of openness and honesty in telling children their conception story and telling it early.  

Is it better to find an egg donor who has the same blood type as myself?

So does blood type matter?  It is not necessarily "better" to find an egg donor who has the same blood type as yourself. It’s helpful to know the blood type of the donor, but blood type doesn’t need to be a reason to choose a donor, and most parents have other attributes that are more important to them.

As mentioned above, having an egg donor who is the same blood type as the intended mother or gestational carrier can help reduce the risk of Rh incompatibility between the baby and the intended mother, which can cause serious complications for the baby if not treated. However, blood type matching is not necessary for egg donation, and many successful pregnancies and healthy babies are born from egg donation despite not having a blood type match.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to find an egg donor with the same blood type as yourself should be made in consultation with a fertility doctor, who can provide more information and guidance on the risks and benefits of blood type matching in your specific situation.

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

For some intended parents, choosing an egg donor can be a complex and emotional process. For others, it’s an exciting journey. And for everyone, choosing an egg donor is a personal decision that requires careful consideration, and a clear understanding of the process. 

In this article, we will guide you through the key factors to consider when selecting an egg donor to help you make the best decision for your family. From evaluating the medical history, personality, to considering the level of privacy and disclosure status, we will cover all the important elements to help you find the perfect match for your family. 

Whether you are just beginning your journey or are well on your way, this comprehensive guide will provide you with the information you need to make informed and confident choices. 

Factors when selecting an egg donor

When you work with Cofertility, you start by making a free account and browsing the profiles of hundreds of pre-qualified donors. Once you have your account, you can sort by a number of factors:

• Race
• Heritage
• Jewish ancestry
• Hair color
• Eye color
• Height
• Level of education
• School (if it’s Top 100, Top 50, Ivy League)
• Hair’s natural state (e.g. straight, curly)
• Personality (introvert, extrovert, ambivert)
• Thinker (left brain, right brain)
• And disclosure preference (see more on that below)

Once you go into the profile, you’ll be able to really get to know the member. Additional information included in the profile include:

• Photos from childhood and current day
• Dominant hand
• If they have dimples
• If they have freckles
• BMI
• Degree earned and major
• Job/career details
• Languages spoken 
• Musical instruments played
• Aptitudes in math, science, athletics, music, and art
• What school subjects they enjoyed the most and least
• Hobbies, interests, talents
• Short-term and long-term goals in life
• Greatest strengths
• Favorite book, movie, and food
• Detailed health record including blood type, allergies, medications, and health history for the donor and their family

We’ve made these profiles to really share the human-side of each donor. We are so fortunate to have an amazing group of women as part of our Split Program, where donors get to freeze their eggs for free in exchange for donating half to your family. 

The donor egg selection process

The first step is to review profiles and favorite any donors that really resonate with your family. Here are some things you’ll want to spend time reviewing:

• Medical history: Review the egg donor's medical history to ensure your comfortable with their health history. Our donors have already been pre-qualified, going above and beyond FDA and ASRM-recommended screening guidelines. But that doesn’t mean they won’t have some health history (e.g. allergies, glasses, surgeries) for you to learn about.

• Physical characteristics: If you’re hoping for a donor that looks like you, you’ll want to learn  more about the donor's physical characteristics, such as eye and hair color.
• Personality: Some people also consider the donor's personality, field of study/work, and hobbies to find a match that aligns with their values and interests.
• Privacy and disclosure status: Consider the level of disclosure and openness you prefer in your donor relationship. Some families prefer to have a more open relationship with their donor, while others prefer to keep things more private. Learn more about disclosure here. 

Once you find a donor, you can place a hold so no one else can match with that donor while your doctor reviews her profile. Once you move forward with a match, the donor will undergo a physical examination, psychological evaluation, and full genetic screen. Your doctor will review these results and give us the green light to move forward. We will also ensure that donors are screened for background and education checks.

Does blood type matter?

It’s helpful to know the blood type of the donor, but blood type doesn’t need to be a reason to choose a donor, and most parents have other attributes that are more important to them. Read more about blood types in this article.

How to find an egg donor that looks like you

If you want to increase the chances that the donor-conceived child looks like your family, then you may want to find a donor with similar physical features. Keep in mind – even genetic relatives can look wildly different. And picking a donor that looks like you in no way guarantees the child will look like you or the donor! 

To find an egg donor that looks like you, you will want to use the physical trait filters like hair color, hair type, height, race, and eye color. Simply create a free account to begin searching today.

Disclosed or undisclosed?

One thing that’s important to think through is the type of relationship you want with the donor. 

In a disclosed relationship, you exchange contact information and can communicate directly. The scope and degree of communication (both during and post-match) is what both parties make of it. 

While we don’t offer anonymous donations, in an undisclosed relationship, you do not exchange contact information and only communicate through Cofertility. 

We also ask the donors to consider which type of relationship they prefer, and you can find this info in their profile. Regardless of the relationship you both choose, if both parties are interested, we can facilitate a phone or video meeting between you and the donor during the matching period. This can be done with or without sharing contact information. 

What’s the most important thing when choosing an egg donor?

There are so many variables to consider when choosing an egg donor. And with so many factors to consider, it can be overwhelming to determine what is most important. Ultimately, this is a deeply personal decision. We have some families that tell us the most important thing is that the donor looks just like the intended mother, while others tell us having a donor who is brilliant and went to an ivy league school is what matters most, and others find it crucial that the donor is of the same religion.

