Knowledge is at the heart of our work
We’ve created a library of articles covering everything you need to know about the egg donation process, how to support your donor-conceived child, and more.
Does Health Insurance Cover Donor Eggs?
The journey to parenthood can be complex, particularly when it involves in-vitro fertilization (IVF) using donor eggs. One question that often arises as part of this process is, "Does health insurance cover donor eggs?" The answer to this question is nuanced, and will depend largely on your specific health insurance policy, your place of residence, and several other factors. This article will explore the ins and outs of insurance coverage for procedures involving donor eggs, providing a roadmap for prospective parents navigating this intricate terrain.
The journey to parenthood can be complex, particularly when it involves in-vitro fertilization (IVF) using donor eggs. One question that often arises as part of this process is, "Does health insurance cover donor eggs?" The answer to this question is nuanced, and will depend largely on your specific health insurance policy, your place of residence, and several other factors. This article will explore the ins and outs of insurance coverage for procedures involving donor eggs, providing a roadmap for prospective parents navigating this intricate terrain.
Understanding health insurance and ART
Before delving into specifics, let’s discuss the fundamental relationship between health insurance and assisted reproductive technology (ART). Health insurance policies vary significantly in their coverage of fertility treatments. Some plans offer comprehensive coverage, including multiple cycles of IVF, while others might only cover diagnostic procedures, or nothing at all. What’s more, some plans limit coverage to people facing infertility, leaving out same-sex couples and those pursuing IVF for genetic reasons. So an important first step is understanding the specifics of your individual insurance plan’s coverage of fertility treatment. From there, you can investigate potential coverage of procedures involving donor eggs.
Insurance coverage for donor eggs
The insurance landscape for donor egg IVF is even more complex. For starters, if your insurance plan does cover IVF, it doesn't necessarily guarantee that it also covers procedures involving donor eggs. Those plans that do offer coverage for IVF using donor eggs can also vary - some may cover the medical procedures related to egg retrieval and embryo transfer but might not cover the costs associated with the donor herself. These costs can include compensation for the donor, legal fees, agency fees, and the donor's medical and psychological screenings, among others.
Location-based variations
Your location can also significantly impact the extent of coverage you might have for fertility treatments involving donor eggs. Across the country, 17 states (and counting!) have laws requiring insurance companies to cover or offer coverage for infertility diagnosis and treatment.
However, the specifics of these laws vary from state to state, and not all necessarily mandate coverage for procedures involving donor eggs. While most laws are vague without any mention of donor eggs, a few specifically require coverage of donor eggs. Let’s look at those:
Delaware
The DE law states that “in vitro fertilization, including IVF using donor eggs, sperm, or embryos and IVF where the embryo is transferred to a gestational carrier or surrogate must be covered.”
Maine
The ME law states that health plans must cover fertility diagnostics and treatment, without “any limitations on coverage for any fertility services based on an enrollee's use of donor gametes.” However, any nonmedical costs for using donor eggs can be excluded from coverage.
Massachusetts
The MA law requires insurance plans to cover treatment of infertility including donor egg procurement.
New Hampshire
The NH law states that health plans must provide coverage for medically necessary fertility treatment, including “treatments associated with the procurement of donor eggs.”
New Jersey
NJ law requires health plans to provide coverage for four egg retrievals per lifetime, and IVF using donor eggs.
An important note: Even if your state has infertility coverage laws in place, your specific health plan might not be required to comply. Self-insured or self-funded insurance plans are exempt from state law and employers do not have to follow the state insurance laws. Some states also exempt employers under a certain size from having to provide coverage. The best way to find out is to talk to your health plan directly.
Other ways to pay for donor eggs
If your insurance plan does not cover procedures involving donor eggs, there are still options you can explore to help manage the costs. These can include employer-sponsored reimbursement options (like Carrot Fertility), fertility financing companies, grants and scholarships from non-profit organizations, and discounted treatment packages or refund programs from fertility clinics. It's worthwhile to explore these avenues and to discuss potential options with a financial counselor at your fertility clinic.
Read more in Eggonomics: Seven Options for Paying for Donor Egg IVF
Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you at no additional match deposit or Cofertility Coordination Fee until that happens.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
Summing it up
Navigating health insurance coverage for procedures involving donor eggs can be complex and sometimes overwhelming. Unfortunately most plans do not cover any IVF, let alone donor egg IVF.
Start by understanding your individual insurance plan, and don't hesitate to seek clarification from your insurance provider about the specifics of your coverage. Exploring other financing options can also help manage costs if insurance coverage is limited or non-existent.
Importantly, remember that our team is here for you every step of the way, before and after matching. If you have questions about how an egg donor journey with Cofertility would be covered by your insurance, don’t hesitate to reach out. We wish you all the best!
Read more:
Understanding the Language of Egg Donation Disclosure: Anonymous, Known, Disclosed, Open ID
At Cofertility, we pride ourselves on guiding our members through the journey of egg donation, ensuring a supportive, transparent, and ethical process for all parties involved. One aspect of this process involves helping our members understand the various terms used within the realm of egg donation, and pros and cons of each type of disclosure status.
At Cofertility, we pride ourselves on guiding our members through the journey of egg donation, ensuring a supportive, transparent, and ethical process for all parties involved. One aspect of this process involves helping our members understand the various terms used within the realm of egg donation, and pros and cons of each type of disclosure status.
Each relationship is unique and depends on both the desires of the donor and family, as well as what’s best for any future donor conceived children.
This guide is meant to aid you in making informed decisions that align with your personal beliefs, comfort level, and the best interest of any potential donor conceived children.
Let’s dive into the terms:
- Anonymous egg donor: an outdated term used to describe someone whose identity is not shared with the family. In today’s age of social media and genetic testing, we think “anonymous” is a misnomer.
- Non-anonymous egg donor: an outdated term used to describe when an egg donor and intended parents have each other’s contact information.
- Known egg donor: usually used to describe an egg donor who knows the intended parents, like a family member or friend.
- Unknown egg donor: an egg donor that does not know the intended parents, and vice versa.
- Disclosed donation: the intended parents and egg donor exchange contact information and communicate directly. This does not mean they have an ongoing relationship, just that they have the names of one another.
- Undisclosed donation: the intended parents and egg donor do not exchange contact information.
- Open ID: the intended parents and egg donor do not exchange contact information, but the egg donor agrees to have her identity disclosed to the child born from her donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically at 18 years.
- Identity-release: another term for open ID.
The problem with “anonymous” egg donation
Traditionally, egg donations were often declared "anonymous," meaning the identities of the egg donor and the intended parents were kept secret from each other. However, in today's world, where genetic testing is widely accessible, we believe no donation can be truly anonymous. We caution against believing anyone who tells you otherwise!
Read more about why we don’t believe in anonymous egg donation.
Known and unknown egg donation
A known donor is someone that you have some level of connection with - be it a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance. In the early days of donor egg IVF, working with a known donor wasn’t the norm because it was thought that having a relationship with the donor could create confusion between the parties. But now, with more education and research being done on this type of donation, more people are turning to family and friends to help with building a family.
Yet most egg donation cycles are with "unknown" egg donors, where there is no previous relationship. You can have an “unknown” egg donor that you get to know, or they can remain undisclosed.
Disclosed and undisclosed egg donation
Disclosed and undisclosed are the terms we prefer to use at Cofertility to describe the two types of disclosure agreements possible.
In a disclosed donation with Cofertility, you and the donor will exchange contact information and can communicate directly. We highly encourage this model as it promotes transparency and aligns with feedback from the donor-conceived community.
In an undisclosed donation, you do not exchange contact information and only communicate via Cofertility. Although we recommend disclosed donations, we respect the individual's choice for undisclosed donation after understanding the potential implications for the donor-conceived child.
Regardless of your donation disclosure status being disclosed or undisclosed, you may choose to meet the donor during the matching period without exchanging contact information.
The scope and degree of communication in a disclosed donation (both during and post-match) is what both parties make of it and can be outlined in your legal agreement. Communication can range from sharing an annual holiday card to direct, regular communication between the donor and your donor-conceived child.
