egg donation

You already know how difficult it can be to select the right egg donor match for your family. That is why once you have found a potential match, meeting her (either in person, over video, or on a call), can be a great way to finalize and feel confident about your decision. 

Since starting work in this field as a Fertility Psychologist in 2011, I have facilitated many egg donor match meetings. Sometimes the first few minutes are a little awkward and uncomfortable. That is completely normal. That is why having a facilitator can be great as they can help guide the conversation and keep it moving. 

Below are some questions you can ask during your meeting to get to know your egg donor. When preparing for your meeting, it can be a good idea to write down your questions and also write down hers. These can be placed in your child’s book (if you are making one). 

Also, remember, she will likely ask you questions as well. So think about what you want the egg donor to know about you and your family. 

10 questions to ask when meeting your potential egg donor

1. When did you first learn about egg donation and why did you decide to donate?
   Why are you donating to us? Understanding her reasons for wanting to donate can give you an inside look at her thought process, and understanding why she wants to donate to your family, can create a stronger bond and understanding between you.
2. Who will be your primary support person during the medical procedure? Make sure she has a support system during the process, and ask how you can help. 
3. Have you told your family? Not everyone wants to tell their family and friends, and that’s okay. 
4. If she has donated before, it is okay to ask her questions related to previous donations such as: What went well? What do you wish could have been different? 
5. What are your thoughts about the type of relationship you want to have with our family? Depending on your egg donation agreement, the relationship you have with the egg donor can be anywhere on the spectrum, from no involvement at all to attending birthday parties. There really is no right or wrong. It all just depends on what works best for you, your donor and your respective families. It is also important to keep in mind that like all relationships, this one too will evolve. Some end up drifting apart and others become closer over time. Again, there is no right or wrong here. 
6. Although questions about medical / family medical history are already in their profile, you can still use the time to ask them to clarify anything.
7. Questions about education and career: what are you studying? What about that interests you? What are your career goals? 
8. What do you love to do when not working or going to school?
9. Tell me about your typical day, how does it look?
10. What are your expectations of us during this process? How can we help make this process as smooth as possible?

When asking questions, be respectful and kind, and if you feel she is getting uncomfortable, move on to the next question. 

The emotional and relational dynamics of meeting your egg donor

It is normal to feel all sorts of emotions when meeting with a potential egg donor— from gratitude to being completely nervous. So be prepared to feel. Just remind yourself why you are doing this. Typically at the end of a meeting, most parents and egg donors are even more ready and excited to move forward.   

Meeting your egg donor in-person or virtually is a great way to finalize your decision to use egg donation to grow your family. Bringing that profile to life helps to create a more personal connection with your donor.  

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Embryo guarantee. We’re committed to helping your family grow, and proud to offer a generous Embryo Guarantee to every intended parent we work with.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Read more:

• Should I Meet My Potential Egg Donor?
• Should I Pick an Egg Donor Who Looks Like Me?
• 10 Facts You Need To Know About Using Donor Eggs
• Five Parents Share What They Wish They Knew Before Using Donor Eggs

If you are a single cis male or in a same-sex male relationship, you will need a gestational carrier to carry and deliver your baby along with donor eggs to create embryos. A fertility psychologist can work with you to discuss the implications of becoming parents, how to talk to your child about their conception and to others around you about your journey. They can also walk you through your feelings, fears, and educate you about the process of becoming parents through third party reproduction. 

The decision-making process

The decision-making process of using donor eggs as a gay couple is a little different than heterosexual couples needing to use donor eggs. One is deciding who will provide the sperm. If both are planning on being biologically related, then you need to decide whose sperm will be used first. You both have to agree upon a donor, a carrier and who will be called what (e.g. I will be dad and you will be papa)

Read more in Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs 

Emotional and psychological considerations

The emotional and psychological considerations involved in using donor eggs as a gay couple include who will provide the sperm or should you have twins? What if it works for one partner but not the other? What if the cycle does not work the first time? How many times will you try? How and when to tell your child about their conception story? Then there is the worry about the donor, such as how much, if any, contact you will have with her now and in the future. What if the donor or your child wants a deeper relationship, does the donor have any rights over your baby?

This process can be stressful and it can create pressure on your relationship as well. Especially because it can be costly and it can be time consuming. And sometimes a gestational carrier backs out or a donor you want is not available.  It is vital for you to always communicate, openly, honestly and thoroughly. 

The impact on the child not having a mother

At some point, your child will start asking questions about not having a mother and about how they were conceived. This is natural especially once the child starts school and sees that some children have mothers.  You and your partner should discuss how and when you will tell your child about their donor. You may also want to speak with family and friends about what terminology you would like them to use as well (for example, how will the donor be referred?)

Two dads, no mom, and the kids are all right

A report, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics states that three decades of research concur that kids of gay parents are doing just fine. “Many studies have demonstrated that children’s well-being is affected much more by their relationships with their parents, their parents’ sense of competence and security, and the presence of social and economic support for the family than by the gender or the sexual orientation of their parents,”

Legal considerations

All intended parents should have an egg donor contract. The contract should state that the egg donor is waiving her parental rights and that all children born from her donated eggs will be the intended parents’ children. The egg donor contract can also spell out payments, and  terms of any potential future relationship between the donor and your child. For example, having an option for allowing future contact with the donor once the child reaches a certain age. If you work with Cofertility to match with an egg donor, we will help you with this part.

You should also understand the laws where you live regarding same sex parents, egg donation and surrogacy. For example, some countries will recognize both of you as legal parents of the child, while other countries might not. Some states in the U.S. do not allow single men or gay couples to become parents - meaning you may have to look outside of where you live. 

Read more in Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads

Navigating the medical process

Typically gay men need more education and counseling about the female reproductive system than heterosexual couples undergoing donor egg IVF. So you will need to brush up on female anatomy and biology so you have a better understanding of the entire process.  When selecting a fertility clinic, you want to make sure that it is LGBTQ+ friendly and understands the unique needs of gay fathers.  

Next will be selecting your donor. Before you start searching for your donor, decide on some basic characteristics that you would like to have in your donor. This may include things like physical appearance, education level, athletic or musical ability. Perhaps someone of a certain culture or religion is of importance. Remember, you will never find anyone that meets your requirements 100%. So have your list and then divide it into your must have and nice to haves. 

Once your donor has completed all the necessary screening and legal contracts, the egg donor will receive hormone medications to stimulate her ovaries to produce multiple eggs. A fertility doctor will retrieve the donor’s eggs once they are mature. These eggs, or oocytes, can then be fertilized using your sperm and transferred to your carrier or frozen (as embryos) for future use.

If you are wanting each partner to have a biologically related child, will want to either split the eggs that are retrieved so you both get half or you may want to do more than once cycle to ensure each partner has enough eggs to create enough viable embryos. 

For same-sex male couples, to have a biological baby was once just a dream, now it is a reality. Medical science is giving people the chance to find their happiness by having a family of their own. It can be a long, stressful process but know that Cofertility will be by your side, giving you the support you need while navigating this new path to parenthood. 

Read more:

• Five Helpful Questions Gay Dads Should Answer Before Starting a Family
• LGBTQ+ Family-Building Resources
• Which Should I Find First: An Egg Donor or a Surrogate?
• Surrogacy Questions Gay Dads Should be Asking
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation

Even if you have accepted your infertility diagnosis and have accepted the idea of using donor eggs to start your family, others around you may still question you and your decision. Sometimes it comes in the form of nobody talking about it and sometimes the pendulum swings in the other direction and you may hear nosy questions such as:

• "Why couldn't you have your own child?"
• "Doesn't it bother you that your child won't be biologically related to you?"
• "Did you have trouble getting pregnant?"
• "Are you worried your child won't look like you?"
• "Did you have to spend a lot of money on this process?"
• "Isn't it weird to use someone else's eggs?"
• "Did you have to convince your partner to do this?"
• “Are you worried one day the kids will want to meet their donor?”

So, what are some things you can say to those “well meaning” but nosy questions?

Set boundaries

It's important to set boundaries with those who may be asking personal questions. You can politely decline to answer by saying that it is a private matter or that you prefer not to discuss it. Setting boundaries isn’t always easy.  But boundaries are important if you want to feel safe and protected. It is okay if the other party feels offended, but healthy boundary setting doesn’t mean you’re being hurtful. The boundaries you set can allow you to build a better, more respectful, relationship because they help establish a precedent for what you both expect from each other. 

Educate 

Even though it may seem obvious to you, some people really do not understand the process of using donor eggs and may be asking out of curiosity. Consider sharing educational resources or information about the process to help them understand better.

Be honest

If you are comfortable sharing, you can be honest about why you chose to use donor eggs. Whether it was due to fertility issues or personal preference, sharing your story can help to normalize the process and reduce stigma and in turn helps educate others around you.

Redirect the conversation

If you don't want to discuss your own experience (which is totally okay), redirect the conversation to a more general topic. You could say, "I appreciate your interest, but I prefer to keep my personal life private. Can we talk about something else?"

Seek support

Coping with nosy questions about using donor eggs can be emotionally challenging. Consider seeking support from a therapist, support group, or other individuals who have gone through a similar experience.

The bottom line

Some questions may come across as tasteless and hurtful. Yes, most of this stems from a lack of knowledge about egg donation, but some of it also comes from a place of genuine curiosity and wanting to understand. At the end of the day, this is your journey and your path. You get to decide who, when and how much information you share.  

If you’re considering using donor eggs to grow your family, oftentimes, the associated costs can be a significant financial burden. In this comprehensive guide, we delve into the question of whether Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs) can be utilized to pay for donor eggs. We also explore other financing options available to individuals seeking fertility treatments. 

The TLDR: you can use your HSA or FSA towards some (but not all) expenses related to donor egg cycles, and if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, you may unfortunately face a harder time getting reimbursed, given what the IRS defines as “medical necessary”. 