When parents ask me what they should be thinking about in choosing a donor beyond physical attributes, I tell them to think about whether or not this is someone they would want to be friends with, or if they could imagine the donor as a younger cousin or sister. 

I would suggest starting with the list of attributes shared above, and determine what are your “must haves” vs “nice to haves”. This will help you shorten the list of potential donors, and find the best match for your family. Most intended parents tell me they felt an immediate connection when they read a profile, and that helped make the decision.

Here are some things that you don’t need to worry about:

• The donor’s location. We work with donors across the US and can either coordinate the donor’s travel, or help get eggs and embryos safely transported between the donor’s location and your clinic.
• If she’s psychologically prepared. You don’t have to worry about this because psychological screening is part of our process at Cofertility, and we coordinate the screening of each donor.
• If the donor is likely to have enough eggs. As part of the medical screen, the fertility doctor will evaluate her ovarian reserve and antral follicle count to determine if an egg retrieval is likely to be successful. 

If you work with Cofertility, we take all the logistics and coordination off your plate to ensure the entire process runs as smoothly as possible.

Summing it up

When you work with Family by Co, you’ll have access to view our donors for free. All women on our platform are incredibly impressive, if we do say so ourselves. 

Once you’ve created an account, you can filter and evaluate egg donor options based on criteria you’ve set forth. Our goal is to be as human-centered, transparent, and ethical as possible — giving you a real glimpse into who all of our donors are as true humans, including their personalities, values, and backgrounds. Of course, this is in addition to their medical profile, genetic history, and more. 

When you select a match, the donor has the opportunity to learn more about you and accept the match, ensuring the matching is the right fit for all before moving forward. And we’ll walk with you every step of the way. You can read more about our matching platform here.

When you're trying to start a family through egg donation, it can feel like you're navigating a maze of unfamiliar terms and unfamiliar people. Who do you need to see? What do they do? And when should you see them? Here, we'll break down the different members of your fertility team and what services they provide, to help you understand who you'll be working with on your family building journey.

Your Primary Care Physician (PCP) is the doctor you see for your general healthcare needs, and they may be the first person you talk to about trying to conceive. They can help you with basic information on fertility and may be able to refer you to a specialist if needed.

An Obstetrician-Gynecologist (OBGYN) is a doctor who specializes in women's reproductive health, and they can provide more detailed information on fertility and pregnancy. If you are planning to carry the pregnancy, this is the person who will be with you on that journey. 

A Fertility Clinic, is a medical facility that specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of infertility, including IVF through egg donation. They are staffed by a team of specialists including reproductive endocrinologists, embryologists, nurses, and counselors, who work together to help couples and individuals achieve their goal of having a family. You may work with one or two clinics depending on the location of your egg donor, and where you agree to do the egg retrieval and embryo transfer.

Your Reproductive Endocrinologist (REI), or fertility doctor, is an OBGYN who specializes in the hormonal and medical aspects of fertility, and treats patients through Assisted reproductive technology (ART). The REI is the one who will manage the egg retrieval process with the egg donor, as well as the transfer of the embryos to the intended mother or gestational carrier.

A Nurse Coordinator at a fertility clinic is a registered nurse (RN) who plays a vital role in the care and management of patients undergoing IVF. They work closely with the entire fertility team, to provide comprehensive care. The specific responsibilities of a nurse coordinator at a fertility clinic may vary depending on the clinic's policies and procedures, but generally includes patient education, scheduling, medication management, and communication. 

The Embryologist also works at the fertility clinic and is the scientist who helps fertilize and grow your embryos! They are in charge of collecting, washing, and preparing sperm samples, fertilizing the eggs in a method called insemination, monitoring the development of the embryos in the laboratory, transferring the embryos to different culture media at specific intervals to optimize their growth, freezing and thawing embryos, and helping select the best-quality embryos for transfer to the uterus. They may also perform preimplantation genetic testing (PGT) on the embryos to screen for genetic disorders before transfer.

An Egg Donation Agency, like Cofertility, is responsible for recruiting and pre-qualifying eligible donors, facilitating a mutual match between you and the donor, overseeing the administrative process, and coordinating the donor’s screening, egg retrieval procedure, and storage. 

At Cofertility, the Member Advocate is the healthcare professional and egg donation expert who supports families and egg donors on their journey. They manage all communication between the two parties and the clinic to ensure that everything runs smoothly. 

The Egg Donor is a woman who donates her eggs to your family. The eggs are fertilized with sperm in a laboratory and the resulting embryos are then transferred to the uterus of the intended mother or a gestational carrier.

Every potential egg donor will have a psychological screen with a licensed mental health professional, or Fertility Psychologist, to make sure she is fully prepared, ready, and understands what it means to serve as an egg donor. Many intended parents also undergo a psychoeducational consultation, which gives them a chance to ask questions and learn more about becoming a parent through egg donation. Similarly, a Fertility Counselor can provide emotional support throughout the process. 

Some clinics have a Financial Counselor on staff to help you navigate the costs of fertility treatments. They can help you understand insurance coverage and financing options. 

A Third-Party Reproduction Lawyer, or Fertility Lawyer, is an attorney who specializes in the legal aspects of fertility treatments that involve the use of sperm, eggs, or embryos from a third party, such as a sperm donor, egg donor, or surrogate. This lawyer will help you navigate the complex legal issues that can arise and provide guidance on the legal rights and responsibilities of all parties involved. 

