Shared vs. Separate Egg Donor Cycles: A Guide for Gay Dads

Becoming a parent through egg donation and surrogacy is filled with decisions—some exciting, others logistically and emotionally challenging. For gay couples who both want a biological connection to their child or children, one of the first big questions is whether to fertilize eggs from the same cycle (a shared cycle) or do two cycles. There’s no single “correct” approach, and the decision is rarely made in isolation. Cost, medical considerations, emotional preferences, and long-term family planning all play a role.

This article unpacks the pros and potential drawbacks of both shared and separate egg donor cycles. We'll cover how a shared cycle works and what makes it appealing, what to expect with separate cycles, and the key factors—personal, financial, and medical—to consider before making a choice. If you're a gay dad or couple weighing your options, this guide is designed to help you make a confident, informed decision.

What is a shared cycle?

In a shared cycle, you and your partner work with one egg donor who completes (or has completed) a single retrieval. The eggs from that retrieval are then divided between both dads. Each partner’s sperm fertilizes their half of the eggs, resulting in two sets of embryos—one per dad—created from the same donor.

This option is common among gay couples who want both partners to have a biological connection to the family. It’s often seen as the most efficient way to include both dads, especially when working with a high-quality donor.

Why couples choose this path:

• It’s usually more affordable. Since you’re only paying for one donor cycle, you share costs like donor compensation, medications, legal work, and the retrieval procedure.
• Embryos will share the same egg donor DNA. For families who value a genetic link between siblings, this can be meaningful.
• The process can feel more unified. Some couples prefer the simplicity of planning one shared timeline.
  

Potential drawbacks:

• Egg quantity is limited. Even with a strong donor, a single cycle may not yield enough mature eggs to split and still result in a healthy number of embryos for each dad.
• Outcomes can differ. One dad may end up with more or higher-quality embryos than the other, depending on how each sperm source performs.
• Less flexibility for future siblings. If you hope to have multiple children and use embryos from both partners, you may need to be strategic, or end up doing additional cycles later.
  

What is the two-cycle approach?

In this scenario, the same egg donor completes two separate retrievals. One retrieval’s eggs are fertilized with one dad’s sperm, and the second retrieval’s eggs with the other dad’s. Some couples choose to split both cycles evenly, especially if the number of eggs retrieved varies between cycles, to help ensure fairness and balance.

This option gives each partner a full allocation of eggs to work with, which typically results in more embryos overall and more options for future transfers.

Why couples choose this path:

• Higher embryo yield. Each dad has access to an entire cycle’s worth of eggs, which boosts the chances of having multiple high-quality embryos.
• More flexibility. If one partner’s embryos lead to a pregnancy and the other’s don’t, you still have embryos from both. You can also plan for future siblings with fewer limitations.
• Better balance. With two cycles, you’re less likely to end up in a situation where one partner gets significantly more embryos than the other.
  

Potential drawbacks:

• It costs more. You’re doubling up on egg donor expenses, including medications and clinic fees. It’s a significant investment.
• It takes more time. If you decide to go with a fresh egg donor cycle, not every donor can or wants to do two back-to-back cycles.

How to think about cost

A shared cycle is typically the lower-cost route. You’re covering one retrieval, one set of medications, and one legal process, and you’re splitting those costs between partners. That can make it a strong option for couples with budget limitations or those early in the family-building process. While it may cost slightly more to create embryos with two sperm sources, it is still the lower cost option if enough embryos are created from a single shared cycle than if a second cycle is needed.

That said, the two-cycle approach might make more sense financially if your long-term goal is multiple children and you want to reduce the chance of needing another donor cycle down the line. While more expensive upfront, it can offer more embryos, fewer unknowns, and potentially fewer emotional or financial surprises later.

Embryo numbers and long-term planning

One key question is how many children you’re hoping to have—and whether you want each dad to have a biological connection to at least one child.

If you’re hoping for:

• One child total, a shared cycle might be enough. 
• One child from each partner, it depends on how many embryos result from each half of the split.
• More than two children, or the option to try multiple transfers from each partner’s embryos, a two-cycle approach usually provides more security.

Your clinic can walk you through typical fertilization and blastocyst rates for egg donors and help you model what to expect from a single vs. dual cycle plan. Once you’ve matched with an egg donor, their specific biomarkers (such as her AMH, AFC, and age) can give your doctor additional insight into how many eggs a single cycle may yield, which can help inform your decision-making process around which path is right for you.

Fairness and emotional balance

One reason many couples pursue two separate cycles is to ensure both partners feel equally included, biologically and emotionally. A two-cycle structure gives each dad a full set of eggs, which can make the process feel more balanced from the start. Even if one partner ends up with more or higher-quality embryos, the intent was equitable. That matters for many families.

Shared cycles, on the other hand, can bring more variability. If one partner ends up with significantly fewer embryos—or none—it can lead to difficult conversations or unexpected grief. That doesn’t mean shared cycles are a bad choice, but it does mean couples should talk openly ahead of time about how they’ll handle uneven outcomes.

Some couples navigating a shared cycle choose what’s often referred to as “Intentional Unknowing”. In this approach, sperm from both partners is used to fertilize the donor eggs, and embryos are created without labeling which embryo came from which dad. When it’s time to transfer, embryos are selected and transferred to the surrogate without knowing whose sperm was used to create them. Parentage is discovered only if genetic testing is done later—or not at all.

This method isn’t for everyone, but it appeals to some couples who want just one child, or who want to fully share in the parenting experience without assigning more weight to one biological link over another. It can reduce pressure and reframe the process as one of shared intent rather than genetic outcome. If you’re considering this, talk to your clinic early. Not all programs support it, and it requires careful planning, especially if embryo testing (PGT) is involved.

No matter which path you take, fairness is about emotional clarity, shared expectations, and mutual respect. The more you talk through those pieces before retrieval, the smoother things tend to go later.

Bottom line

There’s no single blueprint for how gay dads should structure egg donor cycles. A shared cycle might be the perfect fit for some families, especially when budgets are tighter or priorities are aligned. For others, two separate cycles offer a stronger sense of balance and long-term flexibility, even if they come with more cost and time.

Whatever you choose, the most important thing is that the decision reflects your values, your partnership, and your goals as future parents. There are many ways to build a family, and what matters most is that it feels right to you.

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Read more:

• Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs
• Preparing for Parenthood as a Gay Couple Using Donor Eggs: Tips from a Fertility Psychologist
• Surrogacy Questions Gay Dads Should be Asking
• 8 LGBTQ+ Friendly Fertility Doctors
• How Hopeful Gay Dads Decide Whose Sperm to Use

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