egg donation

As families are built in different ways, it's essential to have age-appropriate books to help children understand the processes and the love that forms families. Below are children’s books that tackle infertility, egg donation, embryo donation, and surrogacy in ways that children can understand.

Best children’s books about infertility

"Wish" by Matthew Cordell

The book: Wish is about an elephant couple that embarks on a life together, with thoughts of children far away—at first. But as the desire for a child grows, so do unexpected challenges. And it's only after thwarted plans and bitter disappointment that their deepest wish miraculously comes true.

The author: Matthew Cordell is the acclaimed author and illustrator of the 2018 Caldecott winner Wolf in the Snow. He is also the author and illustrator of Trouble Gum and the illustrator of If the S in Moose Comes Loose, Toot Toot Zoom!, Mighty Casey, Righty and Lefty, and Toby and the Snowflakes, which was written by his wife.

Why we love it: Although this book does not specifically discuss egg donation, it beautifully illustrates the angst of waiting for a child, the fear that it may not happen, and the joy when the wish finally comes true. It will make any parent who struggled with infertility tear up!

"To the Moon and Back for You" by Emilia Bechrakis Serhant

The book: "To the Moon and Back for You" is a beautifully written and illustrated children's book that tells the story of a mother's journey through infertility, surrogacy, and the ultimate joy of becoming a parent.

The author: Emilia Bechrakis Serhant is a lawyer, philanthropist, and television personality, best known for her appearances on the Bravo reality television series "Million Dollar Listing New York." She wrote "To the Moon and Back for You" based on her own experiences with infertility and surrogacy, as a way to help other families who are going through similar struggles.

Why we love it: We love how "To the Moon and Back for You" offers a heartfelt and honest portrayal of the emotional journey that many families go through when facing infertility and surrogacy. The book's illustrations are gorgeous, and the message of love and perseverance is both uplifting and inspiring. It's a great resource for families who have gone through infertility and surrogacy or for those who want to teach their children about the many ways that families can be created.

I'm Very Ferris: A Child's Story about In Vitro Fertilization

The book: "I'm Very Ferris" is a heartwarming and informative children's book that follows the story of a little boy named Ferris who was conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF). It explores the journey of Ferris' parents as they went through the process of IVF and the joy they felt when they finally had their baby boy.

The author: Tess Kossow is a mom who went through the journey of IVF herself. She wrote "I'm Very Ferris" as a way to help families who are going through the same struggles, and to celebrate the love and joy that comes with building a family through IVF.

Why we love it: We love how "I'm Very Ferris" celebrates the beauty of IVF and the strength and resilience of families who go through infertility. The illustrations are bright and colorful, and the writing is heartfelt and relatable, making it a great read for both children and adults. The message of hope and perseverance is both uplifting and inspiring, and the book is a great resource for families who want to teach their children about the many ways that families can be created.

Miracle by Jason Pinter

The book: When rabbits Merle and Pearl meet on one beautiful day, they know that they have found true joy. Yet while they couldn’t be happier with each other, there’s one teeny, tiny thing missing...a child of their own. Merle and Pearl dream of expanding their nest by bringing a baby bunny into the world, but they face unforeseen challenges along the way. Determined to make their dreams come true, Merle and Pearl will do whatever it takes to find their Miracle—even if it means going deep under the sea, trekking across vast desert sands, or rocketing far out into the stars.

The author: Jason Pinter is the bestselling author of the Henry Parker series, which have over one million copies in print worldwide and have been published in over a dozen countries, as well as the Middle Grade adventure novel Zeke Bartholomew: SuperSpy. 

Why we love it: This book is a powerful testament to the power of unwavering love. This touching story is sure to resonate with many readers, making it a must-have and a must-read. After finishing this book, you'll find yourself holding your loved ones just a little tighter and cherishing each moment just a little more.

Best children’s books about egg donation

"A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life, an Egg Donor Story" by Carmen Martinez Jover

The book: "A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life" tells the story of a couple who are struggling to have a baby. They decide to use an egg donor, and the book explains the process in simple terms that children can understand. The book emphasizes the idea that even though the baby may not have the same genes as the parents, it will still be loved and cherished just as much.