A Fertility Courier is a specialized service provider who transports and delivers frozen sperm, eggs, and embryos from one location to another. They are responsible for the safe and secure transportation of the biological materials, which are often sensitive and require specific storage conditions. Some families opt to have the eggs retrieved near the egg donor, having the sperm sent to the donor’s clinic, and having the resulting embryos shipped back to their local clinic. All via a fertility courier.

A Cryostorage Facility is a type of laboratory that specializes in the preservation of biological materials at very low temperatures, typically in liquid nitrogen, and will be where any of your embryos are stored in the long-term. Cryostorage is a method of long-term preservation that allows the biological materials to be stored indefinitely, until they are needed later down the road.

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It's important to note that not everyone needs the same team or the same services. Your fertility journey will be unique to you, and the team you work with will be tailored to your specific needs. Don't be afraid to ask questions and advocate for yourself. You deserve a team that supports you and helps you achieve your goals.

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At Cofertility, we have a preferred network of partners across the country that can help with every aspect of your egg donation journey, from the legal contracts to the embryo storage. While reading this list can feel overwhelming, if you work with us, know that we can handle most every interaction.

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Infertility is an incredibly personal and private matter. While some find it easy to share their journey and experience, others find it extremely difficult. Even though egg donation and surrogacy have become increasingly common and openly discussed in the media, you are under no obligation to share the details regarding your path to parenthood with anyone.  However, professional societies and myriad research studies all agree about the benefit of talking to your child early and often about their conception story. But what about telling other people? What about family members, close friends, or other people such as teachers or neighbors? Do they need to know?

Should I tell people my child is donor-conceived?

When using an egg donor to create a family, the idea of talking about it with others can sometimes feel even more difficult and stressful than accepting the fact that a donor egg was required to start a family. Many believe that building a family is deeply personal and believe in privacy and choose not to share details of their child’s conception with  loved ones. And some firmly believe that it is the child’s story to tell and not theirs, as this is their child’s private health information… more on that later.

But there is a big difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy means you have something in your life that you do not want to share with others, not because of judgment or shame, but because privacy helps maintain social boundaries which are important for healthy relationships. Whereas secrecy entails intentionally hiding information due to shame or fear. 

You are by no means obligated to share any details of your parenthood journey with anyone and the choice to share or not to share is yours and yours alone. But if withholding information is based on fear or shame, you may need to have an honest conversation with yourself about the entire process of egg donation and your decision to use that route to become a parent. Because if you are afraid of what others might think about you, you will be inadvertently teaching your child that the way they were conceived is shameful. 

When parents say they are not ashamed of how their child was conceived, but still choose not to tell others, their reasons can include the following: 

• Belief that infertility is personal and none else’s business
• They do not want their child to be treated poorly, or differently by others
• Fear that someone might say something to make the child feel less valuable
• Worry that not being a genetic child might impact inheritance
• Assumption that people would ‘freak out’ at the high tech nature of it all
• Religious reasons 
• Worry about being misunderstood by their community

Another reason some parents don’t want to share with family and friends is because they firmly believe that how a child was conceived is private health information and that information belongs to their child. They strongly believe it is not their story to tell, but their child’s. There is nothing wrong with this train of thought or reasoning. But be prepared. Most likely your child will tell everyone around them, teachers, neighbors etc. Children love to talk about themselves and when given the opportunity are more than happy to share their life story. So be prepared for a lot of questions and for the offended, upset, or hurt people that you did not tell. People may feel betrayed that you chose to ‘hide it’ from them. But, if you hold strongly in your stance that this was not your story to tell, then you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about. Decide with your partner beforehand how you will answer questions and definitely avoid ‘this was his idea, not mine!” And don’t make excuses such as ‘we weren’t sure how you would handle it’ or ‘we were afraid.’ Stick to your reason for not sharing and be honest. 

There are also many reasons why people want to share. When asked why, reasons included the following: 

• They wanted support from family and friends
• People already knew about their infertility issues so it made sense to share 
• They did not want family secrets 
• They wanted to control the information with regards to who knew and how much
• There’s no good reason not to share

It is so important for you, the parent, to have support during the experience of conceiving using third-party reproduction. And even more essential after. Many times parents are so focused on creating a family, they don’t stop to think about what it will be like once the child arrives. Being a parent is not easy and being a parent of a donor conceived person can come with its own unique experiences and challenges. So having a support system around you can be essential. 

Where to draw the line on telling your child’s story

While it might be important to talk to your inner circle, it does not mean you need to tell everyone. Telling may involve only those who are important to you, and will be important to your child as they grow older. At the same time, not everyone needs to know the same things. You may choose to share all the details with a close friend, but only general information with another. You would obviously need to tell your child’s doctor but choose not to share with their teacher. These choices are entirely up to you. But know that this is an ever evolving process and as circumstances change over time, you may also find yourself changing who is told and what they are told. 

Whether you want to be completely open about your egg donor journey or want to keep it to yourself, your story is yours and yours alone. You have the power to decide who to tell and how that story is told. But remember, you can always choose to tell someone later, but you can never untell a person. That is why I always recommend that you write that social media post or text message and then wait a few days or even a few weeks before actually sharing. It is easy to get caught up in emotion and once that emotion settles, you may think differently about what was shared. And something that is posted on social media, is out there. It can’t be erased. And as your child grows older, they may not appreciate that sensitive information pertaining to them was shared. 

