At Cofertility, we strive to honor all involved in the family-building process — including intended parents, donors, and, importantly, all donor-conceived people. We’ve taken hardline stances on issues that affect donor conceived people, and you can read more about that stance here. Below, we’ll dive a bit deeper into our “why” as well as our “how.”
Removing cash compensation from egg donation
We hear the donor conceived community loud and clear, and value their diverse insights. Our goal is to continue listening, learning, and doing what is right by the humans we are helping create. For instance, instead of the traditional cash compensation model used by other clinics and agencies, our donors are instead freezing half of the eggs retrieved for free, preserving their own family building options for the future.
We agree with The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM)’s statement that egg donor compensation can open the door for exploitation. Furthermore, a 2021 Harvard study indicated that 62% of donor-conceived adults feel that the exchange of money for donor gametes is wrong and 41% were troubled about the exchange of money around their conception.
Donor-conceived people have the right to information about their genetics
While we are strong believers that love makes a family, we also believe it is the right of a donor conceived child to know their genetics. We are one of the first egg donor matching platforms to speak out against the concept of “anonymous” donation. When starting this company, some people in the field told us this stance would make it harder to recruit donors. But it turns out, when we talk to potential donors about the benefits of having a disclosed relationship, the vast majority are on board.
We are abundantly clear about our position on this issue with every person who chooses to donate her eggs through our Split program. All donors provide their informed verbal and written consent to the fact that disclosed relationships benefit the donor conceived child and are aware that the child born from their eggs may reach out in the future.
While parents can choose to not have a relationship with the donor, we encourage parents to refrain from making that decision on behalf of their child. Donor conceived people deserve to know about their genetics, and should be able to reach out to the donor if they so choose.
Understanding disclosure as an intended parent
We view donor/family relationship options as a true spectrum — ranging from email availability in case someone is needed, to attending birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs of donor conceived children. However, to ensure everyone is directionally on the same page from the beginning, we ask intended parents and donors to indicate their match preferences as one of two options:
- Disclosed: intended parents and donors exchange contact information and can communicate directly. The scope and degree of communication (both during and post-match) is what both parties make of it.
- Undisclosed: intended parents and donors do not exchange contact information and only communicate through Cofertility.
We are explicit with all parties that research indicates true benefits of being open with children about their donor conceived roots. We encourage disclosed donations and are eager to connect intended parents with evidence-based research and experts who can discuss the topic further. That said, it is important to us to be inclusive of cultures that still prefer undisclosed donations. We hold space for those intended parents and strive to help them reach an arrangement with their donor that honors their cultural needs alongside the donor conceived person’s lived experience.
Sharing best-practices when it comes to raising a donor-conceived child
We recognize that family-building is far from a one-and-done transaction. Our goal is to support all parties through and beyond the matching process — and that includes helping educate parents on best practices for raising a donor conceived child.
According to the ASRM’s Ethics Committee, there are mental and emotional well-being benefits of telling donor conceived children about their origin at an earlier age. Saira Jhutty, a fertility psychologist and Medical Advisor to Cofertility, suggests that parents start a baby book that includes a letter to their child about donor conception. We encourage families to maintain continued openness and honesty, demonstrating a comfort with the subject and a willingness to embrace their child’s curiosity.
Read more: Nine Things To Know About Raising A Donor Conceived Child
Ultimately, we want to listen
We think it’s hugely important to listen and amplify the voices of donor-conceived people, and we support the U.S. Donor Conceived Council in its mission to lift up this community that is so close to our hearts. We have met with the USDCC, as well as other donor-conceived people, for feedback and to ensure our work lives up to their mission.
If you are a donor-conceived person and have feedback for us, we want to hear from you.