Let’s dive into the details. 

How HSAs and FSAs work

First, it’s important to have a fundamental understanding of how HSAs and FSAs work. These are both valuable financial tools that allow you to allocate pre-tax dollars toward qualified medical expenses, and can help reduce the burden of healthcare costs and out-of-pocket expenses.

To maximize the benefits of HSA and FSA accounts, it is important to understand eligibility criteria and contribution limits set by the IRS. These guidelines ensure compliance and provide you with an opportunity to save for future healthcare expenses. 

While HSAs and FSAs serve a similar purpose, there’s actually some nuance to it. their differences to make an informed decision about which one best suits your needs. Let's delve into the specifics of each type of account, and how it relates to donor eggs.

Health Savings Accounts (HSAs)

To be eligible for an HSA, you must be enrolled in a high-deductible health plan (HDHP). Here's what you need to know about HSAs:

• Pre-tax contributions: Contributions to an HSA are made with pre-tax dollars, which means the money is deducted from your paycheck before taxes are calculated. This offers an immediate tax benefit by reducing your taxable income.
• Tax-free growth: Any contributions made to your HSA can grow tax-free through investment opportunities. This allows your HSA funds to accumulate over time and be used for future medical expenses.
• Portability: HSAs are portable, meaning you can take the account with you even if you change jobs or health insurance plans. The funds in your HSA remain available for qualified medical expenses, regardless of your employment status.
• Contribution limits: The IRS sets annual contribution limits for HSAs, which may change each year. For 2024, the contribution limit for an individual is $4,150, while for a family, it's $8,300. Individuals aged 55 or older can make additional catch-up contributions.

Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs)

FSAs are another tax-advantaged option for healthcare expenses. Unlike HSAs, FSAs are typically offered through employers. Here are the key aspects of FSAs to consider:

Pre-tax contributions

Like HSAs, contributions to an FSA are made with pre-tax dollars, resulting in a reduction in your taxable income. However, unlike HSAs, there is no requirement for enrollment in a high-deductible health plan.

Use-it-or-lose-it rule

FSAs operate under a “use-it-or-lose-it” rule, which means any funds contributed to the account must be used within the plan year or within a limited grace period. However, some employers offer a carryover option or a grace period to allow some unused funds to be carried forward.

Employer control

FSAs are typically established and managed by employers. The employer determines the contribution limit and plan rules, such as eligible expenses and rollover options. It's important to review your employer's FSA plan details to understand its specific features.

Contribution limits

The IRS sets annual contribution limits for FSAs as well. For 2024, the maximum contribution limit is $3,200 per individual. However, employers may set lower limits, so it's essential to check with your employer for their specific FSA contribution limit.

Using HSAs and FSAs for donor eggs

HSA and FSA accounts can potentially be used to pay for donor eggs. When utilizing these accounts for payment, you’ll need to obtain detailed receipts from whatever party you are working with to match with an egg donor (be it an agency, egg bank, or matching platform like ours). This receipt can then be submitted to your HSA or FSA plan administrator for reimbursement, ensuring that the process is in compliance with the account guidelines. Better yet, discuss with them upfront what the pricing breakdown looks like so you know what expenses are involved ahead of time. 

HSA and FSA eligibility for donor eggs

While HSA and FSA funds can generally be used for eligible medical expenses related to egg donation, depending on your unique expenses, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that something might not be covered. To be 100% sure, we recommend discussing with a tax professional or your company’s specific plan administrator which expenses are eligible for reimbursement.

LGBTQ+ considerations for HSAs and FSAs

The IRS guidelines and regulations governing eligible medical expenses are periodically updated to accommodate the changing landscape of fertility treatments. And when it comes to tax deductions, benefits, and credits in general, LGBTQ+ individuals may be impacted by the IRS’ specific wording around eligible expenses. 

If you are part of the LGBTQ+ community, we recommend speaking to a tax professional to find out what may apply to you — at least until the Equal Access to Reproductive Care Act gets passed and modernizes federal tax codes to be more inclusive. 

IRS guidelines and equal treatment

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has provided guidance to ensure that same-sex couples have equal access to the benefits and rights associated with HSA/FSA accounts. According to the IRS, same-sex couples who are legally married or in registered domestic partnerships are eligible to establish and contribute to an HSA or FSA, just like opposite-sex couples.

Qualified medical expenses and donor eggs

However, the IRS defines “qualified medical expenses” as those incurred for the diagnosis, treatment, or prevention of a medical condition. While specific guidance regarding the eligibility of donor eggs for HSA/FSA reimbursement is not explicitly stated, the expenses related to fertility treatments, including donor eggs, may be eligible if you meet the criteria for qualified medical expenses. However, with courts narrowly defining infertility as a medical inability to conceive, this unfortunately limits many LGBTQ+ couples. 

Documenting eligible expenses

To ensure compliance and facilitate potential reimbursement, it is crucial to maintain proper documentation of your medical expenses. This includes obtaining detailed receipts and documentation of every related expense. 

Maximizing HSA and FSA benefits for donor eggs

Strategic planning can help you maximize the benefits of using HSA and/or FSA funds for donor eggs. Understanding the timing of fund availability and expenses is important. Some people choose to utilize their funds earlier in the year, while others may find it advantageous to wait until the end of the year.

In addition to timing considerations, HSA and FSA accounts offer potential tax advantages and savings. The contributions made to these accounts are typically tax-free, and qualified withdrawals for eligible medical expenses are also tax-free. By understanding and leveraging these benefits, you can optimize you financial resources for fertility treatments.

Other financing options for donor eggs

Beyond HSAs and FSAs, there are other avenues to explore when seeking financial support for donor eggs. Insurance coverage for donor eggs varies depending on individual plans and policies, making it crucial to research and discuss potential coverage options with insurance providers.

Tax deductions may also be available for certain fertility treatments, including those involving donor eggs. Consulting with a tax professional can help determine eligibility criteria and potential deductions, providing individuals with further financial relief.

Additionally, there are grants, scholarships, and financial assistance programs specifically designed to support individuals undergoing fertility treatments. Researching and applying for those programs can offer additional avenues of financial assistance to those pursuing the dream of building a family through donor eggs.

At Cofertility, we understand the financial challenges individuals and couples face when pursuing fertility treatments, especially the use of donor eggs. To make the journey more accessible, we work with financing partners that can help alleviate the financial burden. While we do charge a coordination fee, we’re committed to accessibility and improving the family building process for all. To learn more about how we can help you grow your family via egg donation, create a free account to get started.

Costs of donor eggs with Cofertility

Our goal is to provide a family building experience that’s as human-centered and transparent as possible. As such, you can find a full breakdown of all costs involved with a donor egg journey through Cofertility, right here on our website. 

Here’s how our unique egg sharing model works: rather than compensate a donor with cash, we empower women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Through our program, egg donors keep half of the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate the other half to your family. Because our donors aren’t paid in exorbitant cash lump sums, our structure helps lower costs for intended parents. It also means that the women in our program are truly incredible — and especially motivated to successfully help grow your family. Our model honors everyone involved: the intended parents, the donor, and ultimately, donor-conceived children.

When you work with Cofertility, your Member Advocate will be sure to provide itemized receipts and necessary paperwork that you may need to submit to your HSA or FSA plan. 

Financial help can be out there

The journey to parenthood through donor eggs may present financial challenges, but with careful planning, research, and exploration of available resources, it may be possible to find the support you need. We’re here sending luck (and a helping hand) your way.

Reproductive technology has opened up new horizons for individuals and couples hoping to bring new life into their world. Among these opportunities, the use of donor eggs stands as a beacon of hope for many. 

However, the reality of this life-changing treatment is often met with a stark reminder of its costs. Enter the landscape of employee benefits platforms - innovative companies that have stepped forward to revolutionize coverage for fertility treatments. But which ones cover donor eggs? In this article, we’ll provide insight into their services.

Carrot

Carrot takes a flexible approach to fertility benefits, allowing employers to customize coverage based on their budget and employees' needs. Carrot’s model is based on reimbursing members for care, with the overall budget set by the employer. As such, its comprehensive platform typically covers a range of fertility services, including donor egg treatments. Cofertility is also a preferred partner within Carrot’s network and all Carrot members will receive a discount off the Cofertility Coordination Fee. If you have Carrot benefits, reach out to our team to learn more!

Progyny

The largest benefits platform known for its patient-centric model, Progyny offers a comprehensive fertility benefits plan which can include coverage for donor egg treatments. Their Smart Cycle policy provides flexible coverage units that can be used across different treatment types, including IVF with donor eggs. The number of Smart Cycles as well as the specific treatment types covered varies by employer. For example: among those plans that do cover donor cycles, some exclusively cover frozen donor egg cycles, some cover fresh donor egg cycles, and some cover both. 

Win Fertility

Win Fertility partners with employers to offer fertility benefits, including personalized treatment management. Its coverage is comprehensive, typically encompassing a range of fertility treatments. Employers who partner with Win Fertility have the option to include donor egg treatments in their coverage plans.

Maven

Maven's platform offers a holistic approach to family benefits, encompassing fertility, maternity, and pediatrics. While its fertility coverage is extensive, whether or not it includes donor egg treatments may depend on the specific plan chosen by your employer.

Kindbody

Kindbody offers fertility benefits tied to Kindbody and other partner clinics. They take a similar approach to Progyny with “KindCycle” units that can be used across treatments, including IVF with donor eggs. 

Cleo

Cleo's strength lies in its integrated support system for families across reproductive health, fertility, and parenting. While they don’t offer direct fertility coverage, they provide on-demand support, personalized support plans, and research and expert-based answers to a variety of family-building questions, including donor egg IVF. 

Identifying donor egg coverage in your benefits program

As you can see from the descriptions above, whether or not your benefits program includes donor eggs has more to do with your employer than the platform. Most platforms have the ability to include donor eggs, but not all employers are willing to cover that cost.  

Understanding the specifics of your benefits program can be a daunting task, given the complex nature of health insurance policies and benefits packages. Here’s how to determine if your program includes donor egg coverage:

1. Start by thoroughly reviewing your benefits information. This is usually outlined in a document or an online portal provided by your employer or benefits provider. Look for sections that talk about 'fertility treatments', 'reproductive health', or 'family planning'. You might find explicit mention of egg donation or donor IVF.
2. If your benefits documentation is not clear or you have difficulty understanding the language used, do not hesitate to reach out to your benefits provider or HR department directly. They can provide clarity and guidance on what exactly is covered under your plan.
3. If applicable, take advantage of other employer-provided resources that can help you navigate your benefits. Benefit Bump and BenefitFocus are two companies that employers engage to help you understand your coverage and how to best use your available benefits. 
4. When inquiring about your coverage, be sure to ask direct and specific questions. For instance, "Does my plan cover the cost of donor eggs?" or "Is IVF with donor eggs included in my fertility benefits?" The more specific you are, the more accurate the information you'll receive.

Remember, benefits plans can change from year to year, so make sure to review your plan annually during the open enrollment period. Keep abreast of any changes or additions to your benefits, especially if you're considering fertility treatments using donor eggs.

Summing it up

While donor egg coverage specifics can depend on the individual plans chosen by employers, the trend is leaning towards a more inclusive approach, reflecting an increased understanding and empathy towards diverse fertility journeys.

Understanding your benefits program and whether it covers donor egg treatments is crucial in planning your fertility journey. Don't hesitate to seek assistance from professionals or directly ask your benefits provider to clarify your coverage. Being proactive about understanding your benefits will help you make informed decisions about your reproductive health.

Cofertility can help!

We started this company with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. And we promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.

Our unique egg sharing model empowers donors and enables families to find the perfect egg donor match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just getting educated on egg donation or ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.

Create a free account to get started today!

Intended parents are often asking me if they should choose a first-time or proven egg donor. While it may initially seem like a major consideration, in reality, it often plays a relatively minor role in the overall process. In this article, I hope to clarify this question and guide you towards more consequential aspects in your decision-making process.

Understanding egg donation

Egg donation involves a woman donating her eggs to help another family conceive via in-vitro fertilization (IVF). These donated eggs are fertilized in a laboratory, and the resulting embryos are then transferred into the recipient's uterus or a gestational carrier. Most donors are first-time donors who have never donated before, but some are proven donors who have previously donated eggs which have resulted in successful pregnancies.

First-time vs. repeat egg donors

A first-time donor has no history of successful pregnancies, however this does not mean that she is not a wonderful donor. Even though it may provide some pause that the donor has not donated before, the number of eggs likely to be retrieved in a donation cycle can be predicted based on markers like anti-Mullerian hormone (AMH) levels and antral follicle count (AFC). These metrics provide solid indicators of ovarian reserve and, consequently, the potential success of an egg retrieval procedure.

On the other hand, proven donors have a track record of successful pregnancies through their donated eggs, which can offer some reassurance to intended parents going through egg donation. It’s another data point to give you confidence. However, a proven donor's history of successful pregnancies doesn't guarantee future success. Plus, a donor who has donated more than once means that your future child is more likely to have biological half-siblings. 

What matters most: family fit

As shared above, reliable estimates for the quantity of eggs that are likely to be retrieved during a donation cycle can be made based on biomarkers such as AMH and AMC. These critical measures serve as robust predictors of ovarian reserve and, therefore, help project the likely outcome of the egg retrieval process. A donor who has been medically cleared by a fertility doctor – whether she has donated before or not – has a good chance of a successful retrieval. In fact, donor egg IVF has better outcomes than other forms of ART.

Once an egg donor has been medically cleared, we think the "fit" of the donor with your family is arguably more critical. This fit might involve physical attributes, ethnicity, education, or other aspects that matter to you in relation to your future child. Donor profiles and interviews can provide valuable insights into these aspects, guiding your choice towards a donor who aligns with your vision for your family.

A downside of a “proven” donor: the biological half-sibling factor

A less commonly discussed aspect of using a proven donor is that your child may have biological half-siblings resulting from previous successful donations. While this fact doesn't influence the potential success of your IVF process, it's an important ethical and emotional consideration for many potential parents. For some, this potential genetic connection to other families might be concerning or undesirable. 

However, simply because a first time donor has not donated eggs before, it does not mean she will not potentially donate to other families in the future. This would also lead to biological half-siblings for your children. This is not something to be nervous or hesitant about though as it can be a beautiful thing. It has been seen that children born from the same donor sometimes seek each other out, and find family in the USA or around the world, and have stories to share between each other of being a donor conceived child. A very unique bond can be established between donor conceived children.

It's important to note that the possibility of having numerous genetic half-siblings doesn't inherently detract from the unique bond and relationship you will develop with your child. Yet, it's a factor to be aware of and something to consider based on your personal values and vision for your future family.

How many times can an egg donor donate?

There is a limit to how many times a woman can donate eggs, primarily based on ethical and safety guidelines. In the United States, for example, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recommends that donors should not donate eggs more than six times during their lifetime. This guideline aims to minimize potential health risks for the donor and limit the number of offspring born from any one donor's eggs (although to be clear, even if a donor donates six times through an egg bank, those eggs could be distributed to far more than six families). At Cofertility, we follow these guidelines and actually find that most of our donors don’t plan on donating to more than one or two families because they are not doing it for cash compensation. 

Summing it up

Remember that while the choice of an egg donor is significant, it is just one aspect of the broader journey to parenthood. Other aspects, like ensuring the health of the mother or gestational carrier, preparing for the emotional and financial commitment of parenthood, and creating a nurturing environment for your child, are critical contributors to your child’s life.

While the decision between a first-time and proven egg donor can seem overwhelming, remember that this is just one factor among many in your fertility journey. Reliable fertility markers, such as AMH and AFC, offer significant predictors of egg retrieval success. Furthermore, the alignment of a donor with your vision of your future family is of paramount importance.

Each family's journey is unique, and there is no 'one size fits all' answer. Being patient with the process, staying informed, and leaning on the support of medical and mental health professionals can guide you towards the decisions that feel right for you and your family.

How Cofertility is different 

We started this company with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. We promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.

Our unique egg sharing model empowers donors and enables families to find the perfect egg donor match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just becoming educated on egg donation or are ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.

Create a free account to get started today!

In the dynamic landscape of third-party reproduction, the advent of Open ID egg donation marks a significant shift in egg donation. It's a model that places a strong emphasis on honesty, transparency, and the best interests of all parties involved: the donors, the intended parents, and most importantly, the donor-conceived children. At Coertility, we advocate for Open ID agreements when direct disclosure is not possible, shifting the traditional paradigm to honor the needs and rights of every individual involved in the process.

What is Open ID egg donation?

Open ID, sometimes referred to as Identity Release, egg donation refers to a practice wherein the egg donor agrees to have her identity disclosed to the child born from her donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically at 18 years. Unlike traditional anonymous egg donations, Open ID egg donation recognizes the potential need for children to access vital information about their genetic heritage, medical history, and potentially, their donor's identity.

In some countries, like the UK, open ID is the law. Since 2005, every child born via donor gametes in the UK has the right to personal non-identifying information about the donor (such as a physical description, year of birth, and medical history) at age 16. Upon turning 18, they are entitled to identifying information including the donor’s name and last known address. 

Disclosed vs undisclosed vs open ID egg donation

Navigating the world of egg donation involves understanding various terminologies and models of donation. At Cofertility, we have two main types of egg donations - disclosed and undisclosed, each of which can provide a different level of contact and communication between the intended parents and the donor. For families and donors that chose undisclosed donation, open ID is an alternative. 

Disclosed Donation

A disclosed donation is when the donor and the intended parents mutually agree to exchange contact information and communicate directly with each other. This model facilitates open communication and interaction, fostering a deeper understanding and connection between the parties. Disclosed donations often provide an opportunity for both the donor and the intended parents to establish rapport and ease any potential anxieties associated with the process.

This doesn’t mean that the donor is in the family’s life. The disclosure status is separate from any potential relationship that you have with the donor. For example, you may have a disclosed donation, in which you share contact information but decide not to maintain any regular communication. 

Undisclosed Donation

In contrast to the disclosed model, an undisclosed donation at Cofertility means that the intended parents and the donor do not exchange contact information and communicate solely through our team. We act as an intermediary, relaying information and facilitating discussions between both parties. This model provides a layer of privacy while still enabling crucial information exchange.

Open ID egg donation

For those who choose an undisclosed donation, open ID is an alternative. This model allows for the donor's identity to be disclosed to the child resulting from the donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically 18 years.

This arrangement respects the potential desire of the donor conceived child to know more about their genetic background and potentially connect with the donor. The open ID agreement is often structured based on the comfort and consent of all parties involved and takes into consideration the best interest of the donor conceived person.

At Cofertility, we encourage both disclosed and open ID agreements, as we believe in the importance of honoring the rights and curiosity of donor-conceived people. This approach demonstrates our commitment to transparency, honesty, and respect for all parties involved in the deeply personal process of egg donation.  At baseline, studies show the benefits of being honest with your child about his or her donor conceived origins

Why Cofertility supports open ID egg donation

At Cofertility, we firmly believe that anonymous egg donation belongs to the past. With the advancements in genetic testing and the increasingly interconnected world we live in, the promises of anonymity given by many egg donation agencies are simply wrong. In a world where genetic testing is widely accessible, there are no guarantees of a completely anonymous gamete donation.

But that doesn’t mean that a disclosed donation is right for every family. And we think it’s important to us to be mindful of unique circumstances and inclusive of cultures that still prefer undisclosed donations. We hold space for those intended parents and strive to help them reach an arrangement with their donor that honors their cultural needs alongside the donor conceived person’s lived experience. In these cases, open ID is an option that gives the parents privacy they desire, while giving the donor conceived child a chance to know who the donor is if they choose to as an adult.

Prioritizing the child's best interest

We are very explicit with the families we work with about the research indicating the benefits of being open with children about their donor-conceived roots. We encourage disclosed donations and are eager to connect intended parents with evidence-based research and experts who can discuss the topic further. We encourage both egg donors and intended parents to consider the best interests of the potential donor-conceived child in this process. For many donor-conceived individuals, knowing their genetic background is an essential part of their identity.

Open ID egg donation allows these donor-conceived individuals to access this vital information, enhancing their understanding of their own identity. It also provides them with the option to connect with their donor, should they wish to do so, once they reach adulthood.

This model not only respects the curiosity and rights of the donor-conceived child but also acknowledges the donor's role in the conception process. It also allows intended parents to answer any questions their child might have about their genetic background honestly and openly.

Building relationships: a customized approach

At Cofertility, we believe in the power of relationships. We work closely with all parties involved in the egg donation process to build a relationship that feels right for them.

We guide donors and intended parents through the complexities of agreements (including open ID agreements), ensuring that they understand the potential future implications and are comfortable with the level of contact agreed upon. Each egg donation agreement is customized based on the comfort level and wishes of all parties, ensuring a mutual understanding and respect for everyone's preferences.

Summing it up

Open ID egg donation is a progressive approach that honors the needs, rights, and best interests of donors, families, and donor conceived offspring. At Cofertility, we're committed to transparency, honesty, and respect for all parties involved in this deeply personal process.

In a world of ever-evolving third party reproduction, we are dedicated to moving with the times, staying up to date with the latest research, and promoting practices that reflect the reality of today's world. Our focus remains on building strong relationships, facilitating open communication, and ultimately, serving the best interests of donor-conceived children. 

As we help build families, we invite you to join us in embracing this approach, paving the way for a more transparent, respectful, and child-centered egg donation process.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

Additionally, every Cofertility intended parent is backed by our comprehensive Embryo Guarantee. For detailed pricing, visit our pricing page.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

For women in their 40s and 50s who want to build or grow their family, the dream of becoming a mother may still be within reach through the use of donor eggs. With advancements in reproductive technology, donor egg in vitro fertilization (IVF) has become a viable option for more people. In this article, we’ll cover everything you need to know about getting pregnant with donor eggs in your 40s and 50s.

How does donor egg IVF work?

Donor egg IVF involves the use of eggs donated by another woman, typically a healthy individual under the age of 34. These eggs are retrieved from the donor and fertilized with sperm in a laboratory setting. The resulting embryos are then transferred to the recipient's uterus, where they have the potential to implant and develop into a pregnancy.

IVF can be broken down into three phases: 

1. The retrieval phase, where the eggs are matured and extracted
2. The embryo phase, where eggs are fertilized and monitored in the lab
3. And the transfer phase, where an embryo is transferred to the uterus of the intended mother or gestational carrier

With donor eggs, the egg donor undergoes the retrieval (phase 1) and then her job is done. The eggs are then fertilized with the sperm of the intended father (or a sperm donor) and grown under the careful eye of a trained embryologist. At this point, some families opt to do genetic testing. Once the embryo is ready, the intended mother, or a gestational carrier, takes over to carry the pregnancy to term.

Unless your doctor has determined that it is impossible or dangerous for you to safely carry a pregnancy, you can absolutely undergo IVF and get pregnant with donor eggs. 

Donor eggs increase your chances of a healthy pregnancy

Here’s some good news: donor eggs can drastically increase your chances of success. Around 53 percent of all donor egg cycles will result in at least one live birth. This percentage varies depending on the egg donor, recipient body mass index, stage of embryo at transfer, the number of oocytes retrieved, and the quality of the clinic.

At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs. 

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The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.

Can a 40-something year old get pregnant with donor eggs?

Yes, women in their 40s may be able to get pregnant with donor eggs. Donor egg IVF offers a viable solution for women in this age group who have experienced a decline in their own egg quality and quantity. As you can see from the chart above, the chances of getting pregnant in your 40s with donor eggs is much higher than with your own eggs.

Studies show that your chances of success using donor eggs does not diminish in your 40s. You read that right! A 30-year-old vs. a 40-year-old carrying a pregnancy with donor eggs will have about the same chances of success. Using donor eggs can greatly increase your chances of a healthy baby well into your 40s and even 50s.

Even though many women in their 40s and 50s can carry a pregnancy when using donor eggs, some need to use a gestational carrier for a variety of reasons. It’s important to note that carrying a pregnancy in your 40s and 50s does carry increased risks of pregnancy complications like hypertensive disorders and gestational diabetes.

What is the success rate of IVF with donor eggs over 40?

The success rate of IVF with donor eggs is generally higher for women over 40 compared to using their own eggs. According to various studies, the success rates for this procedure can range from 50% to 70% or even higher, depending on the individual circumstances and the quality of the embryos transferred. It is important to remember that success rates can vary. A fertility doctor can give you a personalized assessment.

Can a 50 year old woman get pregnant with donor eggs?

Yes, it may be possible for a 50 year old woman to get pregnant with donor eggs. While fertility declines with age, donor eggs can still offer a chance for women in their 50s to experience pregnancy and motherhood. 

In a study of women who became pregnant from egg donation, researchers at Columbia University found that women over age 50 do not appear to face any greater risk than those under 43. That doesn’t mean there’s no risk in pregnancy over 50, and anyone in this age group should undergo thorough medical screening before attempting pregnancy to ensure the best possible outcome.

Can a menopausal woman get pregnant with donor eggs?

While menopause marks the end of a woman's reproductive years, donor eggs can still provide an opportunity for menopausal women to experience pregnancy. The absence of menstruation and ovulation in menopausal women means they are unable to produce viable eggs. However, by using donor eggs, a menopausal woman can still carry a pregnancy and experience the joy of motherhood.

How many tries does it take to get pregnant with donor eggs?

For many people beginning the journey to use donor eggs, you may have already tried unsuccessfully with your own eggs and are eager to get pregnant as quickly as possible. Well here’s the good news: it is estimated that the probability of success reaches roughly 90% after three embryo transfers. This of course varies patient to patient, and your doctor should be able to give you a better idea of your chances based on your medical history. 

Is there an age limit for IVF with donor eggs?

Technically, there is no age limit (legal or otherwise) in the United States for pursuing IVF with or without donor eggs. But ASRM discourages IVF for females older than 55, and some clinics set their own age limits for patients they will treat. 

For females over 45 years old, ASRM advises:

• “Comprehensive” medical testing for cardiovascular and metabolic fitness to ensure the safety of the mother and baby during pregnancy 
• Psychosocial evaluation to determine if support is in place to raise a child to adulthood
• Counseling patients on potential increased medical risks related to pregnancy

There is no official recommendation when it comes to the age of a male intended parent.

Supporting mothers of all ages

There is no age limit for men having children and there is no maximum age for US domestic adoption – so why would we put an age restriction on mothers via egg donation? Generally, these restrictions are for her own health during pregnancy. 

All pregnancies have risks, and pregnancy after 50 is no exception. One small study followed 45 healthy mothers ages 50-63 who used donor eggs, and found that 35% experienced pregnancy-related hypertension (high blood pressure), 20% experienced gestational diabetes, and 78% had a cesarean section. These numbers are higher than the general population. 

But what if a gestational carrier (surrogate) carries the donor egg pregnancy? Then the argument turns to the ability to parent. 

ASRM lays out some compelling arguments in favor of donor egg IVF for women over 45:

• Older people (grandparents) raise children all the time in our society, and successfully at that. So there’s no reason to think older parents wouldn’t have the physical and psychological stamina for raising children.
• Older men often have children, and there is no set age limit for males in IVF. So why create limits for women?
• Our society respects the rights of individuals to make reproductive choices regardless of age or life expectancy. For example, we don’t ban someone with a terminal illness from becoming a parent. So why stop someone else because of their age?

Benefits of having children later

Becoming a parent at an older age certainly has pros and cons, and is different for everyone. But here are some benefits to having children in your 40s and 50s:

• Financial security: older parents tend to have more financial freedom and savings, making the financial commitment of parenting less daunting.
• Emotional maturity: Older parents feel more ready and mature. In a study of older parents, 72% of mothers and 57% of fathers expressed that the emotional maturity associated with age provided a clear advantage to having children later in life.
• Smoother parenting: One study found that older maternal age was associated with fewer behavioral, social and emotional difficulties
• More life experiences: People who start families later in life have had more opportunity to check things off their bucket list – travel, work accomplishments, hobbies – and may not feel like parenting is as much of a compromise in their lives. Plus, they have more to teach their littles! 

Celebrities who got pregnant after 45 

An unassisted pregnancy after age 45 is rare, and even with IVF, the chances of getting pregnant with your own eggs at 45 is just 5% (it’s 1% at age 50). Getting pregnant after 45 generally means someone used frozen eggs (either from their younger self, or from an egg donor). Here are some celebrities to remind you that you are not alone!

