egg donation

Donor egg IVF has become an increasingly common option for those who face obstacles in their journey to conceive. LGBTQ+ families, those who experience fertility challenges, and individuals with genetic disorders are among the many who benefit from using donor eggs. 

We spoke to five parents who used donor eggs to conceive their children, and asked them what they wished they had known before starting the journey. Here’s what they had to say. 

"I wish I knew that genetic connection doesn't define love"

The realization that genetic connection does not define the love between parent and child (or any two relatives for that matter!) is a significant one that many parents through egg donation come to embrace. While it can be a difficult concept to grapple with initially, the love and bond that develops between parent and child is not contingent upon shared DNA. The experience of raising a child through donor eggs can be just as fulfilling and meaningful as any other parenting journey, and the love between parent and child can be just as strong and deep.

Tiffany and James* struggled with infertility for years before turning to donor eggs. Tiffany admits that she initially worried about the lack of genetic connection with her child, but quickly realized that it didn't matter. "The moment I held my son in my arms, I knew that genetics didn't define the love I have for him," she says. "He's my child, no matter how he was conceived."

"I wish I knew that it's okay to grieve the loss of genetic connection”

For the Smith family, the decision to use donor eggs came after years of failed fertility treatments. While they’re overjoyed to have her twin daughters, Sarah says she wishes she had allowed herself more time to grieve the loss of genetic connection. "I was so excited to just move forward and finally have a baby, I didn’t give myself time to grieve," she says. “It wasn’t until years later when I finally started seeing a therapist that I realized I had underlying insecurities and grief that I needed to process.” 

“I wish I knew that everyone comments on your child’s features, whether your child is genetically related to you or not"

Rachel and her husband now have two children - one biological and one donor-conceived. Rachel shares that one of the most surprising things she's encountered is how people always try to ask where certain traits come from. "It doesn't matter if your child is genetically related to you or not - people are always trying to find similarities," she says. "I never realized it until I had a donor-conceived child, but people are constantly asking where certain traits come from, from height to personality to hair color" Rachel advises other parents to embrace the unique traits and qualities of each child and not worry too much about what others think. "At the end of the day, every child is a miracle and a blessing," she says.

"I wish I knew there is absolutely no shame in using donor eggs"

"I wish I knew there is absolutely no shame in using donor eggs," says Liz, a mother of two donor-conceived children. Liz went through several rounds of IVF before deciding to use donor eggs. "At first, we felt like we were going too far to have a child," she says. "But once we made the decision to use donor eggs, we realized that there was no shame in doing what was best for our family." Liz urges other parents considering donor eggs to remember that their decision is a personal one, and that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to fertility struggles. "There is no right or wrong way to start a family, as long as there is love and commitment," she adds.

"I wish I knew that it's important to talk about the process with your child"

For Rohan and his husband, using donor eggs to conceive their daughter was a no-brainer. However, as their daughter got older, they realized the importance of talking openly and honestly about the process with her. "We didn't want her to find out later and feel like we had kept something from her," Rohan says. "So we started talking about it early on and she's grown up knowing that she was conceived with help from a donor."

Using donor eggs to conceive can be a complicated and emotional process, but these parents have all found their own unique ways of navigating it. Whether it's acknowledging the loss of genetic connection or celebrating the love and connection they have with their child, each of them has a story to tell about their journey to parenthood. And their stories offer a reminder that there's no one "right" way to build a family.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

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*Names have been changed.

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In vitro fertilization (IVF) using donated eggs, or donor egg IVF, has revolutionized the way people approach family building. For many individuals and couples, it offers an opportunity for one parent to have a biological connection where it may not have been possible otherwise. 

We spoke to several parents who conceived their children via donor eggs to learn more about their experiences and what they want others to know.

The decision to use donor eggs

For most parents who conceived via an egg donor, the decision to use this approach comes after much reflection and research. Many report trying other methods, including fertility treatments, before turning to donor egg IVF.

While the process of using donor eggs can be daunting, many parents report feeling a sense of relief once they made the decision. "It was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders," says Megan*, a mother of two via donor eggs. "We had been trying for years with no success, and once we made the decision to use donor eggs, it was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. We finally had a plan in place."

The emotional rollercoaster of donor egg IVF

For parents who use donor eggs, the emotional journey of IVF can be intense. There can be a range of feelings involved, including grief, loss, guilt, and anxiety. This is especially true for those who experience a failed cycle or miscarriage.

"I wish I had known just how emotional it was going to be," says Sarah, a mother via donor eggs. "I went into it thinking it was just a medical procedure, but it's so much more than that. You're creating a life, and it's emotional and intense. It's important to have a support system in place."

Genetic connection: the pros and cons

One of the most significant considerations for parents who use donor eggs is the lack of genetic connection between the parent and child. While some parents report feeling a sense of loss or grief around this fact, others find that it is not a significant issue.

"I was worried about the genetic connection at first," says Chase, a father of two via donor eggs. "But now that they're here, it's not something that I think about very often. They're our children, and that's what matters."

Another consideration is how to approach the topic of donor eggs with the child. Many parents choose to be open and honest about their child's conception, while others wait until the child is older to broach the subject.

"There's no right or wrong way to approach it," says Lisa, a mother of one via donor eggs. "But the important thing is that you approach it."

Navigating societal stigmas

Despite the increasing prevalence of donor egg IVF, there can still be societal stigmas and misconceptions surrounding the procedure. Some parents report feeling judged or misunderstood by others, including family members.

"I wish people understood that it's not something we did lightly," says Jennifer, a mother of one via donor eggs. "It was a difficult decision, and it's not something we take lightly. We wanted to have a family, and donor eggs gave us that opportunity."

Moving forward: advice for other parents

For parents who are considering using donor eggs, the advice from those who have gone through the process is invaluable. Here are some tips and recommendations to keep in mind:

• Seek support: Whether it's from a therapist, support group, or loved ones, having a support system in place can be incredibly helpful.
• Educate yourself: Do your research and learn as much as you can about the process and what to expect.
• Be open and honest: Whether it's with your partner, family, or child, being open and honest about your journey can help foster a sense of understanding and acceptance.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help: IVF can be expensive and overwhelming, but there are resources available to help offset costs and provide guidance.

In the end, the decision to use donor eggs is a personal one that requires careful consideration and reflection. However, for those who embark on this journey, the rewards can be immeasurable.

As Kamala, a mother of twins via donor eggs, says, "I wouldn't change a thing. Our children are our world, and we're so grateful for the opportunity to have them in our lives. They are ours."

*Names have been changed

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

The path to parenthood can take many roads. There is no single “right way” to become a parent, so you may be debating which path is the right one for you. Two options include egg donation or adoption. 

If you’re asking yourself “should I adopt or find a donor?” then this article is for you. Here, we’ll explore the pros and cons of egg donation, adoption, and embryo donation to help you make the best decision for your family.

What Is egg donation?

The first child born from egg donation was reported in Australia in 1983 and the first American child born from egg donation was in February 1984. Before this medical intervention, for most, adoption was the only path to parenthood. Egg donation opened the door for more people to become parents. 

Egg donation is ideal for those who:

• Have experienced infertility
• Have high risks of passing on genetic disorders to their offspring
• Have diminished ovarian reserve or early menopause.
• Have had multiple unsuccessful IVF cycles
• Are single 
• Are in a same-sex relationship

Pros of using donor eggs

✅ High success rates – donor egg IVF offers higher pregnancy success rates than using one’s own eggs.
✅ Biological connection – the child may share a genetic link with one parent.
✅ Experience pregnancy – if you plan to carry the pregnancy, you can still go through pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing.
✅ Biological siblings – if you already have children, donor eggs can allow for genetic siblings.

Cons of using donor eggs

❌ Emotional considerations – Some may grieve the loss of a genetic link to the mother.
❌ Finding the right donor – The process of selecting an egg donor can take time.
❌ Financial costs – though with our Family by Co platform, we’ve removed cash compensation for donors from the equation. Instead, our donors freeze their eggs entirely for free when giving half of the eggs retrieved to your family.
❌ No guarantees – While donor eggs have higher success rates, there’s no guarantee an embryo will be created or result in pregnancy.

What is adoption?

Adoption is the legal process through which a person assumes the parenting responsibilities for someone else's biological child. The concept of adoption exists across cultures and countries and may be traced all the way back to 6th century AD Roman Law. During this time, if the family patriarch did not have a male heir, an heir could be adopted. This was important for the Romans because by adopting one another’s sons, the nobility ensured the wealth would stay within a few families. 

In the United States, the first modern adoption legislation, the Adoption of Children Act, was passed in Massachusetts in 1851. This act required judges to determine that adoptive parents had “sufficient ability to bring up the child” and that “it is fit and proper that such adoption should take effect.” 

Today there are different types of adoption, including:

• Domestic adoption – Adopting a child within your own country.
• International adoption – Adopting a child from another country.
• Open or semi-open adoption – The birth parent may have ongoing contact with the child.

Pros of adoption

✅ Providing a loving home – Adoption gives a child a stable and supportive family.

✅ Proven success – Studies have shown that adoptive children are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol and more likely to graduate from high school and go on to college than those who remain in foster care. They are also more likely to have successful careers and strong relationships.

✅ Peace of mind for birth parents – Birth parents often feel reassured that their child is in a loving, caring home.

Cons of adoption

❌ Time-consuming process – Adoption can take 9–12 months or longer.
❌ Cost – Domestic infant adoptions can range from $40,000 to $70,000+.
❌ Birth parent rights – In some cases, birth parents may change their minds during pregnancy or up to 30 days after adoption.
❌ Ongoing birth parent involvement – Since most adoptions are open, there is a chance that the birth parent may want to be a part of the child’s life, and that may be difficult for some adopting parents.
❌ Not always inclusive – Different states have different laws on who can become an adoptive parent based on age, sexual orientation and even religious affiliation.

What is embryo donation?

Embryo donation is an option for individuals and couples who have not been successful with traditional infertility treatments. In this process, frozen embryos donated by others are transferred to the recipient’s uterus, offering an alternative to egg and sperm donation.

Pros of embryo donation

✅ Shorter wait times – Embryos are already created and available.
✅ Lower costs – Typically less expensive than egg donation and adoption.
✅ Experience pregnancy – You can still carry the pregnancy, give birth, and nurse your baby.

Cons of embryo donation

❌ Limited genetic history – Embryo donation is technically an adoption. You may not have access to the full medical history of the embryo’s biological parents.
❌ Matching delays – Although embryos are readily available, it can still take time to find the right match.
❌ No guarantee of success – As with any fertility treatment, pregnancy is not guaranteed.

Which one is right for me?

The decision to use medical intervention to conceive a child or to go through an adoption agency to start a family is an extremely personal one. As you can see above, all paths come with their own set of unique challenges. 

The best thing you can do is become educated in all your options. Get second and third expert opinions. Seek out legal counsel and ask questions.

When considering your options, think about:

• Genetic connection – If having a biological child is important to you, egg donation or embryo donation may be the right path.
• Pregnancy experience – If you want to carry a pregnancy, egg donation or embryo donation allows for that experience.
• Time and cost – Adoption can take longer and cost significantly more, while egg donation and embryo donation have higher success rates.
• Ethical and emotional considerations – Both processes come with their own set of emotional challenges, so it’s essential to be well-informed.

No matter what path you choose, you are not alone. Many families have navigated this journey before you—and each one has found the path that was meant for them.

Religion can be a great source of comfort and solace during the most difficult of times. Religion has been implicated in reduced mortality, expedited recovery from illness, and improved mental health. It can encourage healthy lifestyles, provide social support, and provide meaning to life. But it can also impact help seeking behavior, especially when it comes to fertility treatment. Religiosity has been associated with greater concerns about infertility treatment, which, in turn, decreases the likelihood of help seeking (i.e IVF, egg donation etc).

Religion and assisted reproductive technology (ART)

The use of donor gametes to create embryos can ignite some serious debate in many faith circles. Some faiths say fertility treatments go against their beliefs and should not be used, even if it means someone will never become a parent otherwise. Meanwhile, other religions have no issues with it at all, as long as certain “rules” are followed. 

A Pew Research study conducted in 2013 asked people living in the United States about the moral acceptability of using in-vitro fertilization to have a family. One-third said it is morally acceptable, 12% said it was morally wrong, and 46% said it was not even a moral issue. The survey found modest differences in opinion among social and demographic groups, including religious groups, about the moral acceptability of IVF. 

But for many religious people their religious beliefs strongly inform their understanding of fertility and parenthood. Procreation can be an important tenet of a religion along with prescribed roles for the male and female partner when it comes to parenthood. So what if you want a family and the only way that family can be created is through egg donation? And what if you are someone who holds strongly to their faith - a faith that carried you through troubled times - only to discover that very faith does not give you its blessing to have the family you have prayed for? 

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What if you are someone who holds strongly to their faith - a faith that carried you through troubled times - only to discover that very faith does not give you its blessing to have the family you have prayed for?

How do I navigate making a decision?

You want to adhere to the teachings of your religion and at the same time you also have a very strong desire to have a child.  What should you consider when deciding how you want to proceed so you can feel good about your decision? How can you find a way to remain connected to your beliefs even if your choice is different from what is taught by your religion?

Give yourself permission to imagine different options

Play your life tape forward and really imagine how it feels to go against your beliefs in order to achieve pregnancy. Now imagine how it feels to stay strong in your beliefs and never be a parent. Discuss these options with your partner. Write them down in a journal and come back to them in a few weeks. Does one evoke a bigger emotion? Does one feel better than the other? There is no right or wrong and there is no judgment - you are allowed to imagine and really think through your different options. 

Speak to trusted members of your community.

Speak to respected and trusted members of your faith community. Ask questions to fully understand what your religion’s expectations are regarding parenthood and regarding ART and IVF and donor eggs. What are your expectations? Do they match or are they very different? 

If they are different, would you ever make a decision to pursue donor egg IVF that isn’t sanctioned by your religious teachings? If yes, how would your community support you? Would you be ostracized? What does it mean to be against these teachings?  If you would never go against the teachings, then how can your religion provide guidelines about living child free? Would you be able to find peace regarding infertility from your religious teachings? Studies have shown that infertile women with higher levels of spiritual well-being reported fewer depressive symptoms and less overall distress from their infertility experience because of the support from their religious community.  

Summing it up

Faith can be an essential aspect of a person’s life. Sometimes it is possible that not all  tenants align. But that does not necessarily mean that you forsake your faith, nor does that necessarily mean you give up your desire for a family. It may mean digging even further and leaning even stronger into your faith.  It may mean exploring all your different options by researching, talking, asking questions, and praying. All of these things can open doors and create alternative paths to parenthood that you may not have ever considered.

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