Your disclosure status does not necessarily dictate the relationship with the donor. For instance, you may opt for a disclosed donation, where you share contact information, but decide against maintaining regular communication.
Open ID egg donation
For those who choose an undisclosed donation, open ID (sometimes called identity release) is an alternative. This model allows for the donor's identity to be disclosed to the child resulting from the donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically 18 years.
This arrangement respects the potential desire of the donor conceived child to know more about their genetic background and potentially connect with the donor. The open ID agreement is often structured based on the comfort and consent of all parties involved and takes into consideration the best interest of the donor conceived person.
Read more about Open ID
Exploring real-life scenarios: understanding the fluidity of relationships in egg donation
Every single relationship is different, and ultimately up to the intended parents and egg donor to decide. To illustrate how the various terms and models of egg donation work in practical scenarios, let’s explore three real-life examples:
Scenario 1: Unknown, undisclosed donor with Open ID agreement
In this scenario, a family chooses to work with an unknown, undisclosed donor they find through Cofertility. This means that the family and the donor do not exchange contact information, and all communication is handled through Cofertility. This ensures a certain level of privacy and confidentiality while still allowing the exchange of crucial information.
However, the family decides to opt for an Open ID agreement. This arrangement acknowledges the potential curiosity of the donor-conceived child about their genetic roots. Once the child reaches age 18, they will be granted the opportunity to learn about the donor’s identity and, if mutually agreed upon, potentially establish a connection.
Scenario 2: Known, disclosed donor
In the second scenario, a family chooses to work with a known, disclosed donor who happens to be a relative – in this case, a sister. This situation represents one of the highest levels of openness in egg donation, with full knowledge and likely frequent contact between the donor and the intended parents.
In such a model, there's often an ongoing relationship between the donor and the child. The child grows up knowing about their genetic heritage, understanding that their aunt was the generous person who made their existence possible.
Scenario 3: Unknown, disclosed donor
In our third example, a family works with an unknown, disclosed donor. Here, while the donor's identity is initially unknown, the family and the donor exchange contact information via Cofertility and choose to maintain a certain level of contact.
In this case, the family sends the donor a card every year, marking the child's birthday or a holiday, for instance. The donor is not a major part of the family’s day-to-day life, but there's a small bridge of connection that keeps her updated and maintains a cordial relationship. This scenario underlines the flexibility within the disclosed donation model, wherein the extent and nature of communication can be customized to each party's comfort level.
These examples illustrate that egg donation relationships can vary immensely and can be tailored to meet the unique needs, comfort levels, and preferences of all parties involved. At Cofertility, we are committed to facilitating such arrangements that respect and honor the donors, the intended parents, and the donor-conceived children
The power of choice: respecting cultural preferences & unique circumstances
While we advocate for disclosed or open ID donations, and the benefits of being open with children about their donor-conceived origins, we respect the cultural needs and unique circumstances of those who prefer undisclosed donations. At Cofertility, we strive to connect intended parents with research and experts, aiding in informed decision-making, and respecting cultural considerations.
Understanding these terms and the principles behind them can make your journey through egg donation smoother and more transparent. At Cofertility, we are here to guide you, ensuring a process that honors all parties involved, including the donor, the intended parents, and most importantly, the donor conceived children.
Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
What Intended Parents Should Know About Open ID Egg Donation
At Coertility, we advocate for Open ID agreements when direct disclosure is not possible, shifting the traditional paradigm to honor the needs and rights of every individual involved in the process.
In the dynamic landscape of third-party reproduction, the advent of Open ID egg donation marks a significant shift in egg donation. It's a model that places a strong emphasis on honesty, transparency, and the best interests of all parties involved: the donors, the intended parents, and most importantly, the donor-conceived children. At Coertility, we advocate for Open ID agreements when direct disclosure is not possible, shifting the traditional paradigm to honor the needs and rights of every individual involved in the process.
What is Open ID egg donation?
Open ID, sometimes referred to as Identity Release, egg donation refers to a practice wherein the egg donor agrees to have her identity disclosed to the child born from her donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically at 18 years. Unlike traditional anonymous egg donations, Open ID egg donation recognizes the potential need for children to access vital information about their genetic heritage, medical history, and potentially, their donor's identity.
In some countries, like the UK, open ID is the law. Since 2005, every child born via donor gametes in the UK has the right to personal non-identifying information about the donor (such as a physical description, year of birth, and medical history) at age 16. Upon turning 18, they are entitled to identifying information including the donor’s name and last known address.
Disclosed vs undisclosed vs open ID egg donation
Navigating the world of egg donation involves understanding various terminologies and models of donation. At Cofertility, we have two main types of egg donations - disclosed and undisclosed, each of which can provide a different level of contact and communication between the intended parents and the donor. For families and donors that chose undisclosed donation, open ID is an alternative.
Disclosed Donation
A disclosed donation is when the donor and the intended parents mutually agree to exchange contact information and communicate directly with each other. This model facilitates open communication and interaction, fostering a deeper understanding and connection between the parties. Disclosed donations often provide an opportunity for both the donor and the intended parents to establish rapport and ease any potential anxieties associated with the process.
This doesn’t mean that the donor is in the family’s life. The disclosure status is separate from any potential relationship that you have with the donor. For example, you may have a disclosed donation, in which you share contact information but decide not to maintain any regular communication.
Undisclosed Donation
In contrast to the disclosed model, an undisclosed donation at Cofertility means that the intended parents and the donor do not exchange contact information and communicate solely through our team. We act as an intermediary, relaying information and facilitating discussions between both parties. This model provides a layer of privacy while still enabling crucial information exchange.
Open ID egg donation
For those who choose an undisclosed donation, open ID is an alternative. This model allows for the donor's identity to be disclosed to the child resulting from the donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically 18 years.
This arrangement respects the potential desire of the donor conceived child to know more about their genetic background and potentially connect with the donor. The open ID agreement is often structured based on the comfort and consent of all parties involved and takes into consideration the best interest of the donor conceived person.
At Cofertility, we encourage both disclosed and open ID agreements, as we believe in the importance of honoring the rights and curiosity of donor-conceived people. This approach demonstrates our commitment to transparency, honesty, and respect for all parties involved in the deeply personal process of egg donation. At baseline, studies show the benefits of being honest with your child about his or her donor conceived origins
Why Cofertility supports open ID egg donation
At Cofertility, we firmly believe that anonymous egg donation belongs to the past. With the advancements in genetic testing and the increasingly interconnected world we live in, the promises of anonymity given by many egg donation agencies are simply wrong. In a world where genetic testing is widely accessible, there are no guarantees of a completely anonymous gamete donation.
But that doesn’t mean that a disclosed donation is right for every family. And we think it’s important to us to be mindful of unique circumstances and inclusive of cultures that still prefer undisclosed donations. We hold space for those intended parents and strive to help them reach an arrangement with their donor that honors their cultural needs alongside the donor conceived person’s lived experience. In these cases, open ID is an option that gives the parents privacy they desire, while giving the donor conceived child a chance to know who the donor is if they choose to as an adult.
Prioritizing the child's best interest
We are very explicit with the families we work with about the research indicating the benefits of being open with children about their donor-conceived roots. We encourage disclosed donations and are eager to connect intended parents with evidence-based research and experts who can discuss the topic further. We encourage both egg donors and intended parents to consider the best interests of the potential donor-conceived child in this process. For many donor-conceived individuals, knowing their genetic background is an essential part of their identity.
Open ID egg donation allows these donor-conceived individuals to access this vital information, enhancing their understanding of their own identity. It also provides them with the option to connect with their donor, should they wish to do so, once they reach adulthood.
This model not only respects the curiosity and rights of the donor-conceived child but also acknowledges the donor's role in the conception process. It also allows intended parents to answer any questions their child might have about their genetic background honestly and openly.
Building relationships: a customized approach
At Cofertility, we believe in the power of relationships. We work closely with all parties involved in the egg donation process to build a relationship that feels right for them.
We guide donors and intended parents through the complexities of agreements (including open ID agreements), ensuring that they understand the potential future implications and are comfortable with the level of contact agreed upon. Each egg donation agreement is customized based on the comfort level and wishes of all parties, ensuring a mutual understanding and respect for everyone's preferences.
Summing it up
Open ID egg donation is a progressive approach that honors the needs, rights, and best interests of donors, families, and donor conceived offspring. At Cofertility, we're committed to transparency, honesty, and respect for all parties involved in this deeply personal process.
In a world of ever-evolving third party reproduction, we are dedicated to moving with the times, staying up to date with the latest research, and promoting practices that reflect the reality of today's world. Our focus remains on building strong relationships, facilitating open communication, and ultimately, serving the best interests of donor-conceived children.
As we help build families, we invite you to join us in embracing this approach, paving the way for a more transparent, respectful, and child-centered egg donation process.
Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
Does AMH Matter When Choosing an Egg Donor?
There are many factors to consider when making decisions about your family's future. One question that often arises in this context is: "Does AMH matter when choosing an egg donor?" This article aims to shed light on AMH, detailing the role of AMH in fertility and its relevance in the egg donor selection process.
Navigating the world of third party reproduction as intended parents can be overwhelming. There are many factors to consider when making decisions about your family's future. One question that often arises in this context is: "Does AMH matter when choosing an egg donor?" This article aims to shed light on AMH, detailing the role of AMH in fertility and its relevance in the egg donor selection process.
Understanding AMH
Anti-Mullerian Hormone, known as AMH, is an essential biomarker for assessing ovarian reserve, which is the quantity of eggs that are currently available in the ovaries for fertilization.
AMH levels naturally decline with age, but remain fairly stable throughout the menstrual cycle. AMH is used to give a snapshot of ovarian reserve at any point in time. Higher AMH levels are generally indicative of a larger ovarian reserve, while lower levels suggest a diminished ovarian reserve.
AMH and egg donation
When choosing an egg donor, intended parents often wonder how much they should pay attention to the donor's AMH levels. To answer succinctly: Yes, AMH does matter when choosing an egg donor, but it is only one piece of the larger puzzle.
A donor's AMH level provides valuable information about how she might respond to the fertility medications used during the egg retrieval process. Generally, donors with above-average AMH levels are likely to produce a larger number of eggs during a single retrieval cycle. This could potentially result in a greater number of embryos available for transfer and freezing.
Because AMH is a good predictor of ovarian response, a fertility doctor will use the egg donor’s AMH levels (amongst other biomarkers) to determine the drugs and dosages during the procedure.
AMH measurements vary across clinics, so it’s best to use the reference range provided by the lab. In general, you can interpret their AMH level this way:
- Above 1.0 ng/ml (nanograms per deciliter): Normal
- Below 1.0 ng/ml: Showing weakness in the ovarian reserve
- Below 0.5 ng/ml: Showing severe weakness in the ovarian reserve
A very high level of AMH could be a sign of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which may require specific fertility treatment and/or medications.
While AMH is a good measure of egg quantity, it does not directly reflect egg quality. Other factors, such as the donor's age, overall health, lifestyle, and genetic screening results, also play vital roles in determining egg quality and should be considered in the selection process.
The bigger picture: beyond AMH
While AMH levels serve as an important marker in the donor selection process, it's critical to note that a successful pregnancy depends on many more factors. Donors should have a minimum AMH of 2.0 ng/ml – beyond that, you should look at the egg donor’s qualifications holistically.
A donor's medical history, genetic screening results, antral follicle count, lifestyle, and physical health should all be considered alongside AMH levels. This comprehensive evaluation aids in the selection of a donor who is likely to provide high-quality eggs that can lead to a successful pregnancy.
Furthermore, the health of the intended mother (or gestational carrier) plays a very important role in the success of the embryo transfer and subsequent pregnancy. Her overall health, uterine environment, and the expertise of the fertility clinic are all crucial pieces in the journey towards a successful pregnancy.
Egg donors at Cofertility
At Cofertility, we take an integrated approach to egg donor selection. We understand that while AMH is a valuable marker of ovarian reserve (which is why all our donors have an AMH over 2 ng/ml), but it's not the only factor that matters. That's why we conduct a comprehensive evaluation of all potential donors, examining medical history, conducting thorough genetic screening, psychological screening, and assessing overall health and lifestyle. We also meet with each donor 1:1 to get to know them personally.
We aim to provide our intended parents with the most complete picture possible, ensuring that you have all the necessary information to make an informed and confident decision. Our team of fertility experts is here to guide you through this complex process and assist you every step of the way in your journey towards parenthood.
our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive!
Summing it up
In the quest for the perfect egg donor, AMH plays an important role, but it should not be the sole deciding factor. A successful pregnancy depends on a multitude of factors, each playing their part in the intricate dance of assisted reproduction.
At Cofertility, we strive to provide the best possible support for intended parents and ensure that your journey towards parenthood is as smooth as possible.
About us
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
POI, POF, POR, DOR, FOR, TOR, Oh My! A Guide to Ovarian Reserve Acronyms
Each of these acronyms represents a distinct condition or factor that can influence fertility, and understanding them is vital to making informed decisions about your reproductive health.These acronyms pertain to various ovarian conditions that can contribute to infertility, each with their unique challenges and treatment considerations. Though these conditions can introduce obstacles on the journey to parenthood, modern advancements in reproductive medicine provide promising solutions. In particular, egg donation stands as a beacon of hope for many individuals and couples navigating these challenges.
Decoding the mysteries of infertility can sometimes feel like navigating a maze of medical jargon — POI, POF, POR, DOR, FOR… it can be enough to make your head spin. The journey is often filled with complex terminologies and a multitude of acronyms like these, making the process feel even more overwhelming than it already is.
Each of these acronyms represents a distinct condition or factor that can influence fertility, and understanding them is vital to making informed decisions about your reproductive health.
These acronyms pertain to various ovarian conditions that can contribute to infertility, each with their unique challenges and treatment considerations. Though these conditions can introduce obstacles on the journey to parenthood, modern advancements in reproductive medicine provide promising solutions. In particular, egg donation stands as a beacon of hope for many individuals and couples navigating these challenges.
This article is designed to guide you through the intricacies of these terms, what they signify, their implications, prevalence, and treatment options. Whether you're just starting your journey or are already deep into exploring infertility treatments, understanding these terms can empower you to make informed decisions about your reproductive health.
POI - Premature Ovarian Insufficiency
What is POI
Premature Ovarian Insufficiency, or POI, is a condition where a woman's ovaries stop functioning normally before she reaches 40. This results in decreased fertility due to a lower production of eggs, irregular periods or even cessation of menstrual cycles.
What causes POI
The causes can be varied, from genetic disorders to autoimmune diseases, and even certain treatments like chemotherapy. In cases of POI, the option of using donor eggs is a viable solution, as it bypasses the issue of egg production, providing a chance at successful conception.
Prevalence of POI
POI affects approximately 1% of the general population
How it's treated
There is no cure for POI, but there are several treatment options available. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can help alleviate symptoms of menopause and reduce the risk of osteoporosis and heart disease. Those with POI who wish to conceive can also explore fertility treatments like in vitro fertilization (IVF) with donor eggs. Not only can this option (of course) assist with egg quantity, but donor eggs also come from women who are likely to have higher quality eggs and produce healthy embryos.
POI - Primary Ovarian Insufficiency
Primary Ovarian Insufficiency means the same thing as Premature Ovarian Insufficiency: when the ovaries stop functioning normally before age 40. When talking about POI, “Primary Ovarian Insufficiency” is the preferred acronym over “Premature Ovarian Insufficiency” by the National Institutes of Health, because ovarian function is unpredictable in many cases. Also, since 5–10% of women with POI experience unassisted pregnancy, POI is different from menopause, when unassisted pregnancy is impossible.
POF - Premature Ovarian Failure
Premature Ovarian Failure (POF), also often used interchangeably with POI, is a condition where the ovaries cease to function before the age of 40. In 2016, the New European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) proposed using the term “premature ovarian insufficiency” instead for research and clinical practice.
POR - Poor Ovarian Response
What is POR
Poor Ovarian Response is a condition characterized by an inadequate response to ovarian stimulation during assisted reproductive procedures, such as In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Those with POR produce fewer eggs even when given fertility drugs designed to stimulate egg production. This condition reduces the chances of successful IVF due to the lower number of eggs available for retrieval and fertilization.
Prevalence of POR
The estimated prevalence of POR ranges from 6% to 35%. This wide range is primarily due to researchers and clinicians having varying definitions of POR.
How it's treated
Different strategies are employed to manage POR, such as using different protocols or higher doses of fertility drugs. There is some evidence that DHEA and CoQ10 may improve IVF pregnancy rates for those facing POR as well as some evidence that treatment with growth hormone (GH) for POR patients could lead to a higher number of retrieved eggs. In certain cases, fertility doctors may recommend alternative approaches such as the use of donor eggs or embryo adoption. These options can increase the chances of success by (ideally) giving you more healthy embryos to work with over a shorter period of time.
DOR - Diminished Ovarian Reserve
What is DOR
Diminished Ovarian Reserve refers to a decrease in the quantity of eggs. This condition is often related to aging, as the number of eggs declines naturally over time, but it can also occur prematurely in some.
Prevalence of DOR
Between 10% to 30% of people who seek help for infertility have DOR.
How it's treated
Fertility treatments like IVF may be employed, but success rates can be lower due to fewer eggs. Depending on your family-building goals and timeline, the use of donor eggs from a younger, healthy donor can improve embryo fertilization outcomes by providing more eggs, in addition to significantly increasing the likelihood of pregnancy and reducing the risk of miscarriage.
FOR - Functional Ovarian Reserve
What is FOR
Functional Ovarian Reserve refers to the number of responsive follicles in the ovaries at a given time. It is frequently used synonymously with the term 'ovarian reserve'. Several research groups have used markers such as hormone levels or Antral Follicle Count (AFC) of follicles with diameters between 2-10 mm to measure FOR. Therefore, it seems that FOR is the term used to represent a biological quantification of the ovarian reserve. It is different from the diagnosis of Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR), which is based on a low Antral Follicle Count and/or hormonal indicators of reduced ovarian reserve.
Total Ovarian Reserve (TOR):
What is TOR
The Total Ovarian Reserve refers to the total number of immature eggs (primordial follicles) in the ovaries. This reserve is established at birth, decreases naturally with age, and can be influenced by certain medical conditions or treatments.
Prevalence
A decline in TOR is a normal part of aging. However, some patients may experience a faster-than-normal decline due to conditions like POI or POF.
How it's treated
There is currently no proven method to increase the TOR since the number of eggs is established before birth. Fertility treatments aim to make the best use of the existing reserve and include ovulation induction, in-vitro fertilization (IVF), and in many cases, the use of donor eggs. Donor eggs provide a significant benefit for those with a low TOR, offering more eggs— and because they come from young, healthy donors, they increase the chance of a successful pregnancy.
What do these acronyms have in common? The “O.”
The unifying thread that weaves these acronyms together is the letter "O,” representing “Ovarian.” This commonality underlines the critical role the ovaries play in the reproductive system. Ovaries are responsible for egg production, crucial for the conception and reproduction process. Any disruption or disorder affecting the ovaries can have significant impacts on a woman's fertility.
Ovarian function
In conditions like POI and POF, the issue arises from an early cessation or significant decrease in ovarian function. The ovaries prematurely reduce their activity, leading to a limited supply or a complete lack of viable eggs.
Ovarian response
With POR, the ovaries do not respond adequately to fertility treatments designed to stimulate egg production. This poor response leads to fewer eggs being produced than expected, reducing the success rates of assisted reproductive techniques such as IVF.
Ovarian reserve
DOR, TOR, and FOR are all about the 'reserve' of eggs in the ovaries. They refer to the quantity of the eggs a woman has left. DOR is a decrease in the amount or quality of the eggs, TOR refers to the total number of immature eggs (primordial follicles) in the ovaries, and FOR refers to the number of responsive follicles or eggs that can potentially be fertilized.
These acronyms all point to various challenges related to the ovaries that can influence fertility. Understanding these terms allows for more informed discussions with healthcare professionals about potential treatment strategies.
What is the success rate of donor egg IVF?
Donor egg IVF has the highest success rate of any fertility treatment, and using donor eggs can drastically increase your chances of success.
At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs.
At Cofertility, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. Some intended parents want to do two egg retrievals with the donor which is definitely possible. We also ask each of our donors whether they are open to a second cycle as part of the initial application — many report that they are!
You can see how many eggs are retrieved in the first cycle and go from there. If, for any reason, the eggs retrieved in that round do not lead to a live birth, our baby guarantee will kick in and we’ll re-match you at no additional match deposit or Cofertility coordination fee.
The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.
Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
How to Talk to Your Doctor About Working with Cofertility
In general, Cofertility can work with any US-based fertility clinic that reports their results to SART (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology) and works with a certified lab. Or, if you’re outside of the US, the donor can undergo her retrieval at one of our partner clinics, and have them shipped to your clinic worldwide.
Maybe you’ve already found your Cofertility egg donor. Or, you know you want to work with us and are in search of the perfect match. This is an exciting time in your family building journey, and you probably feel a broad mix of emotions. Whether you’re eager, relieved, or even a little bit nervous for what happens next(!), now it’s time to get through some logistics related to the fertility clinic.
In general, Cofertility can work with any US-based fertility clinic that reports their results to SART (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology) and works with a certified lab. Or, if you’re outside of the US, the donor can undergo her retrieval at one of our partner clinics, and have them shipped to your clinic worldwide.
If you have not yet selected a clinic, we’re happy to suggest one from our network of preferred providers. If you’re already working with a clinic and want to stay with them, we support you continuing to work with your existing care team.
We recommend that intended parents focus first and foremost on finding your perfect match. Then we can work together to determine the path forward with your clinic. But, to ensure that you feel prepared for all that’s to come, we’ve compiled a list of a few core questions that are important to ask any clinic you’re considering. Let’s jump in.
“Are you open to overseeing a cycle with a Cofertility egg donor who meets all FDA and ASRM guidelines?”
As it turns out, a small number of clinics have exclusive relationships with specific agencies or egg banks and limit their patients to working with donors from those organizations. Most, however, are open to giving their patients more options and allowing them to work with any agency, provided the donors meet all necessary guidelines and criteria.
If you’re working with a Cofertility egg donor, the donor’s screening, medication, and retrieval protocols will all follow the clinic’s standard processes. From the clinic’s perspective, the only difference between working with a Cofertility donor or another fresh agency donor is that the yield of mature eggs will be split into two lots on the day of the retrieval. One half will be fertilized for your use and the other half will be vitrified for the donor’s future use.
If you’re working with a clinic that we haven’t done a cycle with before, we’ll set up time with their third party team to walk them through our program and answer any of their questions related to clinic operations, finances, and the like.
Depending on your family-building goals, you may opt to do two cycles with the donor. If this is something you’re thinking about or something that your physician recommends, rest assured that many of our donors are excited about the opportunity to do two cycles and we can work with any clinic to make this happen.
“Can you provide any clinic-specific criteria my egg donor needs to meet?”
Occasionally, fertility clinics will have their own additional criteria (above and beyond what the FDA or ASRM outlines) based on their preferences and/or your own unique circumstances. Some examples of this may include the donor’s:
- Family medical history
- Specific genetic testing results
- BMI
- AMH
- Mental health criteria
- Lifestyle habits
- Age
You can let your doctor know that all of our donors are pre-qualified by our clinical operations team with support from our medical advisors (who are REIs). Donors must be under 34, have a minimum AMH of 2.0, and meet all FDA and ASRM guidelines.
“Are you open to the egg donor completing any part of the process outside of your clinic?”
Cofertility’s Split program is nationwide, meaning that you may match with a donor who is not based in the same city as you. All of our donors have discussed this possibility with our team and most have confirmed that they are open to travel. If your perfect match is unable to travel, we can always find a way to work with a clinic local to her.
Occasionally, an egg donor may need or request to complete some of her appointments at a fertility clinic near her home. For context, travel can be harder for those donors whose work or school schedules do not support remote work or lots of time off (for instance, if she is a medical resident or a teacher).
Once we know where your match is located, we will work with her and the clinic to ensure we follow their standard processes. However, it can be helpful to understand whether — and for how long — your clinic requires donors to be in-person so you can plan and budget accordingly.
For the donor’s initial set of screening appointments, clinics travel policies can vary. Some fertility clinics would rather have the donor come in person for screening so they can ensure the testing and overall process meets clinic-specific standards or to streamline logistics. On the flipside, some clinics are open to the donor completing this screening locally and then reviewing screening reports from other clinics. In those cases, the clinic will likely want to verify that the clinic where she does her screening has quality outcomes and solid protocols in place.
When it comes time for the cycle, many clinics are open to having the egg donor complete her initial two to three ultrasound and bloodwork monitoring appointments at a clinic near her. It is more unusual for a clinic to require the donor to be on-site throughout the entire cycle. If she does do the initial appointments at home, she’ll likely need to travel for the last few days of the cycle so she can do her retrieval at your clinic.
If your clinic’s donor retrieval policies lean more rigid (i.e., they’re going to want the donor there for most of the cycle), we recommend considering the following options upfront:
- Work with an egg donor who will travel: Travel preferences are one of the main topics of discussion when we connect with each of the women on our egg donor matching platform. While this information is not on her profile, please reach out to our team at support@cofertility.com if you’re interested in a particular donor and we can let you know where she’s based and whether she’s open to travel.
- Work with a donor who is semi-local: Our egg donors span the entire country, with more and more women added to our platform every week. Working with an egg donor who lives within driving distance of your clinic (e.g. she’s in NYC and you’re in Philadelphia) may mean fewer logistical challenges with your clinic.
- Work with a clinic near the donor: If your perfect donor match happens to be someone who cannot travel, one way to circumvent this challenge is to actually work with a clinic that’s local to her. We are happy to make a recommendation and ensure that you feel comfortable with your physician and whole care team. In this case, your donor will do all of her screening and monitoring at that clinic. For the retrieval, you can either ship frozen sperm or travel to the clinic to provide a fresh sperm cycle. Then, you can choose to either do the transfer at that clinic or ship those frozen embryos back to your clinic for transfer. Before going this route, we recommend confirming that your clinic will accept embryos made at another clinic/lab (many will provide the clinic with documentation about their lab protocols). Another benefit of this approach is that you don’t have to cover the costs associated with her travel.
Summing it up
When considering working with Family by Co, it is crucial to be armed with the right questions to ensure that you have a comprehensive understanding of the process and make informed decisions about your family building journey. By asking the right questions, you can gain valuable insights into your clinic’s policies, procedures, and success rates, allowing you to make an informed choice about partnering with a fertility clinic that collaborates with our egg donor program. If you’d like to talk to a member of our team about how our program, click here to book a 1:1 call
Five Essential Conversations for Couples Considering Donor Eggs on Their Path to Parenthood
Embarking on the journey of parenthood is a significant decision for any couple. For those exploring the option of donor eggs to fulfill their dreams of starting or growing a family, a range of emotions, hopes, and uncertainties also come into play. Before taking this path, it is important for couples to engage in open and honest conversations that address important aspects of the process.
Embarking on the journey of parenthood is a significant decision for any couple. For those exploring the option of donor eggs to fulfill their dreams of starting or growing a family, a range of emotions, hopes, and uncertainties also come into play. Before taking this path, it is important for couples to engage in open and honest conversations that address important aspects of the process.
In this article, we’ll share five essential topics that couples should discuss when considering donor eggs, enabling you to navigate the decision-making process with greater understanding and unity.
Emotions and expectations
The decision to use donor eggs can evoke a myriad of emotions, including excitement, relief, and even grief. Couples must recognize and explore these feelings together, ensuring that both partners have a safe space to express their thoughts and concerns.
Discussing expectations about the conception experience, genetic connections, and the child's future can help align perspectives and foster a supportive foundation as you move forward.
Values and beliefs
Exploring the values and beliefs that underpin your desire to become parents through donor eggs is crucial. Considerations may include cultural and religious aspects, attitudes towards genetic connections, and how you envision sharing your family's unique story with your child. By engaging in these conversations, you can better understand one another's viewpoints, allowing each other to approach the process with a shared sense of purpose and integrity.
Choosing a donor
Selecting an egg donor is an important decision. Discuss the desired traits and characteristics you would like the donor to possess, such as physical attributes, educational background, or personal interests. Reflect on the importance of disclosed and undisclosed donation, and what level of current or future contact you are comfortable with. By having open and respectful conversations, you can navigate this selection process together, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued.
Read more in What Does An Egg Donor Profile Look Like?
Financial considerations
Pursuing donor eggs involves financial commitments, including the cost of the procedure, medications, and potential additional expenses. Candidly discussing your financial situation, exploring available resources, and creating a comprehensive budget will help you make informed decisions about the financial aspects of this journey. Consider the long-term financial implications, such as future educational expenses or any potential needs that may arise as your family grows. By addressing these topics proactively, you can minimize stress and make choices that align with your financial goals.
Emotional support and building a support network
The process of using donor eggs can be emotionally demanding for some. You’ll want to establish a robust support network to lean on during this transformative experience. Discuss your needs for emotional support, whether through friends, family, support groups, or professional counseling. Consider how you can lean on each other and provide comfort during moments of doubt or emotional vulnerability. Nurturing a strong support system will help you navigate the challenges together and ensure a healthy and stable foundation for your growing family.
We’re here for you
As you embark on the path to parenthood using donor eggs, open and honest communication should become the cornerstone of your journey. Engaging in these essential conversations about emotions, expectations, values, donor selection, financial considerations, and emotional support allows you to navigate the decision-making process with greater understanding and unity. By fostering a shared sense of purpose and addressing potential challenges proactively, couples can embark on this transformative experience together, embracing the joy of building a family through the gift of donor eggs.
We started Cofertility with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. And we promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.
Our unique egg sharing model empowers donors and enables families to find the perfect egg donor match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just getting educated on egg donation or ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.
What You Should Know About Poor Ovarian Response (POR)
With advances in reproductive technologies, more and more families are turning to in vitro fertilization (IVF) to build their families. While some may experience smooth IVF journeys, others may face obstacles such as poor ovarian response (POR). POR is a condition that can affect your ability to produce an optimal number of eggs during fertility treatment.
With advances in reproductive technologies, more and more families are turning to in vitro fertilization (IVF) to build their families. While some may experience smooth IVF journeys, others may face obstacles such as poor ovarian response (POR). POR is a condition that can affect your ability to produce an optimal number of eggs during fertility treatment.
In this article, we will explore what POR means for patients, its prevalence, diagnostic methods, potential treatments, and available options for those diagnosed with this condition.
What is meant by low response to ovarian stimulation?
Poor ovarian response (POR) refers to a suboptimal response (actual or predicted) of the ovaries to stimulation during fertility treatment.
During IVF, fertility medications are used to stimulate the ovaries, which culminates in the retrieval of multiple eggs. However, those with POR may produce fewer eggs than expected, which can significantly impact their chances of successful conception or even lead to a canceled cycle.
POR is often associated with reduced ovarian reserve, which refers to the diminished quantity and eggs remaining in the ovaries.
How common is POR?
The estimated prevalence of POR ranges from 6% to 35%. This wide range is primarily due to researchers and clinicians having varying definitions of POR. In fact, one systematic review of 47 studies focusing on POR patients found a staggering 41 different definitions of POR being utilized.
The likelihood of encountering POR increases with age, as ovarian reserve naturally diminishes over time. However, it is important to know that POR can occur in women of all age groups, including younger patients.
What is considered a “poor response” to IVF? Diagnosing POR
The European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) working group established criteria for defining a poor response in IVF.
According to their report, having two or more of the following three features is considered having poor ovarian response:
- Advanced maternal age or any other risk factor for POR
- A history of previous POR
- An abnormal ovarian reserve test
Or, if you experience two episodes of POR after IVF, it is considered a poor response, even without advanced maternal age or low ovarian reserve. Since the term POR specifically refers to the ovarian response, at least one egg retrieval is required for diagnosis.
However, patients of advanced age with an abnormal ovarian reserve may also be classified as poor responders because both factors indicate reduced ovarian reserve and can serve as predictors of the outcome of an ovarian stimulation cycle. If that’s the case, a more accurate term would be "expected poor responders."
How IVF can fail
Each fertility journey is unique, and various factors, including underlying medical conditions, genetic factors, and individual response to medications, can influence the ovarian response to IVF.
Sometimes, IVF isn’t even a viable option due to low ovarian reserve. Ovarian reserve refers to the quantity of eggs remaining in the ovaries. Assessing ovarian reserve through markers such as anti-Müllerian hormone (AMH) levels and antral follicle count (AFC) can provide insights into your potential ovarian response to IVF. A predicted poor response may be indicated by low AMH levels or a reduced number of antral follicles observed during ovarian reserve testing.
Sometimes, even with normal ovarian reserve, you can experience an inadequate ovarian response to stimulation medications, which leads to fewer follicles developing than you would hope. Follicles are fluid-filled sacs within the ovaries that contain developing eggs. During an IVF cycle, hormonal medications support the growth and development of multiple follicles to increase the chances of obtaining viable mature eggs for fertilization. In general, 10–15 follicles is considered to be the optimal response to fertility medications during IVF. In cases of poor ovarian response, the ovaries may not respond adequately to these stimulation medications, resulting in limited follicular development. This poor response may be indicated by a reduced number of developing follicles observed during ultrasound monitoring throughout the stimulation phase of the IVF cycle.
Typically, a good IVF response involves the retrieval of a sufficient number of eggs, allowing for a higher likelihood of successful fertilization and subsequent embryo development. But sometimes, you simply don’t get enough eggs. A poor response can also be characterized by a lower-than-expected number of eggs retrieved, which may fall below the average range for your age group.
Is POR curable?
While POR poses challenges, it does not necessarily mean that you cannot conceive. The severity of POR can vary, and treatment options are available to optimize the chances of successful conception.
Treatment strategies for POR aim to improve ovarian response and enhance the chances of successful egg retrieval. The specific approach will depend on a lot of factors, including the underlying causes of POR and any other reproductive health obstacles you face. Some common treatment options include:
- Adjusting stimulation protocols: Your fertility doctor may modify the medication protocols used during IVF to enhance ovarian response. This may involve altering the dosage or type of fertility medications administered.
- Adding supplements: There is some evidence that DHEA and CoQ10 may improve IVF pregnancy rates for those facing POR.
- Human growth hormone (GH): Some evidence suggests that treatment with GH for POR patients could lead to a higher number of retrieved eggs.
- Third-party reproduction: In certain cases, fertility doctors may recommend alternative approaches such as the use of donor eggs or embryo adoption. These options can increase the chances of success.
What comes next after POR
Navigating a poor response to IVF can be challenging, and you’ll want to work closely with a fertility doctor who can evaluate the specific circumstances and develop an individualized treatment plan. The treatment approach may involve adjusting medication protocols, exploring alternative techniques, or considering options such as donor eggs.
While a poor response to IVF can be disheartening, it does not signify the end of the fertility journey. Advances in reproductive medicine continue to offer new possibilities and hope for those facing challenges in conceiving. With the right support, guidance, and perseverance, individuals and couples can explore alternative paths and find the best course of action to achieve their dream of building a family.
Get the emotional support you need
Dealing with a diagnosis of POR can be emotionally challenging. It is crucial to recognize the emotional impact and seek support from loved ones, support groups, or mental health professionals who specialize in fertility-related concerns. The journey to conception can be complex, and emotional well-being is an essential aspect of the process.
We are here to help you find the perfect egg donor
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing. We didn’t invent the concept of egg sharing, but we are the first to take it national (and even global!).
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
Egg Sharing: Will I Get Enough Eggs?
In this article, we’ll aim to answer that question by exploring the concept of egg sharing, discussing factors that contribute to egg yield, looking at the average number of embryos created, and share how Cofertility can help you realize your dream of growing your family.
Egg sharing programs have become an increasingly popular option for families pursuing donor egg IVF. But if you only get half of the eggs retrieved, will that be enough for a baby?
In this article, we’ll aim to answer that question by exploring the concept of egg sharing, discussing factors that contribute to egg yield, looking at the average number of embryos created, and share how Cofertility can help you realize your dream of growing your family.
What is egg sharing?
Egg sharing is a model where egg donors get to keep half of the eggs retrieved for her own future use, instead of cash compensation.
Why is cash compensation problematic? A 2021 Harvard study found that 62% of donor-conceived adults felt the exchange of money for donor gametes was wrong, and 41% were troubled by the fact that money was exchanged around their conception. By allowing our donors to freeze their eggs as part of the process, our unique model honors everyone involved.
At Cofertility, we exclusively work under the egg sharing model, which we call Split, because we think it’s better for everyone involved – the intended parents, the egg donor, and ultimately the donor-conceived child. Egg sharing empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
Read more in Six Reasons Why Egg Sharing is a Better Egg Donation Model for Intended Parents
Will I get enough eggs in an egg sharing model?
One common question from individuals considering egg sharing is whether they will receive an adequate number of eggs to achieve a successful outcome. A 2003 UK study of egg sharing amongst IVF patients found that participating in an egg sharing program did not compromise the chance of achieving a pregnancy or live birth for the egg sharer or the recipient.
There are several factors that can influence the number and quality of eggs retrieved, such as:
- Donor's ovarian reserve: Even more important than age in predicting egg retrieval outcomes is ovarian reserve, which refers to the quantity of eggs. A higher ovarian reserve indicates a larger pool of eggs available for retrieval and sharing. One way to determine ovarian reserve is an antral follicle count that is done by a doctor. Another biomarker for ovarian reserve is anti-müllerian hormone (AMH). At Cofertility, we only work with egg donors with an AMH over 2.0 ng/mL, to increase the chances of sufficient egg yield.
- Donor’s overall health: The overall health of the egg donor can play a significant role in the number of eggs available for sharing. Donors who maintain a healthy lifestyle, including being a non-smoker, have better reproductive health. Our donors go through rigorous screening to ensure and get medical approval to ensure they are a good egg donation candidate.
- Response to stimulation protocols: Fertility clinics use stimulation protocols involving hormonal medications to stimulate the ovaries and promote the development of multiple mature eggs. The response of the donor's ovaries to these medications can vary, affecting the number of eggs that can be retrieved for sharing.
- Hormone stimulation: Fertility medications, such as follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), are administered to the donor to stimulate the growth and maturation of multiple eggs within the ovaries. The dosage and duration of hormone stimulation are tailored to each individual to optimize the number of eggs produced. The exact drugs and dosages chosen will impact the outcome, as well as the donor’s adherence to the prescribed medications.
- Ovarian monitoring: Regular monitoring through ultrasounds and blood tests is essential during the stimulation phase. These monitoring sessions help fertility specialists track the growth and development of follicles (fluid-filled sacs containing eggs) and adjust medication dosages if needed. Close monitoring ensures the timely retrieval of mature eggs.
As you can see, many of these items are related to the egg retrieval cycle itself, where outcomes can be influenced by the quality and expertise of the clinic and fertility doctor. Learn more about finding a good IVF clinic.
At Cofertility, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. Some intended parents want to do two egg retrievals with the donor which is definitely possible. We also ask each of our donors whether they are open to a second cycle as part of the initial application — many report that they are!
How many embryos can I expect from an egg sharing round?
One 2015 study of 647 frozen donor eggs found that just three donor eggs would yield a little over one genetically normal embryo on average while nine donor eggs would be expected to yield three to four euploid embryos on average.
Keep in mind, these are just averages. Everyone’s experience is different and may be higher or lower than this.