• Susan Sarandon, 45
• Chloë Sevigny, 45
• Savannah Guthrie, 45
• Jane Kaczmarek, 46
• Halle Berry, 47
• Cameron Diaz, 47
• Holly Hunter, 47
• Kelly Preston, 47
• Tamron Hall, 48
• Rachel Weisz, 48
• Geena Davis, 48
• Hilary Swank, 48
• Beverly D'Angelo, 49
• Laura Linney, 49
• Janet Jackson, 50
• Naomi Campbell, 50 
• Hoda Kotb, 52
• Nichole Kidman, 53
• Salma Hayek, 54
• Naomi Watts, 54

Tens of thousands of families have babies each year through egg donation, and celebrities are no different. While some celebrities choose to speak openly about their decision to use donor egg IVF, others choose not to. Looking at the data, we can speculate that many people over 45 (celebrity and otherwise) use frozen eggs to conceive. But if those frozen eggs were from their own egg freezing cycle years ago, or from a donor egg freezing cycle, is their story to tell.

Find an egg donor through Cofertility

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Donor empowerment. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

Additionally, every Cofertility intended parent is backed by our comprehensive Embryo Guarantee. For detailed pricing, visit our pricing page.

For those who match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. The number of eggs retrieved varies by patient and cycle, but can be predicted by a donor’s age, AMH, and antral follicle count, all of which will be known to you after the donor’s initial screening. Qualified candidates have an ample ovarian reserve for both their own needs and sharing. Egg share donors also often work closely with a fertility doctor to determine, based on their own medical history, the optimal number of eggs needed for their own future family-building goals. Should it make sense for the donor, they may choose to pursue a second egg-sharing cycle to maximize the chances of success for everyone.

Matching with a donor in our frozen program can provide the opportunity to move forward with your family-building plans faster, as frozen eggs can be fertilized or shipped to your clinic immediately or as soon as the cycle is complete. Donors undergoing frozen cycles complete equally rigorous ovarian reserve testing. While the total number of frozen eggs available will vary based on the donor’s retrieval outcomes, every frozen match is guaranteed to have a minimum of at least 6 frozen eggs.

To learn more about these programs and the differences between them, click here.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Summing it up

Getting pregnant with donor eggs in your 40s or 50s may be possible, although ASRM discourages it for women over 55, and fertility clinics may set their own age limit. Anyone over 45 is recommended to undergo comprehensive medical testing, counseling, and a psychosocial evaluation. There are pros and cons to becoming a parent at any age, and these should be carefully considered when making the decision. We wish you all the best!

If you are pursuing donor eggs, we’d love to help. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

Sign up for a free account today. 

FAQ

What is donor egg IVF?

Donor egg IVF is an IVF cycle that uses a medically-cleared woman's eggs, which are then fertilized and implanted into the uterus of the intended mother or gestational carrier. 

What is “advanced maternal age” (over 35) and “advanced reproductive age” (over 45)?

Advanced maternal age is a not-so-great term used by the medical community to describe a potential pregnancy for women over 35. Advanced reproductive age refers to women over 45.  Interestingly, there is no similar term for males trying to conceive at any age. 

Am I too old to become a parent?

This is a question only you can answer. How is your health? Do you have a support system that could help raise the child if anything were to happen to you? Are you financially ready? These are questions any parent, at any age, should ask before building a family. 

Does your age matter with donor eggs?
While age can impact a woman's own fertility, the option of using donor eggs opens doors to motherhood, even for those in their 40s and 50s. At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve.

How can I find an egg donor?

Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. Create a free account today to get started!

In traditional egg donation, the donor's eggs are given to the intended parents in exchange for cash compensation. However, in the increasingly popular egg sharing model, the donor has the opportunity to keep half of the eggs retrieved for her own future family planning.

At Cofertility, we exclusively work under the egg sharing model, which we call Split, because we think it’s beneficial for everyone involved – the intended parents, the egg donor, and ultimately the donor-conceived child. In this article, we will explore six reasons why we think egg sharing is a compelling model for egg donation, focusing on benefits such as increased donor commitment, the absence of financial implications, and a more diverse pool of potential donors. 

1. Donors have a personal stake in the outcomes, increasing donor commitment 

One significant benefit of the egg sharing model is that donors have a personal stake in the outcomes. When donors contribute a portion of their eggs in exchange for their own IVF treatment down the line, they are invested not only in helping intended parents but also in achieving their own fertility goals. This shared interest leads to a greater sense of commitment and dedication from the donors, potentially resulting in higher-quality eggs and improved success rates.

2. Cash compensation models can lead some egg donors to conceal relevant medical information

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) published specific guidance regarding egg donor compensation in 2021. In this guidance, they acknowledge that excessive monetary compensation could create the possibility of undue inducement and exploitation of egg donors. 

The guidance points out, “Women may agree to provide oocytes based on their financial need. High levels of compensation also could lead some prospective donors to conceal medical information relevant to their own health or that of their genetic offspring in order to be more likely to be selected for oocyte donation.”

However, in the egg sharing model, where the focus is on shared outcomes rather than financial gain, donors may be more likely to disclose any pertinent medical information, ensuring the best possible match and reducing the risk of undisclosed medical issues that may impact the intended parents or the resulting child's well-being.

3. Most donor-conceived people feel the exchange of money for donor eggs is wrong

In the context of egg sharing, compensation is not based on financial transactions. Instead, it focuses on the shared goal of success for both parties. This approach eliminates the potential discomfort and ickiness often associated with cash compensation, and avoids the perception of treating eggs as commodities. 

A 2021 Harvard study found that 62% of donor-conceived adults felt the exchange of money for donor gametes was wrong, and 41% were troubled by the fact that money was exchanged around their conception. This is why we created our Split program. This unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

By removing financial incentives, the process feels meaningful and preserves the dignity of all parties involved.

4. We’re able to recruit a more diverse pool of donors

Our model not only empowers our donors by giving them control over their own fertility, but it also enables us to recruit a truly exceptional group of donors. Our donors are motivated by the opportunity to help others start their families while also taking charge of their own reproductive futures. By offering this unique Split model, we have been able to attract a diverse and talented group of women who are passionate about helping others and committed to making a difference in the world.

5. Donors get to proactively invest in their own reproductive future

Egg sharing allows donors to actively invest in their own reproductive future while helping intended parents fulfill their dreams of having a child. By keeping half of the eggs retrieved, egg donors are proactively taking steps to preserve their fertility options and increase their chances of successful pregnancies in the future. This dual benefit of participating in the egg sharing model enables donors to make a meaningful investment in their own reproductive health, while simultaneously providing hope and support to intended parents who are seeking to build their families. It empowers donors to take control of their reproductive journey and make decisions that align with their long-term family planning goals.

6. Donors are happy with their decision

One compelling reason to consider egg sharing is the high level of donor satisfaction and positive experiences reported by individuals who have participated in this model. According to one study, the vast majority of egg share donors are happy with their decision. In fact, a significant majority of egg share donors, 83.3%, said they would even donate again. 

This statistic reflects the positive impact and personal fulfillment donors experience through their participation in the egg sharing process. Only 2.1% regret their decision, underscoring the fact that the decision to participate in egg sharing is often met with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that their contribution has made a meaningful difference in someone else's life. The positive feedback from donors highlights the mutually beneficial nature of the egg sharing model, reinforcing the notion that it can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for all parties involved.

Cofertility - striving to be the best egg sharing program

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Embryo guarantee. We’re committed to helping your family grow, and proud to offer a generous Embryo Guarantee to every intended parent we work with.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Choosing the right person to be your egg donor is an enormous and exciting step in your donor egg IVF journey. Finding the right person involves understanding your goals and priorities, and then carefully reviewing donor profiles to find your best match. But what exactly should you look for as you sift through dozens of profiles? In this article, we will explore the key aspects to consider when selecting an egg donor. Let’s go!

What to look for in an egg donor

When considering what to look for in an egg donor, there are two main factors to keep in mind.

First, look for clues that the egg donor will have a successful egg retrieval. The good news is that the quantity and quality of eggs retrieved is fairly predictable with just a few data points: age, anti-müllerian hormone (AMH), and antral-follicle count (more on that below). 

Finding a pre-qualified donor who has passed initial screening can significantly impact your chances of achieving a successful pregnancy. At Cofertility, our clinical team reviews and meets with every egg donor candidate, looking at medical history, AMH, and more. Your fertility doctor will then review the egg donor’s information and clear her (or not) for a donor egg retrieval.  

Second, look for a donor who is a good fit for your family. At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Embryo guarantee. We’re committed to helping your family grow, and proud to offer a generous Embryo Guarantee to every intended parent we work with.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
  

Okay so now that we know the two most important factors to keep in mind— that a donor is likely to have a successful egg retrieval and that she is a fit for your family — let’s dive into 10 things to look for in an egg donor.

1. AMH

What AMH levels are ideal for an egg donor?

AMH is a hormone that is a biomarker for ovarian reserve, which is highly correlated to egg retrieval success (specifically, the number of eggs retrieved). While there is no specific threshold for AMH levels in an egg donor, the higher the AMH, the more eggs you are likely to retrieve. At Cofertility, we require egg donors to have an AMH over 2 to qualify. 

Even though AMH is important, it should not be the sole criterion for selecting an egg donor. Other factors, such as age, medical history, and  overall health, also contribute to success rates.

2. Age

What age is best for an egg donor?

The age of the egg donor is a crucial factor in the success of a donor egg IVF cycle. As females age, egg quality and quantity both decrease, which can lead to lower rates of successful fertilization, implantation, and live births. In general, “younger” donors have a higher chance of producing high-quality eggs that are more likely to result in a successful pregnancy.

So what age do we mean when we say “younger” egg donor? While ASRM recommends egg donors be between the ages of 21 and 34, we think the best age is 25-34. Not only because donors tend to be more mature at this age, but also because research suggests better outcomes. 

One study found the chances of live birth among cycles using egg donors <25 years was 13% lower for those using donors age 25 to 29. And another older but large study of 3,889 fresh donor egg cycles found that the cycles utilizing donors 30 to 34 years had a higher incidence of live birth compared to cycles with donors under 30 years, as well as donors over 34. 

