Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs

For gay dads who wish to have a genetically connected child, choosing whose sperm to use is an important decision. It involves considerations of genetics, personal preferences, legal, and ethical aspects. In this article, we will delve into various ways gay dads can navigate this decision and explore four options we’ve seen for family building through egg donation. 

Option 1: One egg donor, half the eggs are fertilized by each partner

In this option, a single egg donor is selected, and the eggs retrieved from the donor are split between both partners for fertilization. Each partner's sperm is used to fertilize an equal number of eggs. 

At that point, you could simply pick the highest quality embryo to transfer, regardless of who is the genetic father (or not find out the genetic linkage at all). Or, if you want to have more than one child, you could pick one embryo from each dad. In this option, if you have more than one child, those siblings would be genetically related to each other.

Option 2: Different egg donor for each partner

In this option, two egg donors are chosen—one who resembles each partner physically or in certain desired traits. Then, the other partner’s sperm fertilizes the eggs. Each partner's chosen egg donor provides the eggs for fertilization, allowing for a potential resemblance between the child and both partners.

We often see this strategy in bi-racial relationships. For example, if one partner is Black and the other is Korean, they could find two egg donors, one Black and one Korean. The Black dad would fertilize the eggs of the Korean egg donor, and vice versa. In this method, the children have the same ethnicity (in this example, that would be half Black and half Korean). 

This option offers the potential for the child to share physical or desired traits with both partners, and each partner has a direct genetic link to a child through their respective egg donor. However, any siblings would not be genetically related to each other. 

Option 3: Family member serves as egg donor

This option involves using a family member, such as the sister or cousin of one partner, as the egg donor. The eggs retrieved from the family member are fertilized with the sperm from the other partner, creating a familial genetic connection between the child and both partners.

This option maintains a strong genetic link to each partner's family, potentially providing a sense of connection and belonging. However, introducing family members into the reproductive process could add emotional and familial complexities that need to be carefully considered.

Option 4: “Trade-sies” with a same-sex female couple for egg and sperm sharing

In this option, which one parent told us they called “trade-sies”, a same-sex male couple can collaborate with a same-sex female couple who are also interested in starting a family through IVF. 

One of the female partners from the lesbian couple can donate eggs, while one of the male partners from the gay couple can donate sperm. The two families would divide the resulting embryos. For the gay dads, the embryos would be transferred to a gestational carrier. 

This option allows both the gay dads and the lesbian couple to share in the journey of starting a family, creating a unique and supportive bond. This arrangement can foster long-lasting connections between the families involved, creating a broader support network for the child(ren).

Partnering with another couple involves intricate legal arrangements, such as co-parenting agreements, to establish parental rights and responsibilities. As with any co-parenting arrangement, there is a possibility of differences or conflicts arising in the future, which may require ongoing communication and cooperation to navigate successfully.

Find an egg donor through Cofertility

Our Family by Co platform honors families and egg donors with a thoughtful, human-centered egg donor matching experience. Our unique egg sharing model empowers egg donors to take control of their own reproductive health while giving families the gift of a lifetime. Instead of cash compensation, our donors get to keep half of the eggs retrieved. 

Why Cofertility:

• Egg donors you won’t find anywhere else: Our unique model removes cash compensation from the equation — and as a result, the incredible women on our platform are all ambitious, educated, kind, and eager to help other families while investing in their own reproductive future.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Community: Our Family by Co Community (coming soon!) will be a safe space for intended parents of all kinds to connect, support each other, and gain access to exclusive member resources, experts, and events.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We started this company with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. And we promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.

Our Split model empowers donors and enables families to find the egg donor perfect match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just getting educated on egg donation or ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.

Learn more:

• Five Helpful Questions Gay Dads Should Answer Before Starting a Family
• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation