egg sharing

Donating your eggs is an extraordinarily generous act. As an egg donor, you have the potential to help a family struggling with infertility or a same-sex couple realize their dreams of parenthood. But the decision to donate eggs is not one to be taken lightly, and it's natural to want the support and understanding of your family as you embark on this journey.

If your family is unfamiliar with the egg donation process, they may have numerous questions and concerns. Some of the most common questions revolve around the medical risks involved, potential contact with the intended parents (IPs), and the timeline of the whole process. Here's a guide to help you address these concerns.

Should I tell my family I’m an egg donor? 

While there is no right answer, one thing is for certain, your decision to donate is yours and yours alone, and so is your decision to tell them… or not. This means you are the one who can best make this decision.

So when thinking through this decision, it is helpful to think about the relationships you have and what you feel comfortable telling those close to you. How supportive will they be about your decision? Do you feel afraid they might criticize you or not understand why you would want to do this, or try and talk you out of it? What is your fear or concern about telling, and how do you think this information will impact your relationships?

Read more in Should I Tell People I'm Donating My Eggs?

Common questions family members may have

What is the medical risk?

Egg freezing is considered a safe procedure. In a single egg freezing cycle, the risk of a serious adverse event is under 2.5%. Severe OHSS accounts for the majority of complications, occuring in 0.1-2% of cycles. The risk of other acute complications, including pelvic infection, intraperitoneal hemorrhage, or ovarian torsion, is small (<0.5%). That being said, many women do experience minor side effects – like bloating, constipation, nausea – from the medications and egg retrieval.  Side effects are typically mild and short-lived.

Egg donation requires a series of hormone injections to stimulate the ovaries into producing multiple eggs during a single cycle. You can assure your family that these medications are prescribed under the careful supervision of a fertility doctor.

The egg retrieval process itself is a minor surgical procedure done under sedation, so you won't feel anything during the procedure. Post-procedure discomfort is typically minimal and can be managed with over-the-counter pain relievers. 

You can remind your family that all steps of this process are carefully monitored by experienced fertility doctors who prioritize your health and safety above all.

Will egg donation impact your ability to have kids in the future? 

Egg donation, which is the same medical procedure as egg freezing, won’t lower your egg reserve and it won’t affect your chances of getting pregnant naturally when you’re ready to do so. In fact, participating in our Split program – where you freeze your eggs for free when donating half to another family – can actually increase your chances of having a baby down the line because you are preserving younger eggs. 

Who are the parents that need donor eggs?

Many types of families need egg donors to grow their family, including people facing infertility, LGBTQ+ couples, cancer survivors, women with age-related fertility decline, and more. 

Sharing more about the family you are matched with can help humanize the experience.

What will your relationship be like with the intended parents?

The level of contact with the intended parents is highly dependent on the agreement you reach beforehand. Some arrangements are undisclosed, with no information exchanged between you and the IPs. Other arrangements are disclosed, allowing varying degrees of communication and contact, such as the exchange of letters or even face-to-face meetings.

Your choice about the type of relationship you wish to have with the IPs is up to you, and you should assure your family that you will make the choice that feels right.

What are the legal implications?

Understanding the legal rights and obligations associated with egg donation is important. You can let your family know that before the egg donation process begins, you will sign a legal contract that outlines the rights and obligations of all parties involved. This includes an agreement to relinquish all parental rights to any children born from the donated eggs. 

All donors are given independent legal representation – at  no expense – to explain the contract and ensure all your interests are protected. 

How does Cofertility work?

Cofertility’s Split program offers women a chance to both freeze their own eggs and donate half the eggs to a family who cannot conceive otherwise. Every expense associated with the egg freezing procedure —  medications, supplements, travel if necessary, insurance, and 10 years of storage — are completely free of charge. 

Cofertility assigns a Member Advocate to each donor to support her throughout the entire journey. They’ll be there every step of the way as appointments get scheduled and plans for the cycle are made. No question is too small for Cofertility’s Member Advocate team. Plus, Split members have support of our entire community of others going through the same process.

How many babies are born via egg donation each year?

The exact number of babies born via egg donation each year can be difficult to determine due to variations in reporting standards worldwide. However, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 12% of all in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedures in the United States involve the use of donor eggs. This suggests that thousands of babies are born each year thanks to egg donation.

How much time will it take?

Egg donation isn't a quick process, but the timeline can vary depending on several factors, including your menstrual cycle and the matching process with intended parents. The process begins with an application, followed by a screening process, which can take several weeks. 

Once approved and matched with the IPs, you'll start the ovarian stimulation process, which takes about two weeks. This involves daily hormone injections to stimulate the ovaries. The egg retrieval procedure is scheduled once the eggs are mature, typically after 10-14 days of stimulation. Following the retrieval, you will have a brief recovery period, usually a day or two, to allow any minor discomfort or side effects to dissipate. You will know immediately how many eggs were retrieved and frozen for your own future use. 

In total, from match to recovery, the process can take anywhere from two to four months.

Final thoughts

Your family's concerns and questions about your decision to become an egg donor are understandable. They want to ensure your safety and wellbeing, and these are valid concerns. 

As you discuss the process, remind them of your reasons for making this choice and assure them of your commitment to understanding and minimizing the risks involved. Encourage them to accompany you to a medical consultation if possible, to provide them an opportunity to hear information directly from professionals, and to ask any questions they may have.

Your act of egg donation could bring immense joy to a couple longing for a child. It's a profound decision, and having your family's understanding and support will undoubtedly make the journey smoother.

If you are part of Cofertility’s Split Program, or even donating your eggs elsewhere, this is a helpful guide to share with your partner.