If you do want to tell family and friends, decide who you want to tell and what you want to tell. For example, when telling a certain friend, let them know why you decided to tell them - ‘you are important to us and we know you will be important to our child as he/she grows.’ And most importantly let them know what you need from them, ‘I just need an ear to talk things out.’ 

Once you begin sharing, don’t be surprised if somehow someone else - that you did not tell - finds out. Secrets can be hard to keep. So if you really don’t want Aunt Susie knowing, then perhaps that means not telling anyone at all. So many well meaning people divulge secrets without any malicious intent. So you need to really think out how that might impact you, your child, and your relationship with those around you. 

Ultimately, the choice to tell about using an egg donor to create your family is entirely up to you. Whether you want to stay private or are excited to share the details of your journey, you know what is best for you and your family. 

Part of our work is honoring the unique experiences of the humans we are helping create. As such, we are constantly seeking input and advice from the donor conceived community. 

Being donor conceived can mean different things to different people, as their experience is as varied and unique as any other child. Some people who were donor-conceived feel a strong sense of connection to their biological family, while others don’t even think about it. Some are curious about their genetic origins and seek out information about the donor, while others are not interested in learning more. Some people may struggle with questions about identity and family, while others may not feel that their donor conception has had a significant impact on their life. Overall, the experience of being donor conceived can be complex and nuanced, and can vary depending on their upbringing and the level of openness and honesty within their family. 

In this article, we  share the unique perspectives of four donor-conceived adults.

The respondents:

• Emma is a nurse, author, and donor conceived adult who has been vocal about her life experiences 
• Jackson is a 30-something, donor conceived engineer in Florida
• Libby is a donor conceived small business owner from Massachusetts 
• Melissa is egg donor conceived and the VP of Development at the US Donor Conceived Council

How did you find out you were donor-conceived?

Emma: I have always known that I was donor conceived or at least I have no memory of not knowing. My parents made a book about their long journey to create a family and how lucky they were to have me – we read the book as a nighttime story or whenever I wanted to from, I was 2-3 years old. This book meant that we don’t really know when I understood but we have drawings I made of egg and supercells from when I was 5 years old. 

Jackson: I found out I was donor conceived in a funny way, actually. I was 17, about to graduate high school, and I was sitting at a Dairy Queen with my identical twin brother and we both got a Facebook friend request from the same person at the same time, so we thought that was really weird. We responded and asked how she knew us. She said she was our sister, and we didn't believe her - so we asked her the name of our parents. She got it right, so then we went home and asked our dad what this was all about. He then let us know that he was waiting until we were 18 (so a few months from then) to let us know, but they had used an egg donor/surrogate to conceive us after my mom had a number of late term miscarriages. I never felt any resentment towards any party involved (my parents, the egg donor, or the egg donor's children) but it was a bit jarring at the time and definitely weird for her to have reached out to us that way. 

Libby: My moms were very transparent about a multitude of things as I grew up. While they couldn't always keep up with my speedily-moving brain and mouth, they tried their best and always explained things to me thoroughly. The first conversation I remember having about it was in first grade. We had to do some type of family tree assignment - and despite living in one of the most progressive towns at the time, I didn’t have anyone with two moms or two dads in my class. I felt alone and confused when I saw everyone drawing and talking about their mom and dad. I’m sure there were kids who had just one parent or another family member who had guardianship, but I was so focused on why my tree didn’t look the same. 

When I brought my tree home, I had questions and they gave me answers in a developmentally appropriate way. I asked so many questions and they answered every single thing. They connected me with children in the area that were donor conceived or adopted. As time went on, I started to understand that families are families and that’s the end of that. It doesn’t matter what your family looks like, as long as there’s safety and love in it – “love makes a family” was said frequently in my home.‍

I started to understand that families are families and that’s the end of that. It doesn’t matter what your family looks like, as long as there’s safety and love in it – “love makes a family” was said frequently in my home.‍

I thought it was so cool that my donor was willing to help families, and I thought it was equally cool that I had more siblings! I would always wonder what they’d look like and how much we’d look alike. I didn’t think much about the donor as much as I did the siblings.

My two brothers had different donors than me, so we’d always ask our moms about the prominent features that each donor had. For legal reasons, they were unable to disclose much because they weren’t given much information, as the donor wanted to be an “identity release” type of donation – I would be able to make contact with him once I turned 18 if I wanted to. I didn’t have much desire for that though, I just wanted to know my siblings.

Melissa: My parents told my brother and me three weeks before I turned 22. It was so unexpected that at first, I thought they were playing a joke on us. My mother said that it had been on her mind all week and she just decided it was time to come clean, so after a long day of doing post-Christmas returns together she sat us down to break the news.

How has being donor-conceived impacted your life?

Emma: It has meant different things to me throughout life so far. Most significantly it has made me feel special, wanted, and extremely loved in my family. As a child I spoke a lot about it and tried to explain to people whenever relevant. Then I had a period where we talked a lot about features I have that might come from my donor. It was not in any negative way, more curious. As an adult I found out that I was lactose intolerant which I inherited from the donor. Before I started to share my story, my conception did not impact my adult life very much. Today it is a huge part of my life trying to create resources and sharing my experience for others to have some inspiration to navigate the difficult decisions of donor conception 

Jackson: It really hasn't impacted my life in any way. After we found out we were donor conceived, we took a bit to process it and then moved on with life pretty much the exact same and went off to college. My mom is my mom, and I'm glad my parents were able to find a way to have us. We don't really ever talk about being donor conceived, but I will say there is some mystery around my medical history and if anything has popped up in the donor's family history since. I'm sure I could ask my parents to look into it if I really wanted. 

Libby: Being donor conceived impacted my life because I am here, as cheesy as that sounds! My donor was able to help my moms have children and I will always be thankful for that. I’m so unbelievably proud of the family I have and I’m so happy to have expanded my family all across the US by connecting with my donor siblings. One of my donor siblings recently moved closer to me and we met in July of this year, and I consider her to be one of my best friends. I am incredibly passionate about inclusive, accessible, and affirming healthcare – including reproduction services – and being donor conceived is one of the driving forces behind that.

Melissa: Growing up, I spent years feeling like something was… off. Like I didn’t completely see myself on the maternal side of my family. When I first found out I was donor conceived, it was very surreal. I remember just driving around that night in a haze. In a lot of ways though, learning the truth made so much sense. It was almost a relief to know that I wasn’t crazy for feeling out of place my whole life. Nothing had been wrong with me. There was an explanation that entire time. But, it wasn’t a fix-all. There are certain day-to-day experiences that are unique to being donor conceived. Before I knew I was DC, I was unknowingly giving incorrect family medical history to all of my doctors. Between learning the truth and connecting with the donor, I had to tell so many doctors that I actually didn’t know anything about my maternal side. Luckily now I’ve successfully connected with the donor, but so many DCP don’t have that luxury either because they can’t find the donor, the donor has passed away, or the donor refuses to speak to them.

What’s your relationship like with the donor and their family?

Emma: I don’t know my donor. He was anonymous and I have never wanted to learn more about him, and I have never done any DNA testing. I think about him with gratitude but that is all I need so far. 

Jackson: My twin brother and I are Facebook friends with a few of them, since that day at Dairy Queen. We had a few back and forth conversations with them but that's it. We're happy to let them loosely follow along our lives via Facebook but that's the extent I'm comfortable with. I haven't had the desire to meet them or the egg donor in person.

Libby: I do not currently communicate with my donor, but my oldest donor sibling reached out to him and he said he was willing to talk with us whenever. I connected with a majority of my siblings through Ancestry, oddly enough – some of those siblings had already talked with each other for awhile, and we would all just be added to the Facebook group chat once more of us popped up! We did lots of digging to find our donor (we had some information about where he went to school, the years he went, the fraternity he was in, what sports he played, and some other stuff – but no name). I felt like a detective trying to cross-reference the little information we had. Some of us feel differently about talking to the donor, which is completely understandable; so, we agreed to table it for a little while and revisit the idea at a later date. I feel indifferent about contacting him. I’m open to doing it but I don’t feel this burning desire. 

Melissa: It actually took me three years to contact the donor. I dreaded the possibility that she might react poorly. I really didn’t want to be in a position where I was trying to delicately explain the harmlessness of wanting to just know who my own relatives are. Luckily though, I never had to do that. The donor was very receptive to contact. She even acknowledged on her own that it was her ethical duty to share her family medical history, and that I was probably much more surprised to learn I was donor conceived than she was to get a message from me. That validation was meaningful if only because it’s a rare experience for DCP [via anonymous donation]. Now, we talk occasionally over the phone; she lives far from me so we’ve never met in person. She has no siblings or children, which probably makes it easier in some ways. Since we’re both adults, there’s a hint of “what do we do now?” energy, but overall it’s a very civil acquaintanceship and it’s been really cool getting to see how many traits and quirks we share.

What would you tell an intended parent considering using donor eggs to conceive?

Emma: I would tell them to start talking to their child as soon as possible. I think this is very valuable for both parent and child. The parents as they get to rehearse and get familiar with sharing their story before the child starts to ask difficult questions. For the child so that they grow up knowing about their conception story. Research has shown that this is the best for the child and has also been very important to me and my relationship to my parents. 

Jackson: Go for it! It's an incredible thing that can allow you to have the child you always wanted. I'd encourage them to have conversations with the children about being donor conceived at a younger age so it is something they intrinsically know as opposed to finding out at a Dairy Queen at age 17, but I don't think it has to be a requirement if that's not what you want to do as long as you are open and ready to having a conversation with them down the line.

Libby: Research the agency you’re considering to use! Find one that sits well with you. You deserve to feel heard and supported - not just by your loved ones, but by the professionals who will be assisting you throughout this journey. When it comes to egg donation – there are so many companies out there, but a lot of them come at a steep cost and lack psychological support. They feel very transactional because of that. Please be transparent and honest with your child(ren) when they start asking questions. Be willing to explore those feelings and questions with them, whatever they may be. There’s some wonderful children’s literature out there about being donor-conceived and it can help pique their curiosity at an early age. Connect with other families that have donor-conceived children. Remember that using donor eggs does not make you any less of a parent – and that your journey is beautiful and valid.

