Fertility Treatment Options as a Single Mom By Choice (SMBC) Over 40

More and more women are choosing to become single moms later in life. If you're over 40 and thinking about starting or expanding your family without a partner, you're not alone—and you’re not without options. For some, this has always been the plan. For others, it may be a choice shaped by how life played out. Either way, it’s a decision that deserves thoughtful consideration, honest information, and nonjudgmental support.

This article helps walk you through the paths that may be available to you, whether you’re thinking about conceiving using your own eggs, donor eggs, or previously frozen eggs, trying IUI or IVF. There’s no one “right” way to become a parent, and this guide is meant to help you understand your fertility treatment choices and move forward with clarity.

Becoming a single mom by choice

Being a single mom by choice (often shortened to SMBC, or single mother by choice) means choosing to parent alone, without a partner, whether by pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption. Some people have always known they wanted to raise children on their own. Others may have hoped to co-parent but decided not to wait any longer. Either way, choosing this path after the age of 40 can come with both additional challenges and unique strengths.

You may already be hearing a lot of opinions from well-meaning friends, doctors, or even strangers. It’s important to center your own values, readiness, and resources in this decision. While this path isn't without stress, it can also be filled with joy, autonomy, and support—yes, even as a solo parent.

Here are some paths to parenthood, in no particular order:

Option 1: IUI with donor sperm

Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is often the first fertility treatment that people consider. It’s less invasive and less expensive than IVF, and can sometimes be done without fertility medications, although medications are often recommended to increase the chances of success.

At 40 and beyond, your chances of getting pregnant with IUI using your own eggs do decline. Estimates vary, but one study found that the live birth rate per insemination for women over 40 was 8.5% per insemination. Still, for some people, trying a few IUI cycles before moving to IVF makes sense.

Things to keep in mind:

• You'll need to choose a sperm donor, either from a sperm bank or known donor.
• You’ll typically undergo cycle monitoring with ultrasounds and bloodwork.
• IUI is done in a fertility clinic, with the procedure often taking just a few minutes once your ovulation is timed.

If you’re eager to try a lower-intervention route and your fertility testing looks promising, IUI may be worth considering, even if just as a stepping stone.

Option 2: IVF with your own eggs

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is more intensive than IUI, but it also comes with higher success rates. IVF involves stimulating your ovaries to produce multiple eggs, retrieving them in a short outpatient procedure, and fertilizing them with donor sperm in a lab. Embryos can then be transferred into your uterus or frozen for future use.

Here’s the truth: age does matter when it comes to IVF success. The chances of a live birth after one cycle vary significantly by age*:

Age 41: 16%

Age 42: 11%

Age 43: 8%

Age 44: 5%

Age 45: 3%

Age 46: 2%

Age 47: 1%

Age 48: 1%

Age 49: 0%

*Data calculated using the CDC IVF Success Estimator for a woman 140 lbs, 5’4”, first time doing IVF, no prior pregnancies, using their own eggs, with no specific infertility diagnosis.

For women 40-42 using their own eggs, the live birth rate per IVF cycle is 11-16%, and it drops to single digit chances after age 43. Many clinics may encourage testing your ovarian reserve (like AMH and antral follicle count) to give you a better idea of what to expect. 

Key things to consider:

• IVF is more physically and emotionally demanding than IUI.
• Costs can be significant, especially if you require multiple cycles.
• You’ll have the option to genetically test embryos before transfer, which some people find helpful for decision-making and gender selection.

Some people try one or two IVF cycles with their own eggs before moving to donor eggs.

Option 3: IVF using previously frozen eggs

If you froze your eggs in your 20s or 30s, they may be a valuable option now. Egg freezing essentially pauses your reproductive age at the time of freezing. So if you froze eggs at 35 and are now 42, those eggs are still considered “35” in terms of fertility potential.

Success depends on the age at which you froze your eggs and how many mature eggs were preserved. Most fertility clinics recommend at least 8-15 mature eggs for a reasonable chance at one live birth, though this can vary. Keep in mind that not every egg will fertilize or grow into a viable embryo.

Key things to consider:

• Thawing, fertilizing, and transferring embryos from frozen eggs is done through IVF.
• Your clinic can walk you through storage, thawing logistics, and what to expect.
• Even with frozen eggs, embryo development and transfer outcomes can vary.

If you have frozen eggs, talk with your fertility clinic about next steps. This can be a helpful path that bridges the gap between using your own fresh eggs and moving to donor eggs.

Option 4: IVF with donor eggs

Using donor eggs can significantly increase your chances of pregnancy if your own eggs are no longer an option—or if you've already tried IVF without success. Donor eggs typically come from women in their 20s or early 30s, and IVF success rates with donor eggs remain high regardless of the recipient’s age.

According to CDC data, the live birth rate from donor egg IVF is over 50% per embryo transfer, sometimes even higher depending on embryo quality and clinic. For people over 40, this is often the option with the highest likelihood of success.

As you can see below, the chances of a live birth using donor eggs does not vary as much by your age if you are the one carrying the pregnancy:

Age 41: 55%

Age 42: 55%

Age 43: 54%

Age 44: 54%

Age 45: 54%

Age 46: 53%

Age 47: 53%

Age 48: 52%

Age 49: 52%

*Data calculated using the CDC IVF Success Estimator for a woman 140 lbs, 5’4”, first time doing IVF, no prior pregnancies, using donor eggs, with no specific infertility diagnosis.

​​If you're considering this path, Cofertility’s unique program offers a better approach to egg donation. Through our egg sharing model, donors aren’t doing it for cash—they keep half of the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate the other half to your family. This model supports donors who are planning for their own future families, which many intended parents find reassuring. It’s a less transactional, more human-centered approach to donor matching that helps build mutual respect and transparency in the process.

Key things to consider:

• You’ll need to decide between frozen donor eggs (more immediately available) and fresh donor cycles (often yielding more eggs). At Cofertility, we offer both.
• Using donor eggs should involve careful consideration of disclosure options.
• The egg donation process is expensive and often not covered by insurance.

Many people who use donor eggs go on to have healthy pregnancies and strong emotional bonds with their children.

Option 5: Surrogacy

Surrogacy is another path to parenthood, particularly for those who can’t or prefer not to carry a pregnancy themselves. For single moms by choice, it’s done through gestational surrogacy, where the surrogate carries an embryo created through IVF using either your own egg or a donor egg and donor sperm (also called Double Donor IVF).

Surrogacy is legally and logistically complex, and it often comes with a high financial cost. Depending on your location and whether you work with an agency, the total cost can range from $100,000 to $150,000 or more. That includes compensation for the surrogate, legal fees, medical costs, insurance, and agency fees (if applicable).

Key things to consider:

• You'll need legal representation to draft a surrogacy agreement
• Surrogacy laws vary widely by state and country
• Building a respectful, clear relationship with your surrogate is important

If you’re using donor eggs and surrogacy together, you can still be the legal and intended parent from the start, even if you don’t share genetics or carry the pregnancy. For some single moms by choice, this route brings peace of mind and a sense of agency in becoming a parent.

Final thoughts

Becoming a single mom by choice after 40 is absolutely possible, but it’s also okay to admit that it’s not always easy. Medical realities, logistics, finances, and emotions all come into play. What’s right for someone else may not be right for you—and that’s fine.

Whether you pursue IUI, IVF, donor eggs, and/or surrogacy, you deserve clear information, real options, and respect for your decisions. No one else gets to define your family or your timeline. If you feel ready to become a parent, there is a path forward.

You’re not alone—and you’re not out of time.

Read more:

• Am I Too Old to Have a Baby In My 40s?
• What You Need to Know About Getting Pregnant In Your 40s
• Thinking About Becoming a Single Mother by Choice (SMBC)? Here’s What the Research Says
• Celebrities Who Had Babies Over 50
• IVF after 40: Should I Use My Own Eggs or Donor Eggs?