At Cofertility, we are on a mission to support individuals and families across different phases of the fertility journey. Our work transcends the boundaries of traditional fertility care, forging connections that breathe life into the dreams of thousands of families, both today and the future. 

Through our unique Split Program, we've had the privilege of working with many egg freezers and donors, and know the experience varies widely. We've witnessed joy, apprehension, hope, and triumph, and we've come to recognize that the process of egg sharing is multifaceted and profound. Our journey with these remarkable individuals has not only exposed us to the wide spectrum of emotions and decisions, but has also underscored the indispensable role of a robust support system throughout the journey. 

Becoming an egg donor presents a multitude of emotional, physical, and ethical considerations. How, then, can friends, family, or significant others support a Split member during this journey? 

In the following guide, we hope to share the insights we've gathered, offering a pathway for those seeking to support a loved one through this journey.

Understand the process

It’s helpful for you to understand the logistical and medical process your partner or loved one is going through. Here are a few guides to get up to speed:

• What's the Egg Retrieval Process Like?
• Everything You Need To Know About Egg Freezing Medication
• The Ultimate Guide to the Split Program
• Disclosed vs. Undisclosed Egg Donation: How Should I Choose?
• What are the Side Effects and Risks of Egg Freezing?

Offer assistance

The Split members' journey with egg freezing will require numerous medical appointments for ultrasounds and bloodwork. Your presence at these appointments can provide a reassuring sense of companionship. 

But the most important task is being their reliable ride home from the egg retrieval procedure (in fact, it’s required that they do not drive after this procedure). This might be a clinic near home or you may be asked to travel with your partner to a clinic near the intended parents (if this is the case, travel expenses for both of you will be covered).

Once they get home, ensuring they have the things they need to be comfortable—whether it's a favorite blanket, soothing tea, or just your comforting presence—can make a significant difference in their experience. These thoughtful actions underscore the human connection at the heart of this medical process, turning what could be a solitary journey into a shared experience of empathy and care.

Egg freezing is considered a safe procedure, and complications are rare. But you should know the red flags. If you notice any of the symptoms below, report them to the healthcare provider asap:

• Temperature above 101 F
• Severe abdominal pain or swelling
• Severe nausea or vomiting that doesn’t go away
• Heavy vaginal bleeding (soaking through a pad in an hour; some light bleeding is normal)
• Difficulty urinating, or painful urination
• Fainting or dizziness

Help with the shots

The first step in the egg freezing process is to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple eggs to be retrieved. This is done with the use of fertility medication, administered in the form of injectable hormones over 10-12 days. 

Helping your loved one with these required injections is huge. This is not a task for everyone, and it's completely understandable if it falls outside your comfort zone. If you do have the capacity and willingness to assist with administering the shots, your help would undoubtedly be appreciated. 

However, even if you prefer not to take a hands-on role, your presence while they give themselves the shot can still make a meaningful difference. 

Simply keeping them company, offering words of encouragement, or offering a little treat (chocolate?) or surprise after each shot can transform an intimidating necessity into a shared moment of support and connection. 

Respect the decision

Friends, family, and partners should respect the donor's autonomy in this deeply personal decision. Recognize that this choice belongs solely to the person making it, and it may reflect a multitude of considerations, both practical and emotional.

Respecting this decision requires acknowledging your partner's autonomy and avoiding any attempts to influence or question her choice. Supporting her means listening without judgment, asking thoughtful questions to understand her perspective, and reassuring her of your support.

Research shows that egg donors are generally happy with their decision and the vast majority do not regret it (in one study of an egg sharing program, only 2.1% regretted their decision to participate). And anecdotally speaking, donors we work with at Cofertility are grateful for the opportunity to donate their eggs and keep half of the eggs retrieved for their own future use, for free. 

Concerns and curiosity are natural, but they must be handled with delicacy and empathy. Being there for her doesn't mean agreeing with her on every point but rather offering a safe space where she can express her feelings and thoughts freely.

Empirical studies on autonomy and healthcare decisions reinforce the importance of respecting individual choices, particularly those concerning one's body and reproductive rights. In the context of egg donation, this principle becomes paramount, reflecting the ethical, emotional, and personal dimensions of the choice at hand.

Celebrate the achievement

Egg freezing and donation can be an expression of personal values, a decision that encapsulates a woman's beliefs, or simply an achievement that deserves acknowledgment and celebration.

Celebrating this achievement can take many forms, from simple words of congratulations and admiration to more elaborate expressions of support. It might mean throwing a small celebration, writing a heartfelt letter, or finding another personal way to convey pride and gratitude.

Celebration does not necessarily mean a public declaration but rather an authentic and personal acknowledgment of the strength, courage, and compassion embodied in the decision itself. The act of recognizing and honoring this choice can create a shared moment of joy and connection, strengthening the bonds between the donor and those closest to her.

In summary

Through our work with hundreds of donors, we've learned that the path is never solitary, nor should it be. The role of friends, family, partners, and significant others in this process cannot be overstated.

From understanding the technical aspects of the process to being a comforting presence during medical appointments, offering assistance with injections, respecting personal choices, and celebrating the decision, the support system surrounding a donor becomes an integral part of the experience. These connections not only ease the logistical and emotional challenges but transform the process into a shared journey that's imbued with empathy, respect, and love.

Our commitment to supporting individuals and families remains unwavering. By fostering a robust network of support and sharing our insights, we hope to make the journey not only more approachable but also more meaningful. The dreams of creating and nurturing life are collective ones, and we at Cofertility are honored to be part of these intimate and extraordinary stories.