Melissa:  Overall, I would urge all prospective parents to go with as little anonymity as possible. It really makes a world of a difference to a donor conceived person to have that access and information about their origins from day one. It’s also crucial that you listen to, and learn from, donor conceived adults. This especially includes the ones you don’t want to listen to. The industry that creates us is systematically flawed, so even if you love your children more than anything in the world, that won’t prevent them from having DC-related problems. Learning about the experiences of DCP will ultimately help you support your donor conceived children. Building a family with donor conception doesn’t stop when the baby is born. It will be a part of your family story for the rest of your life, and for the rest of your children’s lives.

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‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

If you are considering using an egg donor to start a family, you may be wondering if there will be a physical resemblance between you and your child. While it is true that the genetic makeup of a child will come from the egg donor and the father (or sperm donor), there are a few factors to consider when thinking about how closely the child may resemble the intended parent. Let’s dive in.

Will my donor-egg child look like me?

The answer is maybe. There is always a chance – whether genetic, adopted, or born through donor eggs – that a child won’t look like you. There’s also a chance that they will! I know plenty of genetically related children that look nothing like their mother or siblings. But I also know a lot of donor-egg children that look *exactly* like their mothers. In fact, I had no idea one of my closest friends used donor eggs to conceive her children until she confided in me when I began my donor egg journey.

Many families choose to match with a donor with similar physical features, especially for unique features like red hair, blue eyes, or being really tall. But keep in mind – picking a donor that looks like you in no way guarantees the child will look like you or the donor! 

What your child will derive from you

While I haven’t seen any research on donor-conceived children and how often they look like their family, we can look to some established research in the adoption space (although it’s not a perfect parallel, since with adoption the child is not genetically related to either parent and with donor eggs the child is often related to the father). 

One famous study of 7,230 parent-child pairs (504 adoptive) looked to see whether there were any physical similarities between parents and children. They found significant similarities in the stature and weight of the adoptees and their parents. This is no surprise, as we know there are non-genetic sources of human dimensional variability. Think about it this way – you may have an innate musical talent, but how musical you end up being depends a lot on nurture and what you are exposed to growing up. The same goes for certain features, like weight.  

“Looking” like someone is often just as much facial expressions and mannerisms as it is facial features. We can look to adoption research to understand attunement, which is how children can soak up their parent’s facial expressions in response to certain events. We know that children pick up physical cues, facial expressions, emotional response, and speech patterns from their parents. So even if you are not genetically related to your child, they may just roll their eyes or giggle the way you do. 

The genetics of donor eggs

When using donor eggs to conceive a child, the egg will be fertilized with sperm, either from the intended father or a sperm donor. The resulting embryo will contain the genetic material from both the egg donor and the intended father (or sperm donor), and will be genetically different from you. However, the child may have physical characteristics that resemble you, your partner, or the donor.

The egg donor's genetic makeup will contribute to the child's genetic makeup. For example, certain physical characteristics such as eye and hair color, skin tone, and facial structure. The egg donor's genetic makeup may also determine the child's risk for certain inherited diseases or genetic disorders. While egg donors do undergo screening for many genetic conditions, it's impossible to screen for every possible genetic disorder. 

All that being said – genetics are complex and many physical characteristics are determined by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. 

Will my baby have my DNA if I use a donor egg?

If you use a donor egg to conceive a child, the child will not have your DNA. The egg used to make embryos will come from a separate individual, the egg donor, and will contain her genetic material. The child will be genetically related to the egg donor, and will share a portion of the same DNA as the egg donor, and will not have any of your DNA (unless, of course, that egg donor is a relative of yours).

However, the child will be related to you in a legal and social sense as you will be the parent raising the child. You will have a legal relationship with the child as the parent, and you will have a social relationship with the child as the caregiver and nurturer.

Additionally, if you are able to carry the pregnancy, that will play a huge role. While the egg donor contributes 50% of the DNA to the genetic makeup of the child, research discussed in a 2014 Frontiers in Cell and Developmental Biology article shows that it is actually the birth mother who determines which of these genes get turned on or off. Things like maternal diet, stress during pregnancy and smoking can all make a difference in what genes get expressed.

Is an egg donor considered the biological mother?

An egg donor is considered the biological mother in the sense that she is the one who provides the egg that is fertilized and used to create an embryo. However, the egg donor is not the mother in the traditional sense, as she does not carry the pregnancy or raise the child.  The intended mother (or a gestational carrier) carries the pregnancy and gives birth to the child and raises and shapes the child’s entire life.

An egg donor has no legal rights or responsibilities to the child, and her role is limited to providing the egg for the conception process. It’s important to have the right legal agreement in place with an egg donor. If you work with Cofertility, we will make sure the legal part runs smoothly. 

What about epigenetics? 

Epigenetics refers to the study of changes in the expression of genes that do not involve changes to the underlying DNA sequence. These changes can be caused by a variety of factors, including environmental influences and lifestyle choices.

One factor that can play a role in the epigenetics of a child conceived through egg donation is the mother (or gestational carrier) carrying the pregnancy. The environment and lifestyle choices during pregnancy can affect the epigenetics of the developing fetus. For example, your diet, exposure to toxins, and stress levels can all have an impact on the epigenetics of the fetus.

Additionally, your own health and genetics can also influence the epigenetics of the growing baby. For example, certain genetic variations may affect your ability to detoxify certain chemicals, which can then affect the epigenetics of the fetus.Your own environment and lifestyle choices during pregnancy, as well as your own health and genetics, can all have an impact on the epigenetics of your egg-donor baby. 

Will my donor egg baby feel like mine?