The author: Carmen Martinez Jover is a clinical psychologist who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life." Jover is also the co-founder of a fertility clinic in Spain.

Why we love it: We love the colorful illustrations in this book, and the way it explains the egg donation process in a way that is easy for children to understand. The book emphasizes the importance of love and family, regardless of genetic relatedness, and it is a great resource for parents who are considering egg donation as a way to build their family.

"The Pea That Was Me: An Egg-Donation Story" by Kim Kluger-Bell

The book: "The Pea That Was Me" is a story about a couple who want to have a baby but cannot do so without the help of an egg donor. The book uses simple language and colorful illustrations to explain the egg donation process. It also emphasizes the importance of love and family, regardless of genetic relatedness.

The author: Kim Kluger-Bell is a clinical social worker who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "The Pea That Was Me." Kluger-Bell is also the co-founder of a support group for families who have used egg donation to conceive.

Why we love it: We love how this book explains the egg donation process in simple terms that children can understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the book emphasizes the idea that love is what makes a family, regardless of genetics. It is a great resource for parents who are considering egg donation as a way to build their family.

"You Were Meant For Me" by Sheri Sturniolo

The book: You Were Meant For Me: Mom*Dad*Donor shows how the love and generosity of others can grow into the most wonderful gift. This book is a kid-friendly look into the unique ways that some families are grown and the journey of love that brings them together.

The author: Sheri Sturniolo is a Pediatric Registered Nurse and mother to a son and daughter—both born through the awesome gift of donors. Through her personal journey and experiences, Sheri hopes to offer a valuable tool to families searching for ways to make sense of their unique creation story. Sheri lives with her husband, son and daughter (both conceived through embryo adoption) in the San Diego area.

Why we love it: Using symbolism and sweet rhyming lyrics, You Were Meant For Me introduces the complicated topic of being born from sperm, egg or embryo donation, to a young child. By giving children the “pieces of the puzzle,” this book sparks their imagination and stimulates them to ask questions.

"Happy Together: an egg donation story" by Julie Marie

The book: Happy Together, an egg donation story uses clear language and cheerful illustrations to join Mommy and Daddy bear on the journey to fulfill their greatest wish of becoming parents. With help from a doctor, an egg from a special lady called a donor and Daddy’s seed, a baby grew in Mommy’s tummy and was welcomed with great joy.

The author: As a mother through egg donation, author Julie Marie found various paths to parenthood were underrepresented in children's literature. Julie wrote Happy Together to help parents share their special family building story with their child.

Why we love it: This tender book is a favorite amongst donor-egg parents, and it’s no surprise. The story is simple enough for even young kids to understand, yet it explains the process of donor eggs well. 

“Daddy, What Is An Embryo?: A Tale of Egg Donation” by J.D. Quarles

The book: When Ruthie discovers frog eggs in their pond, her father finds the perfect moment to tell her the story of how she was conceived with the help of an egg donor, and how this amazing process helped bring her parents' dreams to life. 

The author: After having his daughter at 46 years old, using both a surrogate and egg donor, J.D. Quarles wrote books in an effort to help his daughter understand the amazing process that brought her into this world. While watching his daughter's comprehension of this process develop, he decided to publish the books to help others in similar situations.

Why we love it: We love how "Daddy, What Is An Embryo?" takes a complex medical process and explains it in a way that is easy for young children to understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the story emphasizes the idea that families come in all shapes and sizes. It's a great resource for families who have used or are considering using egg donation to conceive, as well as for families who want to teach their children about different ways of building a family.

Best children’s books about surrogacy

"The Very Kind Koala: A Surrogacy Story for Children" by Kimberly Kluger-Bell

The book: "The Very Kind Koala" tells the story of a kind koala who agrees to carry a baby for a couple who cannot do so on their own. The book explains the process of surrogacy in a way that is easy for children to understand. It emphasizes the idea that families come in all shapes and sizes and that what

The author: Kimberly Kluger-Bell is a clinical social worker who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "The Very Kind Koala." Kluger-Bell is also the co-founder of a support group for families who have used surrogacy to conceive.