Our Baby Guarantee
When you decide to build your family with donor eggs, you’re forced to contend with a lot of unknowns. You may be asking yourself questions like, “what if she doesn’t pass her screening,” or “what if the cycle doesn’t yield any healthy embryos?”
These concerns are compounded by the fact that any fertility treatment comes with a hefty price tag. We know that IVF and egg donation are huge expenses for families because we’ve been there. While we can’t promise perfection, we have devised the most parent-friendly guarantee on the market. We hope this brings you peace of mind and shows you how committed we are to helping you build your family.
Read more about our Baby Guarantee.
Cofertility - striving to be the best egg sharing program
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
My Husband Doesn’t Want to Use Donor Eggs - What Do I Do?
When a woman is diagnosed with infertility and told that donor eggs are required to have a baby, different fears can kick in. One of the fears includes not being supported by family or friends. But what happens when that non-support comes from your partner? And what if despite his not wanting to use donor eggs, you still do? What happens then?
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes… how does that song go again? Our world has so many cultural rules and norms in place that we forget that in reality everyone’s experiences, needs, and realities are very different. We say we are open and tolerant to difference yet, we let society dictate how we live, love, and feel. So when a woman is diagnosed with infertility and told that donor eggs are required to have a baby, instead of being grateful for the opportunity to be a parent, different fears can kick in. One of the fears includes not being supported by family or friends. But what happens when that non-support comes from your partner? And what if despite his not wanting to use donor eggs, you still do? What happens then?
Understanding your options: the pros and cons of using donor eggs
The positives are obvious: you get to be a parent. And for some, another positive can be that the husband's sperm can be used, thereby keeping some genetic connection. Negatives can include cost and finding the ‘right’ donor may take time. And in this scenario, conflicts with your partner about moving forward with donor eggs.
Read more: I'm Considering Using Donor Eggs. What are the Pros and Cons?
Communicating with your partner: how to have a productive conversation
When this topic first came up, you both most likely had your own private reactions. You both may have needed time to truly digest and process the situation. But sometimes, one partner moves through the process a lot quicker and immediately decides what to do while the other partner needs more time to figure things out.
So if you want to move forward with donor eggs and he doesn’t, what comes next? First, he needs the opportunity to spend time really digesting and processing this on his own terms. He needs to sit and put himself in both situations (using a donor vs. not using a donor) and being honest about how that would look and feel. Has he had time to talk to someone without you? Maybe a friend, the REI, or even a therapist? He needs to talk to someone about his biggest worries, his biggest concerns, and his biggest issues with using a donor and sometimes that person is not you.
You can’t force anyone to get on board just because that is something you really want. You also can’t let your feelings invalidate his feelings either. But what you can do is both get educated on the process, you can both speak with a therapist, you can both read the literature, and/or attend groups with other couples in your exact same situation. These are things that can help you make informed decisions, decisions that you can feel good about, even 20 years from now.
Can I pursue donor eggs without my husband knowing?
Surprisingly, this isn’t a joke. This question has been asked - a few times. If you have this thought, then you need to work with a couples therapist. Starting a family is a huge endeavor, regardless if you use a third party or not. It is a life changing event that triggers a lot of stress and can be very challenging. If you are not on the same page regarding donor eggs you need to find a therapist who specializes in fertility. This is important so you aren’t spending time explaining the details of infertility, they will already understand and be able to flush out the issues with you.
A fertility psychologist can help you explore different parenting options. Options such as adoption, fostering, or maybe even living child free. It gives you the opportunity to create a safe space for you both to voice your feelings but also a safe space to learn more about each other's feelings, needs and wants. It can open space for understanding and a deeper connection.
Coping strategies and how to manage your emotions during this time.
You can’t change the past and you can’t control the future. But you can learn how to be in the here and now by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness can help regulate emotions, decrease stress, anxiety and depression. Practice self-care by doing things you enjoy and being with people you love. Talk to someone. Find a therapist, a friend or join a group, don’t bottle it up.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, there is no wrong decision. Navigating the complex world of infertility and exploring options like using donor eggs is a journey filled with challenges and emotions, particularly if you and your partner are not on the same page. It is essential to maintain open, honest, and compassionate communication throughout the process, granting each other the space to process feelings and come to a decision at your own pace. This is not a decision to rush, and sometimes the assistance of a fertility specialist or therapist may be needed to guide you both through this journey.
Remember, your feelings are valid and it is okay to feel a multitude of emotions. You are not alone in this journey and there are many resources available to you – from literature on the subject to support groups for couples facing the same situation. Lastly, self-care is vital during this time. Practice mindfulness, enjoy activities that you love and surround yourself with supportive individuals. Most importantly, no matter the outcome, it can lead to a deeper understanding of each other and potentially a stronger connection as you face these decisions. Together as a couple, you need to make a decision that is right for you and your family.
Eggonomics: Seven Options for Paying for Donor Egg IVF
From financing programs and employer stipends to tax credits, Health Savings Accounts (HSA)/Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA), egg sharing, and grants, we provide a comprehensive analysis of these avenues to make donor eggs more financially attainable.
While donor egg IVF offers hope for individuals and couples facing infertility, as well as same-sex couples looking to have children, the significant cost associated with retrieving donor eggs can be a barrier to access for many patients. The increasing demand for donor eggs has highlighted the need to make it more accessible and affordable.
The good news is that there are ways to lessen the financial burden. This article explores various payment options and financial solutions that can help you navigate the financial challenges of pursuing donor eggs. From financing programs and employer stipends to tax credits, Health Savings Accounts (HSA)/Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA), egg sharing, and grants, we provide a comprehensive analysis of these avenues to make donor eggs more financially attainable.
1. Financing donor eggs
Some fertility clinics offer financing programs that allow you to pay for egg donation services over time, often with little to no interest. These programs can make the cost of egg donation more manageable by breaking it down into smaller, more affordable payments. However, it's essential to understand the terms and conditions of the financing program, including any fees or penalties that may apply.
If you’ve decided you want to go the loan route, you have many options to choose from. There are general lending companies as well as companies that specialize in loans just for fertility treatments.
If you’re pursuing egg donation and are interested in working with us to find your perfect match, we've partnered with Sunfish to offer you fertility financial resources and support throughout your journey. Sunfish offers the most comprehensive marketplace of financial options for IVF, egg freezing, embryo preservations, gestational surrogacy, egg donations, and more, up to $100,000 at industry-low rates.
Sunfish has also waived their application and membership fees for all intended parents who are working with Cofertility. To take advantage of Cofertility’s infertility loan partnership with Sunfish, click here.
2. Employer stipends and insurance coverage for donor eggs
Some employers recognize the significance of fertility treatments and offer comprehensive benefits that include coverage for donor eggs. Employer-sponsored fertility programs and stipends can significantly reduce the financial burden for individuals pursuing donor eggs. It is crucial for patients to review their insurance policies to determine the extent of coverage for fertility treatments. By understanding the benefits offered by their employers, individuals can maximize their financial resources for this reproductive option.
3. Tax credits and deductions for donor egg IVF
The tax landscape offers potential relief for individuals pursuing donor eggs. Several tax credits and deductions are available for qualifying medical expenses, including fertility treatments.
In order for donor egg IVF to be tax-deductible in the United States, it must be deemed medically necessary. This means that the procedure must be recommended by a healthcare provider and must be performed to treat a medical condition. For example, if a woman is unable to conceive naturally due to premature ovarian failure, then donor egg IVF may be deemed medically necessary. But if two men in a same-sex relationship need an egg donor to build their family, unfortunately the IRS does not view this as tax deductible.
Additionally, the expenses associated with donor egg IVF must be significant enough to meet the threshold for medical expense deductions. In the United States, this threshold is currently set at 7.5% of a person's adjusted gross income (AGI). This means that if your AGI is $50,000, you can only deduct medical expenses that exceed $3,750.
It's also worth noting that not all expenses associated with donor egg IVF are tax-deductible. It’s best to speak with a tax professional or financial advisor to determine your eligibility for tax-deductible donor egg IVF and to ensure that you are following all necessary procedures for claiming the deduction.
Read more in Is Egg Donation IVF Tax-Deductible?
4. Using health insurance for donor eggs
Across the country, 17 states (and counting!) have laws requiring insurance companies to cover or offer coverage for infertility diagnosis and treatment.
However, the specifics of these laws vary widely from state to state, and not all necessarily mandate coverage for procedures involving donor eggs. While most laws are vague without any mention of donor eggs, a few specifically require coverage of donor eggs. Let’s look at those:
Delaware
The DE law states that “in vitro fertilization, including IVF using donor eggs, sperm, or embryos and IVF where the embryo is transferred to a gestational carrier or surrogate must be covered”
Maine
The ME law states that health plans must cover fertility diagnostics and treatment, without “any limitations on coverage for any fertility services based on an enrollee's use of donor gametes”. However, any nonmedical costs for using donor eggs can be excluded from coverage.
Massachusetts
The MA law requires insurance plans to cover treatment of infertility including donor egg procurement.
New Hampshire
The NH law states that health plans must provide coverage for medically necessary fertility treatment, including “treatments associated with the procurement of donor eggs.”
New Jersey
NJ law requires health plans to provide coverage for four egg retrievals per lifetime, and
IVF using donor eggs.
Even if your state has infertility coverage laws in place, your specific health plan might not be required to comply, or may have specific qualifications (like being under age 40 or in a heterosexual partnership). Self-insured or self-funded insurance plans are exempt from state law and employers do not have to follow the state insurance laws. Some states also exempt employers under a certain size from having to provide coverage. The best way to find out is to talk to your health plan directly.
Read more in Does Health Insurance Cover Donor Eggs?
5. Using HSA/FSA accounts for donor eggs
HSA/FSA accounts present an opportunity to utilize pre-tax funds for fertility treatments, including the cost of donor eggs. Contributions made to these accounts can be used to cover eligible medical expenses. Patients should be aware of the eligibility criteria, contribution limits, and documentation requirements associated with HSA/FSA accounts to ensure compliance and maximize their use for donor eggs. It’s best to talk with a tax professional to understand which parts of donor egg IVF can be paid for using HSA/FSA.
6. Egg sharing programs
Egg sharing programs, like Cofertility, provide a more affordable and ethical egg donation experience. Instead of cash compensation, an egg donor gets to keep half of the eggs retrieved for her own future use.
One significant advantage of the egg sharing model is that donors have a personal stake in the outcomes. When donors contribute a portion of their eggs in exchange for their own IVF treatment down the line, they are invested not only in helping intended parents but also in achieving their own fertility goals. This shared interest leads to a greater sense of commitment and dedication from the donors, potentially resulting in higher-quality eggs and improved success rates.
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
Read more in Six Reasons Why Egg Sharing is a Better Egg Donation Model for Intended Parents
7. Grants and financial assistance programs
Grants and financial assistance programs specifically designed for fertility treatments can offer significant financial relief to individuals pursuing donor eggs. These programs provide funds to eligible patients based on various criteria such as financial need, medical conditions, or specific demographic considerations.
You can research and explore available grants and financial assistance programs, carefully review eligibility criteria, and complete the application process diligently to increase their chances of receiving financial support.
- Local grants: You may not have to look too far to find the money you need. Several IVF grants are limited to folks living in very specific geographic regions. At the Starfish Fertility Foundation, for example, one grant is awarded only to uninsured folks living within 50 miles of Nashville, TN. Others are offered through specific clinics.
- State grants: Time to cast your net a little wider? There are grants out there that cover entire states. In New York, for example, the state’s Department of Health funds grants that are open to residents across the Empire State (provided they use an approved clinic). Other grants come via non-profits that cover care in specific states, and sometimes, you don’t even need to actually be a resident of that state—just willing to travel there for treatment.
- National grants: These grants come from non-profits located throughout the country. The good news? You don’t have to travel far from home to find fertility help, as the funds can often be used at clinics across the US. The bad news? The competition for national grants is fierce. You’re no longer up against just the folks in your town or state. You’re competing against applicants from everywhere.
- LGBTQ+ grants: Our partners at GayParentsToBe maintain a list of LGBTQ+ friendly grants for family-building.
The financial cost of donor eggs should not be an insurmountable barrier for individuals and couples seeking fertility treatment. Continued efforts by healthcare providers, policymakers, and advocacy groups (like Resolve!) are necessary to promote equitable access to fertility care and support individuals in their journey toward building a family.
Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility
At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.
Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.
We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:
- Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
- Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
- Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
- Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
- Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.
We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!
How to Process the Grief of Not Having A Genetic Child
Being told you can’t have a genetic child can be heartbreaking. At the same time, knowing that there is still a possibility of growing your family with the help of a donor, can bring relief. Still, that grief needs to be honored and given space and time to heal.
Being told you can’t have a genetic child can be heartbreaking. At the same time, knowing that there is still a possibility of being a parent and caring for a child and growing your family with the help of a donor, can bring relief. Still, that grief needs to be honored and given space and time to heal before moving forward.
Stages of grief
Elisabeth Kubler Ross came up with five stages of grief that a person moves through when they suffer a loss. Researchers have found that these stages can be generalized to losses across the board - such as the grief of infertility. The stages aren’t linear and people may find themselves moving in and out of the different phases at different times. Some stages last longer than others and some stages can be skipped over.
Denial
It makes sense that after the initial diagnosis of infertility, a person might not believe it. Especially if they feel healthy, are ‘young’ by conventional standards or have never been sick. They can be quick to assume it is a mistake or can be quick to jump into another cycle of treatments because denial is at play. Denial is a method of self-protection as it can be painful to admit that your life plan may go in a completely different direction than you had ever imagined. One way to move on from this stage is to give yourself permission to feel the pain and sorrow and to dig deep to understand what this diagnosis means to you and what you think it means about you. Many times we have distorted beliefs about what something like this means about us.
Anger
Once you get that second, third, or fourth opinion… or once you can no longer endure the treatments, anger may erupt. Anger can come in many forms; anger at self, anger at partner, doctor, or even random pregnant strangers. Sometimes this anger drives away those who can actually help and provide that very important emotional support.
Bargaining
Anger is typically replaced by bargaining or what is sometimes called “magical thinking.” Meaning, a person in this stage might think that perhaps by dramatically changing their lifestyle, their doctor, their medical protocol, anything - with the hope that the changes will somehow have an impact and change the result of their diagnosis.
Depression
Hiding from the world, lethargy, hopelessness, and intense sorrow describe this stage. It is important to note if this mood lasts most of the day, nearly every day for two or more weeks with a diminished interest in activities along with:
- Significant weight loss, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
- Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness,
- Recurrent thoughts of death
Then it is time to speak to your doctor.
Acceptance
There comes a point during this time that your heart beat slows down, that pit in your stomach goes away and you feel as though you can breathe again. Whether you decide to adopt, use a donor or be child free, something inside finally says, “I am okay.” When this acceptance occurs, doors open, and options become available.
Acknowledge and accept your feelings
It is okay to not be okay. It's important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of loss, sadness, anger, or any other emotions you may be experiencing. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and understand that it's okay to grieve.
Seek support
You don't have to go through this alone. Seek support from family, friends, a therapist, or a support group. There are many online communities and support groups for people who are facing similar challenges.
Focus on self-care
Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Give your mind and body its best chance to heal by engaging in activities that bring you joy, practicing mindfulness, exercise, and eating healthy.
Find meaning and purpose
Focus on finding meaning and purpose in your life beyond having a genetic child. This can include volunteering, pursuing a career, or cultivating relationships with friends and family.
Explore other options
Although you may not be able to have a genetic child, there are other options available such as donor eggs. Sometimes processing means moving forward with Plan B.
Does it matter if my child is not genetically related to me?
We live in a world where adoption, step and foster families and blended families are the norm.
Research shows that in general, there are no differences in the bonds created between parents and children born naturally, through surrogacy or donation.
Does the pain of infertility ever go away?
It doesn’t ever completely go away but you learn how to manage it and not let it impact your daily life. You learn that grief is part of the human experience. Everyone at some point or another will go through some type of grief. But you will be okay.