A lot of moms using donor eggs to start a family wonder whether or not the child will feel like "theirs". And the answer is absolutely.  Every parent-child relationship is unique and what may be true for one family may not be for another. For some intended parents, the bond with their child may be immediate and strong, while for others, it may take time to develop. It's important to be open to the possibility that the bond may develop differently than expected, and to give yourself and your child the time and space to grow together.

Consider the role of parenting in forming a parent-child bond. The act of parenting, including bonding through nurturing, feeding, and raising a child, can create a strong emotional connection between a parent and child, regardless of genetics. The same goes for any potential siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents your child may have. 

When I think about the people I am closest to in this world – my step mom, my step sister, my adopted brother, my husband – none of them share my genetics. But they have shaped my life, and we have formed bonds far stronger than I have with many of my genetic relatives. Can you think about people in your life like this to help your mind transcend the idea that bonds are only capable through genetics? I have found this to be a helpful exercise.

Summing it up

It's important to understand that physical traits are determined by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. While the egg donor's genetic makeup will contribute to the child's physical characteristics, other factors such as the child's environment and upbringing can also play a role. 

Remember that inheritance is complex and that other factors such as environment and the characteristics of the egg donor can also play a role. But if physical resemblance is a concern, you may want to consider selecting an egg donor with similar physical characteristics.

We can help! Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

Breastfeeding is a way of providing nourishment to newborns and infants. It has been widely recognized as the best form of nutrition for infants and has many benefits for both the mother and the baby. However, breastfeeding is not always easy and it's not for everyone. 

And if you are pursuing donor eggs to grow your family, you may be wondering if you will be able to breastfeed if the child is not genetically related to you. In this blog post, we will answer all your questions. Let’s dive in!

First off, what are the benefits of breastfeeding? 

There are loads of benefits to breastfeeding, including:

• Nutritional benefits: Breastmilk is the perfect food for infants as it contains all the necessary nutrients in the right proportions, including proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins and minerals. Additionally, breastmilk changes to adapt to the baby's needs as they grow and develop.
• Health benefits: Breastfeeding can reduce the risk of certain illnesses and conditions in both the mother and the baby. For the baby, it can reduce the risk of infections, allergies, asthma, and obesity. For the mother, it can reduce the risk of breast and ovarian cancer, osteoporosis and postpartum depression.
• Bonding: Breastfeeding can create a special bond between the mother and the baby as it involves physical and emotional contact. Additionally, the release of the hormone oxytocin during breastfeeding can promote feelings of calm and well-being in both the mother and the baby.
• Convenience: Breastfeeding can be convenient as it does not require any preparation, bottles, or clean-up and it's always available and at the right temperature!

But – let’s not act like it’s easy. What are the challenges of breastfeeding?

Breastfeeding can be a wonderful experience for both the mother and the baby, but it can also be really hard, or even impossible. Here are a few common challenges that mothers may face when breastfeeding:

• Physical challenges: Breastfeeding can be physically challenging, especially in the first few weeks. Some mothers may experience sore nipples, engorgement, and mastitis. Additionally, some mothers may have difficulty producing enough milk or have a medical condition that makes breastfeeding difficult.
• Time-consuming: Breastfeeding can be time-consuming, especially for mothers who are working or have other responsibilities. It can be difficult to schedule feedings around other activities and it can be challenging to pump and store milk when away from the baby.
• Social and emotional challenges: Breastfeeding can be difficult in social situations and some mothers may feel self-conscious breastfeeding in public. Additionally, some mothers may experience emotional challenges such as postpartum depression or feelings of isolation.
• Limited flexibility: Breastfeeding can limit a mother's flexibility as it requires the baby to be close by and available for feedings. This can make it difficult to travel or have a night out without the baby.

So can I breastfeed a donor-conceived baby if they are not genetically related to me?

Yes – in general, most mothers are able to breastfeed their donor-conceived child. But, it depends on the individual case and the methods used to achieve the pregnancy. 

If you carry the pregnancy, your body will work the same way it would if you got pregnant any other way. Lactation is a biological, hormonal response that occurs during and after pregnancy. Whether your baby was conceived from your own eggs or donor eggs, your body will trigger specific hormones to initiate milk production. So if breastfeeding is easy or hard for you – know that it would be that way regardless of the genetics of the baby. 

Can I breastfeed if I use a surrogate?

Yes – it is possible for some women who did not get pregnant to breastfeed their child; but it’s  not easy. This process is known as induced lactation, a process in which a woman can stimulate milk production through a combination of techniques such as hormone therapy, breast pumping, and/or breast massage.

The process of induced lactation can take several weeks or months, and you’ll need to work closely with a lactation consultant to ensure the process is done safely and effectively. The amount and quality of milk production can vary greatly and in some cases, it might not be enough to fully sustain an infant, therefore the use of formula may be necessary (and that’s OK!).

Induced lactation is not an easy process and it may require a lot of time, effort, and dedication. You should also consider the emotional and psychological aspects of this process, as it may bring up feelings of sadness, disappointment, or loss, especially if the woman has a history of infertility or has gone through a difficult pregnancy.

Will breastfeeding pass on my DNA?

If you breastfeed a donor-conceived child, they will not receive your DNA through the breastmilk. DNA is the genetic material that is responsible for the inherited traits and characteristics of an individual. It is present in every cell of the body and is passed onto offspring through the egg and sperm cells. Breastmilk is produced by the mammary glands and contains a mix of different nutrients, antibodies, and hormones that are beneficial for the growth and development of a baby, but it does not contain DNA.