Why we love it: We love the cute and colorful illustrations in this book, and the way it explains the surrogacy process in a way that is easy for children to understand. The book emphasizes the idea that love and family come in all shapes and sizes and that what matters most is the love that a family shares.

“The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children” by Sarah A. Phillips

The book: Oliver, a young kangaroo whose mother becomes a surrogate for the Bouncing-Hopalots and delivers their baby to them, narrates this heartwarming tale and shows what the gestational surrogacy process is all about from start to finish.

The author: Sarah A. Phillips is an author living in Illinois with her family and dog. She writes for children (and the young at heart) from picture books on up to young adult novels. Her first picture book, "The Kangaroo Pouch," was published in 2007 and due to its popularity worldwide, has gone on to be published in both French and Spanish.

Why we love it: The Kangaroo Pouch" is a beautifully written and illustrated book that celebrates the love and joy that comes with surrogacy. It's a great addition to any family's library and a must-read for anyone who wants to teach their children about surrogacy in a way that is compassionate and easy to understand.

"Sophia's Broken Crayons: A Story of Surrogacy from a Young Child's Perspective" by Crystal A. Falk

The book: "Sophia's Broken Crayons: A Story of Surrogacy from a Young Child's Perspective" tells a story of surrogacy from a young child’s perspective in a practical way that children can understand and grasp. A little girl by the name of Sophia is heartbroken after she discovers all of her crayons are broken. Sophia’s friend’s share their crayons with her as she experiences seeing her parents choose to give the gift of surrogacy to their friends. 

The author: Crystal A. Falk is an attorney and mother of two children, both of whom were born via surrogacy. She wrote "Sophia's Broken Crayons" to help children understand and normalize the surrogacy process.

Why we love it: We love how "Sophia's Broken Crayons" handles the topic of surrogacy in a gentle and accessible way. The story is relatable and easy to follow, making it a great conversation starter for families who are navigating the complexities of assisted reproduction. The book also includes a helpful Q&A section at the end, which answers common questions that children may have about surrogacy. Overall, "Sophia's Broken Crayons" is a beautiful book that celebrates the love and connection between families, regardless of how they come to be.

Best children’s books about embryo donation

"Hope & Will Have a Baby: The Gift of Embryo Donation" by Irene Celcer

The book: "Hope & Will Have a Baby" is a heartwarming story of a couple named Hope and Will who want to have a baby but are having trouble getting pregnant. The book explains the process of egg donation in simple, child-friendly terms, and emphasizes that all families are different and that love is what makes a family.

The author: Irene Celcer is a clinical psychologist who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "Hope & Will Have a Baby." Celcer is also the founder of a support group for families who have used egg donation to conceive.

Why we love it: We love how this book explains the concept of egg donation in a way that is easy for children to understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the book has a reassuring tone that emphasizes the importance of love and family. It is a great resource for parents who are considering egg donation as a way to build their family.

“Made With Love: The sweetest allegory for embryo donation and adoption” by Whitney Williams

The book: "Made with Love" is a beautiful and heartwarming allegory that explains the concept of embryo donation and adoption through the story of two cookie families as they go through the trials and tribulations of infertility on one side and the decision to donate extra embryos on the other. 

The author: Whitney Williams is a Christian wife and mother to three boys, the youngest two of whom she and her husband adopted as embryos. She works from home for WORLD Magazine. She graduated from Baylor University in 2008 with a bachelor's in journalism. 

Why we love it: We love how "Made with Love" presents the concept of embryo donation and adoption in a way that is easy for children to understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the story emphasizes the idea that families are built on love and the desire to care for one another. It's a great resource for families who have used or are considering using embryo donation or adoption to build their families, as well as for families who want to teach their children about different ways of building a family.

“Remy's Blueprints: A (Double) Donor Conception Story for Mom/Dad Families” by Sharon Leya 

The book: “Remy's Blueprints” is about an adorable kid named Remy who adores her Mommy and Daddy who are architects. It follows her adventure as she discovers how she was brought into the world. 

The author: Sharon Leya is the author of the My Donor Story series, a series of children's books that lovingly explains donor conception, and uses simple language to illustrate the basic concepts of genetics. 

Why we love it: Sharon Leya's book gently and lyrically explains the complex concepts of donor conception, genetics, and pregnancy in a way that helps children appreciate and love their unique origins. Through metaphors and a message of love, Leya guides young readers through a journey of understanding their conception and family building, offering a valuable resource for families who have used donor conception or for those who want to teach their children about different ways of building a family. Overall, Leya's book is a touching and informative read that helps children embrace the beauty of their own unique story.

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

‍Create a free account today!

When it comes to the development of a child, the age-old debate of nature vs. nurture comes into play. While genetics (nature) play a significant role in a child's development, environmental factors and upbringing (nurture) also have a significant impact. This debate can be particularly relevant for intended parents via egg donation who may have questions about what traits their child may inherit from the egg donor and how environmental factors may affect their child's development. In this article, we'll explore the science behind nature vs. nurture and what parents via egg donation need to know.

The science behind nature vs. nurture

The debate of nature vs. nurture has been ongoing for centuries. Nature refers to the genetic makeup of an individual, including physical characteristics, personality traits, and behaviors. Nurture, on the other hand, refers to the environmental factors that can influence a person's development, such as upbringing, education, and life experiences.

Both nature and nurture play a role in a child's development. In fact, many experts now believe that it's not a matter of nature vs. nurture, but rather how the two interact and influence each other. For example, a child may have a genetic predisposition to a certain trait or behavior, but whether or not that trait is expressed can depend on environmental factors.

What parents via egg donation need to know

For parents via egg donation, it's important to understand that while genetics do play a role in a child's development, the environmental factors that a child is exposed to can also have a significant impact. Here are some key things to keep in mind:

• Genetics: While a child conceived through egg donation will not share genetic material with one or both parents, they will still inherit genetic traits from the egg donor. It's important for parents to understand the genetic history of the egg donor and any potential health risks or conditions that may be passed on. If you work with Cofertility, we require all donors to undergo genetic testing. 
• Epigenetics: Environmental factors in the womb and early childhood can influence how genes are expressed. This is known as epigenetics, and it can play a significant role in a child's development. For example, a child may inherit a genetic predisposition to a certain condition, but whether or not that condition is expressed can depend on environmental factors. 
• Upbringing and environment: Environmental factors such as upbringing, education, and life experiences can have a significant impact on a child's development. Parents via egg donation should take an active role in creating a supportive and nurturing environment for their child. This can include things like providing a stable home environment, engaging in regular family activities, and providing opportunities for education and socialization.
• Communication: It's important for parents to communicate openly and honestly with their child about their origins. Children conceived through egg donation may have questions about their genetic background and it's important for parents to be prepared to answer these questions in an age-appropriate way.

The importance of nurture

The parents who raise, love, support, and care for a child play a crucial role in shaping who they become as adults. Whether biological or non-biological, both parents' contributions are invaluable. For non-biological parents, feeling confident and secure in their parental role is especially important to effectively support their donor conceived child. This includes being available to address any challenges their child may face and honoring their curiosity about an unknown genetic family. By walking beside their child, non-biological parents can help foster a strong sense of identity and belonging in their child, regardless of genetic connections.

Is the baby biologically yours if you use an egg donor?

If you use an egg donor, the baby will not be biologically related to you, as the genetic material comes from the donor. However, you may be able to still carry and deliver the baby. And certainly they will be your child! The impact you will have by caring for this child and loving this child will shape who they become. 

One study found that children in egg donation families rated their relationships with their mothers as higher in warmth and enjoyment than did children in IVF families. The authors concluded “It is possible that having waited so long to have their children, egg donation mothers are especially committed to parenthood when their children do arrive”.

What we can learn from adoption

Our learnings about nature vs nurture in adoption can teach us a great deal about egg donation. In adoption, we see that genetics are only one piece of the puzzle in shaping a child's life, as environment and upbringing play a significant role as well. Similarly, in egg donation, genetics from the donor play a role in the child's biological makeup, but the environment in which they are raised and the relationships they form also significantly impact their development.

Similarly, the experience of being donor-conceived can be compared to that of being adopted in terms of identity formation. Donor-conceived children may have questions and curiosity about their genetic heritage and biological roots. In adoption, we have learned that open communication about a child's origins and creating a supportive and accepting environment for their identity formation is crucial to their emotional well-being. The same is true for egg donation: it’s important to be open and honest with your child about their origin story. 

Overall, the learnings from adoption reinforce the importance of a supportive and loving environment for children, regardless of genetic connections. In egg donation, it is essential to prioritize communication, openness, and honesty in discussing the child's origins and supporting their identity formation.

Bottom line

While the debate of nature vs. nurture may never be fully resolved, it's clear that both genetics and environmental factors play a significant role in a child's development. For parents via egg donation, it's important to understand the genetic and environmental factors that can impact their child's development and to take an active role in creating a nurturing and supportive environment for their child. By doing so, parents can help promote healthy gene expression and ensure that their child has the best possible chance for a happy and healthy life.

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More resources:

• Will My Baby Look Like Me If I Use an Egg Donor?
• Will a Donor Conceived Child Have My DNA?
• We Asked Four Donor Conceived People About Their Life, Here's What They Said

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

Donor egg IVF has become an increasingly common option for those who face obstacles in their journey to conceive. LGBTQ+ families, those who experience fertility challenges, and individuals with genetic disorders are among the many who benefit from using donor eggs. 

We spoke to five parents who used donor eggs to conceive their children, and asked them what they wished they had known before starting the journey. Here’s what they had to say. 

"I wish I knew that genetic connection doesn't define love"

The realization that genetic connection does not define the love between parent and child (or any two relatives for that matter!) is a significant one that many parents through egg donation come to embrace. While it can be a difficult concept to grapple with initially, the love and bond that develops between parent and child is not contingent upon shared DNA. The experience of raising a child through donor eggs can be just as fulfilling and meaningful as any other parenting journey, and the love between parent and child can be just as strong and deep.

Tiffany and James* struggled with infertility for years before turning to donor eggs. Tiffany admits that she initially worried about the lack of genetic connection with her child, but quickly realized that it didn't matter. "The moment I held my son in my arms, I knew that genetics didn't define the love I have for him," she says. "He's my child, no matter how he was conceived."

"I wish I knew that it's okay to grieve the loss of genetic connection”

For the Smith family, the decision to use donor eggs came after years of failed fertility treatments. While they’re overjoyed to have her twin daughters, Sarah says she wishes she had allowed herself more time to grieve the loss of genetic connection. "I was so excited to just move forward and finally have a baby, I didn’t give myself time to grieve," she says. “It wasn’t until years later when I finally started seeing a therapist that I realized I had underlying insecurities and grief that I needed to process.” 

“I wish I knew that everyone comments on your child’s features, whether your child is genetically related to you or not"

Rachel and her husband now have two children - one biological and one donor-conceived. Rachel shares that one of the most surprising things she's encountered is how people always try to ask where certain traits come from. "It doesn't matter if your child is genetically related to you or not - people are always trying to find similarities," she says. "I never realized it until I had a donor-conceived child, but people are constantly asking where certain traits come from, from height to personality to hair color" Rachel advises other parents to embrace the unique traits and qualities of each child and not worry too much about what others think. "At the end of the day, every child is a miracle and a blessing," she says.

"I wish I knew there is absolutely no shame in using donor eggs"

"I wish I knew there is absolutely no shame in using donor eggs," says Liz, a mother of two donor-conceived children. Liz went through several rounds of IVF before deciding to use donor eggs. "At first, we felt like we were going too far to have a child," she says. "But once we made the decision to use donor eggs, we realized that there was no shame in doing what was best for our family." Liz urges other parents considering donor eggs to remember that their decision is a personal one, and that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to fertility struggles. "There is no right or wrong way to start a family, as long as there is love and commitment," she adds.

"I wish I knew that it's important to talk about the process with your child"

For Rohan and his husband, using donor eggs to conceive their daughter was a no-brainer. However, as their daughter got older, they realized the importance of talking openly and honestly about the process with her. "We didn't want her to find out later and feel like we had kept something from her," Rohan says. "So we started talking about it early on and she's grown up knowing that she was conceived with help from a donor."

Using donor eggs to conceive can be a complicated and emotional process, but these parents have all found their own unique ways of navigating it. Whether it's acknowledging the loss of genetic connection or celebrating the love and connection they have with their child, each of them has a story to tell about their journey to parenthood. And their stories offer a reminder that there's no one "right" way to build a family.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

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*Names have been changed.

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In vitro fertilization (IVF) using donated eggs, or donor egg IVF, has revolutionized the way people approach family building. For many individuals and couples, it offers an opportunity for one parent to have a biological connection where it may not have been possible otherwise. 

We spoke to several parents who conceived their children via donor eggs to learn more about their experiences and what they want others to know.

The decision to use donor eggs

For most parents who conceived via an egg donor, the decision to use this approach comes after much reflection and research. Many report trying other methods, including fertility treatments, before turning to donor egg IVF.

While the process of using donor eggs can be daunting, many parents report feeling a sense of relief once they made the decision. "It was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders," says Megan*, a mother of two via donor eggs. "We had been trying for years with no success, and once we made the decision to use donor eggs, it was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. We finally had a plan in place."

The emotional rollercoaster of donor egg IVF

For parents who use donor eggs, the emotional journey of IVF can be intense. There can be a range of feelings involved, including grief, loss, guilt, and anxiety. This is especially true for those who experience a failed cycle or miscarriage.

"I wish I had known just how emotional it was going to be," says Sarah, a mother via donor eggs. "I went into it thinking it was just a medical procedure, but it's so much more than that. You're creating a life, and it's emotional and intense. It's important to have a support system in place."

Genetic connection: the pros and cons

One of the most significant considerations for parents who use donor eggs is the lack of genetic connection between the parent and child. While some parents report feeling a sense of loss or grief around this fact, others find that it is not a significant issue.

"I was worried about the genetic connection at first," says Chase, a father of two via donor eggs. "But now that they're here, it's not something that I think about very often. They're our children, and that's what matters."

Another consideration is how to approach the topic of donor eggs with the child. Many parents choose to be open and honest about their child's conception, while others wait until the child is older to broach the subject.

"There's no right or wrong way to approach it," says Lisa, a mother of one via donor eggs. "But the important thing is that you approach it."

Navigating societal stigmas

Despite the increasing prevalence of donor egg IVF, there can still be societal stigmas and misconceptions surrounding the procedure. Some parents report feeling judged or misunderstood by others, including family members.

"I wish people understood that it's not something we did lightly," says Jennifer, a mother of one via donor eggs. "It was a difficult decision, and it's not something we take lightly. We wanted to have a family, and donor eggs gave us that opportunity."

Moving forward: advice for other parents

For parents who are considering using donor eggs, the advice from those who have gone through the process is invaluable. Here are some tips and recommendations to keep in mind:

• Seek support: Whether it's from a therapist, support group, or loved ones, having a support system in place can be incredibly helpful.
• Educate yourself: Do your research and learn as much as you can about the process and what to expect.
• Be open and honest: Whether it's with your partner, family, or child, being open and honest about your journey can help foster a sense of understanding and acceptance.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help: IVF can be expensive and overwhelming, but there are resources available to help offset costs and provide guidance.

In the end, the decision to use donor eggs is a personal one that requires careful consideration and reflection. However, for those who embark on this journey, the rewards can be immeasurable.

As Kamala, a mother of twins via donor eggs, says, "I wouldn't change a thing. Our children are our world, and we're so grateful for the opportunity to have them in our lives. They are ours."

*Names have been changed

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

The path to parenthood can take many roads. There is no single “right way” to become a parent, so you may be debating which path is the right one for you. Two options include egg donation or adoption. 

If you’re asking yourself “should I adopt or find a donor?” then this article is for you. Here, we’ll explore the pros and cons of egg donation, adoption, and embryo donation to help you make the best decision for your family.

What Is egg donation?

The first child born from egg donation was reported in Australia in 1983 and the first American child born from egg donation was in February 1984. Before this medical intervention, for most, adoption was the only path to parenthood. Egg donation opened the door for more people to become parents. 

Egg donation is ideal for those who:

• Have experienced infertility
• Have high risks of passing on genetic disorders to their offspring
• Have diminished ovarian reserve or early menopause.
• Have had multiple unsuccessful IVF cycles
• Are single 
• Are in a same-sex relationship

Pros of using donor eggs

✅ High success rates – donor egg IVF offers higher pregnancy success rates than using one’s own eggs.
✅ Biological connection – the child may share a genetic link with one parent.
✅ Experience pregnancy – if you plan to carry the pregnancy, you can still go through pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing.
✅ Biological siblings – if you already have children, donor eggs can allow for genetic siblings.

Cons of using donor eggs

❌ Emotional considerations – Some may grieve the loss of a genetic link to the mother.
❌ Finding the right donor – The process of selecting an egg donor can take time.
❌ Financial costs – though with our Family by Co platform, we’ve removed cash compensation for donors from the equation. Instead, our donors freeze their eggs entirely for free when giving half of the eggs retrieved to your family.
❌ No guarantees – While donor eggs have higher success rates, there’s no guarantee an embryo will be created or result in pregnancy.

What is adoption?

Adoption is the legal process through which a person assumes the parenting responsibilities for someone else's biological child. The concept of adoption exists across cultures and countries and may be traced all the way back to 6th century AD Roman Law. During this time, if the family patriarch did not have a male heir, an heir could be adopted. This was important for the Romans because by adopting one another’s sons, the nobility ensured the wealth would stay within a few families. 

In the United States, the first modern adoption legislation, the Adoption of Children Act, was passed in Massachusetts in 1851. This act required judges to determine that adoptive parents had “sufficient ability to bring up the child” and that “it is fit and proper that such adoption should take effect.” 

Today there are different types of adoption, including:

• Domestic adoption – Adopting a child within your own country.
• International adoption – Adopting a child from another country.
• Open or semi-open adoption – The birth parent may have ongoing contact with the child.

Pros of adoption

✅ Providing a loving home – Adoption gives a child a stable and supportive family.

✅ Proven success – Studies have shown that adoptive children are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol and more likely to graduate from high school and go on to college than those who remain in foster care. They are also more likely to have successful careers and strong relationships.

✅ Peace of mind for birth parents – Birth parents often feel reassured that their child is in a loving, caring home.

Cons of adoption

❌ Time-consuming process – Adoption can take 9–12 months or longer.
❌ Cost – Domestic infant adoptions can range from $40,000 to $70,000+.
❌ Birth parent rights – In some cases, birth parents may change their minds during pregnancy or up to 30 days after adoption.
❌ Ongoing birth parent involvement – Since most adoptions are open, there is a chance that the birth parent may want to be a part of the child’s life, and that may be difficult for some adopting parents.
❌ Not always inclusive – Different states have different laws on who can become an adoptive parent based on age, sexual orientation and even religious affiliation.

What is embryo donation?

Embryo donation is an option for individuals and couples who have not been successful with traditional infertility treatments. In this process, frozen embryos donated by others are transferred to the recipient’s uterus, offering an alternative to egg and sperm donation.

Pros of embryo donation

✅ Shorter wait times – Embryos are already created and available.
✅ Lower costs – Typically less expensive than egg donation and adoption.
✅ Experience pregnancy – You can still carry the pregnancy, give birth, and nurse your baby.

Cons of embryo donation

❌ Limited genetic history – Embryo donation is technically an adoption. You may not have access to the full medical history of the embryo’s biological parents.
❌ Matching delays – Although embryos are readily available, it can still take time to find the right match.
❌ No guarantee of success – As with any fertility treatment, pregnancy is not guaranteed.

Which one is right for me?

The decision to use medical intervention to conceive a child or to go through an adoption agency to start a family is an extremely personal one. As you can see above, all paths come with their own set of unique challenges. 

The best thing you can do is become educated in all your options. Get second and third expert opinions. Seek out legal counsel and ask questions.

When considering your options, think about:

• Genetic connection – If having a biological child is important to you, egg donation or embryo donation may be the right path.
• Pregnancy experience – If you want to carry a pregnancy, egg donation or embryo donation allows for that experience.
• Time and cost – Adoption can take longer and cost significantly more, while egg donation and embryo donation have higher success rates.
• Ethical and emotional considerations – Both processes come with their own set of emotional challenges, so it’s essential to be well-informed.

No matter what path you choose, you are not alone. Many families have navigated this journey before you—and each one has found the path that was meant for them.

Religion can be a great source of comfort and solace during the most difficult of times. Religion has been implicated in reduced mortality, expedited recovery from illness, and improved mental health. It can encourage healthy lifestyles, provide social support, and provide meaning to life. But it can also impact help seeking behavior, especially when it comes to fertility treatment. Religiosity has been associated with greater concerns about infertility treatment, which, in turn, decreases the likelihood of help seeking (i.e IVF, egg donation etc).

Religion and assisted reproductive technology (ART)

The use of donor gametes to create embryos can ignite some serious debate in many faith circles. Some faiths say fertility treatments go against their beliefs and should not be used, even if it means someone will never become a parent otherwise. Meanwhile, other religions have no issues with it at all, as long as certain “rules” are followed. 

A Pew Research study conducted in 2013 asked people living in the United States about the moral acceptability of using in-vitro fertilization to have a family. One-third said it is morally acceptable, 12% said it was morally wrong, and 46% said it was not even a moral issue. The survey found modest differences in opinion among social and demographic groups, including religious groups, about the moral acceptability of IVF. 

But for many religious people their religious beliefs strongly inform their understanding of fertility and parenthood. Procreation can be an important tenet of a religion along with prescribed roles for the male and female partner when it comes to parenthood. So what if you want a family and the only way that family can be created is through egg donation? And what if you are someone who holds strongly to their faith - a faith that carried you through troubled times - only to discover that very faith does not give you its blessing to have the family you have prayed for? 

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What if you are someone who holds strongly to their faith - a faith that carried you through troubled times - only to discover that very faith does not give you its blessing to have the family you have prayed for?

How do I navigate making a decision?

You want to adhere to the teachings of your religion and at the same time you also have a very strong desire to have a child.  What should you consider when deciding how you want to proceed so you can feel good about your decision? How can you find a way to remain connected to your beliefs even if your choice is different from what is taught by your religion?

Give yourself permission to imagine different options

Play your life tape forward and really imagine how it feels to go against your beliefs in order to achieve pregnancy. Now imagine how it feels to stay strong in your beliefs and never be a parent. Discuss these options with your partner. Write them down in a journal and come back to them in a few weeks. Does one evoke a bigger emotion? Does one feel better than the other? There is no right or wrong and there is no judgment - you are allowed to imagine and really think through your different options. 

Speak to trusted members of your community.

Speak to respected and trusted members of your faith community. Ask questions to fully understand what your religion’s expectations are regarding parenthood and regarding ART and IVF and donor eggs. What are your expectations? Do they match or are they very different? 

If they are different, would you ever make a decision to pursue donor egg IVF that isn’t sanctioned by your religious teachings? If yes, how would your community support you? Would you be ostracized? What does it mean to be against these teachings?  If you would never go against the teachings, then how can your religion provide guidelines about living child free? Would you be able to find peace regarding infertility from your religious teachings? Studies have shown that infertile women with higher levels of spiritual well-being reported fewer depressive symptoms and less overall distress from their infertility experience because of the support from their religious community.  

Summing it up

Faith can be an essential aspect of a person’s life. Sometimes it is possible that not all  tenants align. But that does not necessarily mean that you forsake your faith, nor does that necessarily mean you give up your desire for a family. It may mean digging even further and leaning even stronger into your faith.  It may mean exploring all your different options by researching, talking, asking questions, and praying. All of these things can open doors and create alternative paths to parenthood that you may not have ever considered.

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