3. Disclosed or undisclosed

What sort of relationship should I look for with an egg donor?

At Cofertility, we have two types of disclosure options for intended parents and donors: disclosed or undisclosed. In a disclosed donation, you and the donor will exchange contact information and can communicate directly. In an undisclosed donation, you will not exchange contact information and only communicate via Cofertility. With an undisclosed donation, you could arrange to have the information available to your child down the road (this is sometimes called Open ID).

It’s important to separate your disclosure status from any potential relationship that you have with the donor. For example, you may have a disclosed donation, in which you share contact information but decide not to maintain any regular communication. 

Decide what type of disclosure and relationship status is right for your family, and look for a donor who is on the same page. 

Read more in Disclosed vs. Undisclosed Donation: What's the Difference?

4. Repeat vs. first-time egg donor

Is it better to find a first-time or repeat egg donor?

While most donors are first-time donors, you will find that some donors have come back to donate again (the max is six times). There are pros and cons to first time or repeat egg donors, but this usually is not a driving factor for intended parents.

With repeat donors, you have the advantage of knowing their outcomes in previous cycles. This gives you another data point for predicting if they will be successful. But keep in mind that every cycle is different, and also depends on the medication and clinic. The downside of working with a repeat donor is that there could already be children born using her donor eggs, giving your children more half-genetic siblings. 

On the other hand, the success of first-time donors is still highly predictable. You can also ask them if they intend to donate to multiple families. Consider your priorities, consult with your fertility doctor, and review the available options to make an informed decision.

One thing to keep in mind if you choose to work with Cofertility: because our donors get to keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, they tend to take the entire cycle very seriously. 

5. Medical history 

What should I be looking at in a donor’s medical history?

Thoroughly evaluating the medical history of an egg donor is crucial to ensure the health and well-being of the potential child. Look for comprehensive medical screenings that cover both the donor's personal medical history and that of their immediate family. This information helps identify potential genetic risks or hereditary conditions that could impact the offspring. 

Think about what health risks you’re willing to take. No family is void of all health problems. While we screen out major genetic health conditions, many donors have health histories including things like needing glasses, being on birth control, having had knee surgery, or suffering from allergies. 

At Cofertility, we follow stringent guidelines to ensure the health and safety of both donors and recipients.

6. Physical traits

What physical traits are important for an egg donor?

For many families, physical traits are the most significant consideration when selecting an egg donor. Searching our egg donor platform by physical characteristics, such as height, hair color, eye color, complexion, freckles, and even dimples, can help you find a donor with resemblance. 

Read more in Should I Pick an Egg Donor Who Looks Like Me?

Keep in mind that just because a donor has a trait does not guarantee the child will too. Even genetic relatives can look wildly different, just think of how many families you know (maybe even your own!) where genetic relatives look nothing alike.

That being said, if it’s important to you, you can increase the chances your child looks like you by looking at photos of the egg donor and assessing the self-reported traits. 

7. Shared interests and traits

Should I pick an egg donor who shares my interests?

Many intended parents seek an egg donor who shares similar hobbies, interests, or values. Some value things like athleticism or musical abilities, while for others sharing a religion is most important. Whatever it is you’re looking for, you will learn so much about each donor in their profile.

These similarities can help create a connection, providing a sense of shared experiences and background. We find that parents who find an egg donor with overlapping interests and traits get even more excited to move forward on their journey. 

8. Religion

Does it matter if my egg donor and I have the same religion?

The decision to prioritize or consider religious compatibility is a deeply personal one. For some individuals or couples, religious beliefs and practices hold significant importance in their lives, and they may wish to find an egg donor who aligns with their religious values. For others, religion may not play a central role, and they may be more open to donors of various religious backgrounds.

Regardless of whether you choose a donor who shares your religious background, open and honest communication with your child about their genetic origins and any religious or cultural differences is essential. It's important to create an environment where questions and discussions about faith, identity, and beliefs are welcomed and respected.

9. Education and achievements

Does the egg donor’s education level matter?

Educational background, intelligence, and achievements are factors that some intended parents weigh strongly when choosing an egg donor. 

The level of education or specific achievements can be important to some individuals or couples who wish to find a donor with similar intellectual or professional pursuits. At Cofertility, you can sort donor profiles by education level and learn more about what a donor studied and the type of school they attended. 

10. Race and ethnicity

Do I need to choose a donor of the same race and ethnicity?

Perhaps you are really drawn to a donor who is like you in so many ways… except her race or ethnicity. Should you still match with them? This route is absolutely possible but should be taken with thoughtful consideration. In the adoption world, conspicuous families are very common. But it does increase the chances of comments and questions from nosy people.

Selecting an egg donor of a different race or ethnicity also means that child may grow up with questions about (or disconnection with) their genetic roots that are different from yours. You’ll need to talk about race from day one, show your child the importance of diversity in society, and ensure that you socialize with people of different races and ethnicities (including theirs). Surround yourself with other multiracial families and find ways to expose your child to their genetic culture. 

To make this decision, reflect on your own cultural values, consider the potential impact on your family dynamics, and engage in discussions with your partner (and even a therapist!) to ensure you make a decision that aligns with your values and aspirations.

Take-aways

Choosing the right egg donor is a significant decision that can greatly impact the success of your donor egg IVF journey. By considering the key factors we shared in this article, you can make an informed choice and find an egg donor who aligns with your goals and values. 

Remember to prioritize the likelihood of a successful egg retrieval by assessing factors such as age, AMH levels, and medical history. Additionally, finding a donor who is a good fit for your family, both in terms of physical traits and shared interests, can create a stronger connection and enhance the overall experience.

Selecting an egg donor is a deeply personal process, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Each individual or couple may have different priorities and considerations when making this decision. Whether it's evaluating the donor's education, considering religious compatibility, or contemplating the impact of race and ethnicity, take the time to reflect on your values and aspirations as a family.

Throughout the journey, open and honest communication with your fertility doctor, partner, and even a therapist can provide valuable guidance and support. Remember that every child is unique, regardless of genetic factors, and creating a nurturing environment where questions about identity, faith, and diversity are welcomed is crucial.

At Cofertility, we understand the importance of finding the right egg donor, and we're here to support you every step of the way. 

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

The cost of fertility treatments can add up quickly, leaving many families wondering if there are any tax deductions available to help offset the expenses. Donor egg IVF, in particular, can be a costly process, and hopeful parents may wonder if they can claim any tax benefits to help alleviate the financial burden. 

In this article, we'll explore whether or not donor egg IVF is tax-deductible and what you need to know to take advantage of any available tax breaks. I will caveat that I am not a tax expert – just an intended parent who has been through this multiple times!

Tax deduction vs tax credit

Let’s start with the basics. Tax deductions and tax credits are often confused, but they have different implications when it comes to your taxes. 

A tax deduction reduces your taxable income, meaning you only pay taxes on the remaining amount. For example, if you have a taxable income of $50,000 and a $5,000 tax deduction, you would only pay taxes on $45,000. You may deduct only the amount of your total medical expenses that exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income. 

On the other hand, a tax credit directly reduces the amount of taxes you owe. If you owe $10,000 in taxes and have a $2,000 tax credit, you would only need to pay $8,000 in taxes.

When it comes to donor egg IVF, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) considers it a medical expense, which means it may be tax-deductible under certain circumstances. However, it's important to consult with a tax professional to determine if you qualify for a deduction and how much you can deduct. Some states offer tax credits for fertility treatments, so be sure to check if your state offers this benefit.

Federal vs state taxes

Federal and state taxes are two separate entities, and the rules for tax deductions or credits are totally different. While the IRS allows for a deduction or credit for certain medical expenses, state tax laws may or may not follow the same guidelines. You’ll need to check with your state's tax department to see if they offer any deductions or credits for fertility treatments, including donor egg IVF. Some states may even have different rules for deductions or credits based on the source of the donor eggs (e.g. fresh vs frozen). It's important to do your research and consult with a tax professional to fully understand the tax implications of using donor eggs for IVF.

Are donor eggs tax-deductible?

For some people - yes. According to the IRS Publication 502, the costs of IVF, including temporary storage of eggs or sperm, and surgery performed to overcome infertility are considered medical care. Since the original wording is vague about donor eggs, the IRS clarified this position in a letter stating that the following are deductible:

• Donor egg agency fee
• Legal fees for the contract between you and the donor
• Medical expenses related to the donor egg retrieval
• Blood tests
• Donor’s expenses including travel fees
• Psychological testing of the egg donor

According to the IRS, deductions are only available for medical care costs associated with a medical inability to have children are tax-deductible.  Courts have narrowly defined infertility as a medical inability to conceive, rejecting arguments based on a person's sexuality or relationship status. For example, in an IRS ruling to a male taxpayer in a same-sex union, the IRS determined that he was not able to deduct IVF costs because the taxpayer did not have a medical condition. 

I am also a board member at the non-profit Resolve, where we are currently promoting the Equal Access to Reproductive Care Act which would rectify the unequal treatment of LGBTQ+ individuals seeking to start a family, by modernizing the federal tax code to allow equal treatment to those using assisted reproductive treatments and surrogacy arrangements regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Is surrogacy tax-deductible?

Surrogacy expenses are generally not tax-deductible. However, intended parents may seek a Private Letter Ruling (PLR) from the IRS to obtain permission to deduct specific expenses related to surrogacy that are not explicitly stated in tax laws. If successful in obtaining a PLR, the entire surrogacy process, including agency fees, could be tax-deductible for the parents.

To request a PLR, you would need to work with a CPA to draft a letter to the IRS outlining the expenses involved in your surrogacy journey. The letter should explain why you are medically unable to conceive and why your situation should qualify as medical care under section 213. The IRS will then respond with a decision, and if granted, you receive a letter to attach to your tax return. The IRS generally completes ruling requests within 60-90 days.

Itemized deduction vs. standard deduction:

When it comes to tax deductions for medical expenses, you can either take the standard deduction or choose to itemize your deductions. The standard deduction is a predetermined amount set by the IRS that reduces the amount of income subject to tax. Itemized deductions, on the other hand, are specific expenses that can be deducted from taxable income, such as medical expenses, charitable contributions, and state and local taxes.

For those considering a tax deduction for donor egg IVF, it is important to note that medical expenses, including fertility treatments, can only be deducted if they exceed a certain percentage of your adjusted gross income (AGI). For the tax year 2021, the threshold for medical expenses is 7.5% of AGI for all taxpayers, regardless of age.

If your total medical expenses for the year exceed this threshold, you can choose to itemize your deductions to claim the excess as a deduction on your tax return. However, if your total itemized deductions do not exceed the standard deduction amount, it may be more beneficial to take the standard deduction instead.

Don’t forget: state tax laws differ from federal tax laws and may have different deduction thresholds or rules for medical expenses. Check your state's tax laws and consult a tax professional for more information.

Tips 

Here are some tips for navigating the tax deduction process for donor egg IVF expenses.

1. Keep accurate records. Keep track of all expenses related to your fertility treatments, including the costs of donor eggs, medication, and any other medical expenses. Make sure to save all receipts and invoices as proof of these expenses.
2. Consult with a tax professional. It's always a good idea to consult with a tax professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation. They can help you navigate the complex tax laws and ensure that you're taking advantage of all available deductions and credits.
3. Stay organized. Create a system for organizing your tax documents and keep everything in one place. This will make it easier to find the information you need when it's time to file your taxes.
4. File on time. Make sure to file your taxes on time to avoid any penalties or fees. If you're unable to file by the deadline, be sure to file for an extension.
5. Take advantage of online resources. The IRS website offers a variety of resources to help you understand the tax code and file your taxes accurately. There are also many online tax preparation tools that can help you file your taxes quickly and easily.
6. Don't forget state taxes. In addition to federal taxes, you may also be eligible for state tax deductions or credits. Make sure to research the tax laws in your state and take advantage of any available benefits.
7. Stay up to date. Tax laws can change from year to year, so make sure to stay up to date on any changes that may affect your tax situation. This will help ensure that you're taking advantage of all available deductions and credits.

Summing it up

In order for donor egg IVF to be tax-deductible in the United States, it must be deemed medically necessary. This means that the procedure must be recommended by a healthcare provider and must be performed to treat a medical condition. For example, if a woman is unable to conceive naturally due to premature ovarian failure, then donor egg IVF may be deemed medically necessary. But if two men in a same-sex relationship need an egg donor to build their family, the IRS does not view this as tax deductible. 

Additionally, the expenses associated with donor egg IVF must be significant enough to meet the threshold for medical expense deductions. In the United States, this threshold is currently set at 7.5% of a person's adjusted gross income (AGI). This means that if your AGI is $50,000, you can only deduct medical expenses that exceed $3,750.

It's also worth noting that not all expenses associated with donor egg IVF are tax-deductible. It’s best to speak with a tax professional or financial advisor to determine your eligibility for tax-deductible donor egg IVF and to ensure that you are following all necessary procedures for claiming the deduction.

For myriad reasons, finding an egg donor to grow your family can be a complicated process. Just finding a place to search can be overwhelming: you can work with fertility clinics, egg donor agencies like Cofertility, or you can ask someone you know. So, before you start your search, you should ask yourself: do you want to work with someone you know or would you feel more comfortable working with someone with whom you have no connection? The answer to this question will have an impact on everyone involved: you, your family, your future child, the donor, and the donor's family.

Should I use someone I know as my egg donor?

A known donor is someone that you have some level of connection with - be it a friend,  a family member, or an acquaintance. In the early days of IVF working with a known donor wasn’t the norm because it was thought that having a relationship with the donor could create confusion between the parties. But now, with more education and research being done on this type of donation, more people are turning to family and friends to help with building a family. 

Pros of using a known donor

When working with a known donor you may have more information about them versus working with an unknown donor. Even with an in-depth profile, an unknown egg donor’s information can be more limited. Using a known donor can give you more in-depth information making you feel more in control about an already unpredictable and uncertain process. 

If the donor is a family member, you can preserve family genetics by using gametes from the same genetic pool, which for some families is very important. 

Research has shown that donor-conceived children often wonder about their donor.  Conceiving with a known donor can give the child a sense of identity and your child can have a solid understanding about their origins and genetics. 

Cons of using a known donor

There are also some potential problems with using a known donor. For example, there is potential for future conflict on how to raise the child, what and how to tell the child, etc.. Even with a legal contract in place, there can never be any guarantee there won’t be future disputes.

The known donor may feel pressure to donate or may change their mind and  may feel guilt if they say no or back out. Or they may have regrets about donating, creating strain and tension in the family. This can be especially true if the donor develops fertility problems of their own down the road.

Should I use a family member as my egg donor?

When using a family member, it is essential to clarify roles and obligations. Although they are family, their role should not be confused. If your sister is donating her eggs to you, she will be the future child’s aunt, even though she contributed her genetics, she is by no means the mother. Even if they are family, most clinics will still require that the donor go through medical and psychological screening. So, it will be important to discuss what would happen if they didn’t pass one or both types of screenings. 

What makes a good egg donor

There are certain elements that make for a “good donor.” For example she needs to have a healthy body mass index (BMI), be a nonsmoker, a non-drug user, and have no history of substance abuse.  She should also have good fertility health and ideally be between the ages of 21 and 31. 

Psychologically, she should want to donate, not out of guilt or obligation, but because she truly wants to help you grow your family. Importantly, she needs to have full informed consent. She needs to understand the pros and cons of donation, and how it may medically, physically, and psychologically impact her now and down the road.  

How to ask someone to be your egg donor

Before approaching someone to be your egg donor, you yourself should have a clear understanding about why you need an egg donor, how the egg donor process works and the pros and cons of donating as a recipient and as a donor. You need to be fully educated and should be able to answer questions that she may have about all the above. 

Be clear about why you are choosing her  - what about her makes you think she would be the right donor?  Be very open about their long term obligations. Discuss what it means if the treatment doesn’t work. What if there is a pregnancy loss? What are you going to do with the extra embryos?  Then give her the time and space to consider her options.  

Also give her an easy out.  Let her know that you understand if she says no or if she needs time to think. Don’t make her feel that she is your only option or put the burden of your infertility on her.  Let her know if she doesn’t respond by a certain date, you will just assume she is not interested and that you will move on. 

Another option: find a disclosed egg donor through Cofertility

If you are looking for a disclosed egg donor, we can help. At Cofertility, our unique model of egg sharing creates a better experience for everyone involved. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Embryo guarantee. If anything outside of your control prevents you from reaching the guaranteed minimum number of blastocyst-stage embryos for your match, we will rematch you at no additional charge until that minimum is met, up to three total matches.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Conclusion

Deciding to work with an egg donor to build your family can be an emotionally driven and complex decision. Part of making that decision includes considering what kind of donor you want to work with - someone you know or someone you have never met. When approaching someone it is essential to have an open, thoughtful and honest discussion about everything and anything related to the donation process. Then and only then, can a fully informed consent can be made for both sides.

If you are considering conceiving with donor eggs, you may have questions regarding the different types of donation and how they may impact your child. But before you even begin your search for that perfect match, it is essential that you ask yourself a few questions. First, what is anonymous egg donation? Second, does true anonymity exist? Three, why do I want to work with an anonymous donor? Fourth and maybe most important, how will it impact my future child?

What is anonymous egg donation?

Anonymous or undisclosed donation is one where you do not exchange contact information with your donor. Although you will have access to photographs and demographic information, you will never meet or communicate directly with your donor. You may never know who this person is exactly or how their future may unfold. With an undisclosed donation, you could arrange to have the information available to your child down the road (this is sometimes called Open ID).

In contrast, with a disclosed donation you and your donor exchange contact information and communicate directly. This communication can be only for the duration of the medical protocol or it can continue for as long as you wish.  This option keeps the door open for you or your child to reach out to the donor with questions and for you to learn about any changes to their medical history. 

Does true anonymity exist?

It is important to understand that true anonymity can never be guaranteed. Because of the readily available at-home DNA testing, a child can easily discover their true origins. And now with changing laws and depending on where you live, anonymity may not even be an option. And because many people are active on the internet with social media and personal and professional profiles, it is not very difficult to find someone. Meaning not only could you find them, but they could also find you or your child. 

Read more: Why We Don’t Believe in Anonymous Egg Donation

Why do I want to work with an anonymous donor? 

Parents who want to have an anonymous donor typically say that they want to take this path because they believe anonymity will allow them to establish clear boundaries and to protect the mother–child relationship. They believe that having the donor in the picture may complicate the donor–child relationship and undermine the intended mother’s ability to feel secure in her role as mother.  

Interestingly, studies have found that anonymity did not make a difference in how a mother felt about her identity or role as mother after the baby was born, even if she expressed both ambivalence and uncertainties about the non-genetic relationship with their child.  In the end she still felt confident and secure in her identity as the child’s mother. 

How will choosing an anonymous egg donor impact my future child?

Studies show that being open with the child born via donor about his or her conception is important for their identity formation. Donor conceived children are curious about their origins so matching with a known donor means that your child can have the knowledge they are seeking about their origins. 

Donor conceived people have spoken about their experiences of being donor conceived and it is pretty apparent that knowing the donor, in some capacity, is very important to them. In a recent survey, 70% of donor-conceived respondents believed they were harmed by not knowing their donor’s identity, and 80% believed they had been harmed by not knowing their donor’s medical history.

Should I use an anonymous egg donor? 

One major reason for choosing a known donor is information. And information can be powerful. Having more information about the donor specifically as it pertains to their medical history can help you be aware of any changes to the donor’s medical history in the future. 

What are my options at Cofertility?

Most families we work with choose a disclosed relationship. In a disclosed donation with Cofertility, you and the donor will exchange contact information and can communicate directly. 

In an undisclosed donation, you will not exchange contact information and only communicate via Cofertility. We highly encourage disclosed donations as we’ve met with the US Donor Conceived Council and heard from the donor conceived community that disclosed is best for the donor conceived child. However, if you choose to move forward with an undisclosed donation after learning about the potential implications for your child, we will honor that decision. 

Summing it up

The decision to use an anonymous egg donor is a personal one that requires careful consideration. While anonymity may seem like a desirable option at first, it is important to remember that it may not provide long-term protection for the parent-child relationship, and could have lasting impacts on the child's sense of identity and well-being. 

As a result, choosing a disclosed donor may provide more benefits in the long run, particularly when it comes to providing vital medical information and supporting a child's curiosity about their origins. Ultimately, it is up to you to weigh the pros and cons of different donor options and make an informed decision that best supports the well-being of their donor-conceived child.

Coming to terms that you need a donor egg to have a family can elicit all kinds of emotions. A major emotion that plays a big role during this process is grief. Grief is that deep, overwhelming sorrow that comes from loss. In this case, it is the anguish that comes from the death or loss of the dream - the dream of a genetic child. In this article, we’ll discuss grief and how it relates to being told you need an egg donor to conceive. 

What is egg donor grief?

In the late 60s, Dr. Kubler-Ross introduced a model for understanding the psychological reaction to loss. She described a cycle composed of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model can also be applied to understand the concept of donor egg grief.

For those told that they will require the use of donor eggs to procreate, many of the stages described by Dr. Kubler-Ross can occur not only simultaneously but also repeatedly. Unlike the image above, the stages are also not always linear and do not have a specified time period. 

The different stages of donor egg grief can occur during the initial diagnosis, during the decision-making process regarding moving forward or not and for some all the way until the baby is born. The good news is that grief is normal, it is expected, and it does pass. The clouds part and happiness and joy can once again take over. 

The good news is that grief is normal, it is expected, and it does pass.

Signs that you have donor egg grief

Shock

Unless you have always known that you will require assistance to have a child, when you first learn about needing donor eggs, there is shock.  That initial shock usually wears off pretty fast  because we easily slip into denial. 

Denial

Denial is a common defense mechanism used to protect oneself from the reality that a donor egg is needed. Some people are in such denial that they switch clinics thinking that they need a second opinion or that their clinic is incompetent. Denial is normal and can be important for processing difficult information. During this you need to really understand and educate yourself about why you need a donor egg. Find out about your diagnosis, Ask a lot of questions. And yes, it is okay to get a second opinion. Some find that delving into educating themselves serves as an escape from reality, which is natural. But when you start seeing that you cannot escape the fact, then anger begins to kick in. 

Anger

Anger can come in many different forms. There may be anger at self for waiting too long, for not understanding how fertility works. There may be anger at the partner who does not have to surrender his genetics. There may be anger at friends or family who seem to so easily get pregnant. Anger is also a normal and natural response. During this time having an outlet, be it creative or physical, or whatever,  is essential. Channeling that rage and letting it out allows you to walk the path toward healing.

Bargaining

In order to move on from anger and to get a semblance of control, many move into bargaining. This can look like, “I will focus solely on treatment and 100% on clean eating and living, and I will donate money to fertility causes, if I can try IVF one more time. I know this time it will work, this time will be different.” The truth is that bargaining is really a way to protect oneself from the painful reality of that lost genetic connection, to not want to believe that this diagnosis is true. So thoughts such as, “I probably wasn’t doing the hormone injections right. My doctor wasn’t giving me strong enough hormones.” are also part of the process.  

Depression

If you start to feel persistent feelings of sadness, a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, hopelessness, issues with sleep, and fatigue, you are entering the stage of depression. Now is the time for self-compassion which is the process of turning compassion inward.  Now is the time to be kind and understanding and to give ourselves support and encouragement. Research shows that self-compassion can be a powerful source of coping and resilience as it can radically improve mental and physical wellbeing. 

Acceptance

The last and final stage of donor egg grief is acceptance. This is recognizing the reality that if you are to have a family, a donor egg will be required. This is when the longing to be a parent outweighs the need to procreate and have a genetic link to a child. This is when you no longer struggle with the loss of that genetic tie and instead decide to focus on what it will be like to finally be a parent. This is when the old expectations of how you saw yourself becomes redefined.  The definition of mothering, nurturing and family also changes and you start seeing a happy future once again. You start to realize that perhaps the best parts of you are not genetic, but things that were learned, nurtured and taught. And those are things you can and will pass down to your child. 

We are here for you

Whether you choose to match with an egg donor through Cofertility or elsewhere, it’s important to find a reputable and compassionate agency that will treat you with respect and provide you with the resources and support you need throughout the process. Remember that you are not alone, and that there is hope for building the family of your dreams, even if it looks different than what you imagined.

Read more:

• How Can I Come to Terms with Using Donor Eggs?
• The Parent-Child Relationship in Families Created Using Egg Donation
• Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs?

As more and more families turn to assisted reproductive technologies to build their families, the question of age becomes increasingly important. For those using donor eggs or a gestational carrier (or both), the age of the person contributing to the pregnancy can have a significant impact on the chances of success. 

In this article, we will explore whether the age of the egg donor or gestational carrier matters more for the chances of a healthy pregnancy.

Does egg donor age matter?

The age of the egg donor is a crucial factor in the success of a donor egg IVF cycle. As females age, their egg quality and quantity decreases, which can lead to lower rates of successful fertilization, implantation, and live births. In general, “younger” donors have a higher chance of producing high-quality eggs that are more likely to result in a successful pregnancy.

This means that the average 28-year-old donor has a significantly higher chance of producing a successful pregnancy than a 45-year-old donor (and one of the reasons ASRM recommends that donors be under the age of 34). However, even with a younger donor, other factors such as the quality of the sperm used, the quality of the clinic, and the health of the person carrying the pregnancy can majorly impact the success of the cycle.

So what do we mean by “younger” egg donor? While ASRM recommends egg donors are between the ages of 21 and 34, the sweet spot seems to be ages 25-34. Not only for reasons of donor maturity, but also because research suggests better outcomes. One study found the chances of live birth among cycles using egg donors < 25 years was 13% lower for those using donors age 25 to 29. And another older but large study of 3,889 fresh donor egg cycles found that the cycles utilizing donors 30 to 34 years had a higher incidence of live birth compared to cycles with donors under 30 years, as well as donors over 34. 

While many people gravitate towards younger donors under the assumption that they’ll retrieve more eggs, the good news is that the number of eggs retrieved - for donors at any age- is predictable. When you find a donor profile that resonates with you, your doctor will help determine if she’s a good candidate. All the donors at Cofertility are pre-qualified and most of them pass medical clearance upon match.

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I’m carrying the pregnancy, does my age matter?

If you intend to carry the pregnancy, you may be wondering what matters more… your age or the egg donors age. For the most part, the age of your egg donor is more critical to success than your age at embryo transfer and pregnancy.

That’s because at every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs. 

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The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.

Studies show that your chances of success using donor eggs does not diminish in your 40s. So while getting pregnant with your own eggs may be unlikely, using donor eggs can greatly increase your chances of a successful and healthy baby well into your 40s and even 50s.  

Many women in their 40s and 50s can carry a pregnancy when using donor eggs, although some need to use a gestational carrier for a variety of reasons. It’s important to note that carrying a pregnancy in your 40s and 50s does carry increased risks of pregnancy complications like. hypertensive disorders and gestational diabetes.

I’m using a gestational carrier (surrogate), whose age is more important?

If you need both an egg donor and gestational carrier, you may wonder how their age will impact the chances of success. As stated earlier, the recommended age range for an egg donor is 21-34, but the range for gestational carriers is broader at 21 to 45 years old.

While egg donation has its own set of criteria, the ideal gestational carrier is a healthy female between the ages of 21 and 45 who has had at least one successful term pregnancy, and has been medically and psychologically cleared.

If you are using a gestational carrier, the age of the gestational carrier is also an important factor to consider. But as long as she meets the criteria and has been medically cleared, whether she is 25 or 35 should not impact your chances of success. 

Is there an age limit for IVF with donor eggs?

Technically, there is no age limit (legal or otherwise) in the United States for pursuing IVF with or without donor eggs. But ASRM discourages IVF for females older than 55, and some clinics set their own age limits for patients they will treat. 

For females over 45 years old, ASRM advises:

• “Comprehensive” medical testing for cardiovascular and metabolic fitness to ensure the safety of the mother and baby during pregnancy 
• Psychosocial evaluation to determine if support is in place to raise a child to adulthood
• Counseling patients on potential increased medical risks related to pregnancy

There is no official recommendation when it comes to the age of a male intended parent.

Summing it up

It’s important to remember that your age when you (or your gestational carrier) get pregnant is not as important as the age of the eggs that formed the embryo. The success of egg donation depends on many factors, but is not considered to be related to the age of the recipient.

While the age of the egg donor and gestational carrier can impact the success of the cycle, it is not the only factor to consider. Other factors such as the quality of the sperm, the caliber of the clinic, and any underlying medical conditions should also be taken into account. Ultimately, the best approach will depend on your individual circumstances, and a consultation with a qualified reproductive endocrinologist can help determine the best course of action.

More resources:

• What You Need to Know About Getting Pregnant In Your 40s
• Which Should I Find First: An Egg Donor or a Surrogate?
• Is there a Maximum Age for Egg Donor IVF?