The benefits of breastfeeding your donor-conceived child

In addition to providing an important source of nutrition and immune support for your baby, breastfeeding can play a significant role in the bonding and attachment between a mother and her donor-conceived child. The act of breastfeeding can release hormones like oxytocin in both the mother and the child, which can help to promote feelings of love, calm and bonding. 

One study of mothers who breastfeed their children found that they exhibit more maternal sensitivity. Maternal sensitivity was defined as the synchronous timing of a mother’s responsiveness to her child, her emotional tone, her flexibility in her behavior and her ability to read her child’s cues. However, the effect sizes were small, so don’t stress out if breastfeeding isn’t possible.

Summing it up

If you have a baby through donor eggs, and you carry the pregnancy, you can breastfeed just as you would otherwise. Even if you use a gestational carrier (surrogate), breastfeeding is still possible, although more difficult, through induced lactation. This is a process in which you stimulate milk production through a combination of techniques such as hormone therapy, breast pumping, and/or breast massage. There are a lot of pros and cons to breastfeeding, and it’s best to work with your provider to determine what’s best for your family. We are wishing you all the best on your journey!

When it comes to starting or expanding a family, many couples and individuals may turn to assisted reproductive technologies (ART) such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) to help them achieve their goal. One aspect of IVF that many patients are offered– whether using their own eggs or donor eggs – is preimplantation genetic testing (PGT). But is it necessary to do PGT testing with embryos made from donor eggs? Let’s dive in and find out. 

What is PGT?

PGT is short for PGT-A, or “Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Aneuploidies,” and you may also hear it referred to as PGS (“Preimplantation Genetic Screening”) or PGD (“Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis”) which are various forms of testing embryos. 

PGT testing looks at an embryo to see if it contains the correct amount of chromosomes. Embryos with the right number of chromosomes — 46 — are considered “euploid,” and those with extra chromosomes or chromosome deletions are considered “aneuploid.” PGT is a way to screen for genetic disorders in embryos created through IVF before they are transferred to the uterus. 

PGT testing and age

Here’s an annoying fact: the percentage of embryos that are euploid decreases as we get older. So not only do we have fewer eggs as we age, but the chances that any one egg turns into a healthy baby decreases too.

One study of over 15,000 embryos found that the lowest risk for embryonic aneuploidy was between ages 26 and 30, and that older age groups had the lowest chance of a genetically normal embryo. 

As you can see, chromosomal abnormalities of embryos are normally due to the age of the egg (or rather, the age of the mother or egg donor at the time the egg is retrieved). Since donors are under the age of 33 and healthy, embryos made with donor eggs have a good chance of being genetically normal. So, is it still worth PGT testing donor egg embryos? That leads us to the next section…  

The upside of PGT testing donor eggs

There are definitely some benefits to testing donor eggs:

• Gender selection. PGT testing allows for gender selection. Most clinics allow you to know each embryo’s gender, which can be helpful for families that have a preference.
• Rule out sperm issues. PGT testing of embryos made from donor eggs may also be suggested for couples with male infertility, especially if the sperm has shown chromosome translocations or abnormalities.
• Pick the healthiest embryos. PGT can detect genetic disorders such as cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs disease, and sickle cell anemia, allowing for the selection of embryos that do not carry these disorders.

The downside to PGT testing

However, a lot of fertility doctors will say it’s okay to pass on genetic testing with embryos made from donor eggs. Here’s why:

• It’s expensive.The cost of PGT can vary depending on the type of testing done and the clinic you're working with, but it can be thousands of dollars. 
• Added time. It can take some testing companies weeks to give you the results. Time goes so slowly during IVF, and adding additional time can be a major downer. 
• False positives or negatives. PGT can be prone to false positives or negatives, meaning an embryo that is genetically normal could be labeled as abnormal, or vice versa. 
• There’s a small risk to the embryo. The biopsy process, which removes cells from each embryo to be sent for testing, has a chance of damaging the embryo. Also because the embryo must be frozen in order to do PGT testing, there’s risk in having to be thawed and unthawed. 

But the biggest downside is that PGT might not even improve the chances of pregnancy for those using donor eggs! Remember that chart you saw above? If embryos are made from donor eggs, where the donor is under 35… the chances of each embryo being euploid is pretty high. 

Let’s look at the data. A 2020 study looked at 1,291 donor-egg cycles across 47 IVF clinics– 262 cycles with PGT testing and 1,029 without. Live birth rates occurred:

• 53.8% of donor-egg cycles with PGT testing 
• 55.8% of donor-egg cycles with without PGT testing

Yes, you read that right. The donor-egg cycles that skipped PGT actually had higher live birth rates than those who paid to have the embryos PGT tested. The researchers concluded that PGT testing in donor egg-recipient cycles does not improve the chance for live birth, nor does it decrease the risk for miscarriage. But it does increase cost and time for the patient. 

Summing it up

PGT can be a useful tool for patients who are at risk for passing on a genetic disorder or have a family history of a particular condition, however it may not be that useful for those using healthy donor eggs. The financial cost, time, false positives or negatives, and risks to the embryo are all important factors to consider. This is definitely a question and conversation you want to have with your doctor who can help you make the best decision. Good luck!

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive.