Applying to Be an Egg Donor? Here’s How to Ask About Family Medical History (Without Sharing Your Plans)

If you're considering becoming an egg donor, you've probably noticed that one of the more detailed parts of the application is the family medical history section. It's thorough for good reason — intended parents want to understand any potential inherited health risks, and fertility clinics need accurate records to determine your eligibility. But here’s where many hopeful donors hit a wall: how do you ask your parents or relatives for detailed medical information… without having to explain that you’re applying to donate your eggs?

It’s a fair concern. While we encourage everyone to be open and honest about their egg donation journey, you may not feel ready to talk about your decision before you’ve fully committed to move forward. Maybe your family isn’t familiar with egg donation, or you want to keep this process private until you're further along. Whatever the reason, you're not alone. In fact, we’ve seen many applicants pause at this stage. The good news is, there are easy, non-invasive ways to get the info you need without revealing your plans.

In this article, we’ll walk you through how to ask about family health history in a natural, pressure-free way. We’ll share real-world prompts you can use(literally, copy/paste if you'd like)and offer tips for navigating trickier conversations. Whether you're asking about your grandparents' medical history or clarifying a diagnosis in the family, this guide is designed to help you move forward with confidence and respect.

Why family medical history matters in egg donation

Family medical history is a core part of egg donor screening. It helps fertility doctors evaluate health patterns across generations that could impact egg quality, embryo development, or future health for intended parents and their potential child. The form asks about conditions like cancer, diabetes, psychological disorders, heart disease, and genetic conditions, among others for first-degree relatives (parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, and uncles)..

But even if you know your own health well, it’s common to not know everything about the health of your family members—especially if you don’t see those relatives often or if your family (like mine) doesn’t talk much about health topics. Many applicants find themselves learning about family health history for the first time when they apply for our program!

We know asking personal health questions can feel awkward, even more so when you're doing it for a reason you’re not ready to disclose. The key is to ask in a way that feels casual, responsible, and believable.

Set the stage with a simple reason

When asking family members for health info, it’s helpful to approach the conversation from a place of genuine curiousity. You don’t need to lie about why you’re asking these questions, but you can choose a reason that makes sense for you and doesn’t invite follow-up questions you’re not ready to answer.

Here are a few natural, low-pressure ways to open the conversation:

• “I’ve been trying to get better about knowing our family’s health history. Can I ask you a few things for my own records?”
• “I’m seeing a new doctor and they asked me about our family’s medical history, I realized I don’t actually know that much.”
• “I’m filling out some medical forms that ask about family health stuff and wanted to make sure I’m getting it right.”
• “I set a goal this year to be more on top of my health, and part of that is understanding our family medical history. Do you mind if I ask a few things?”

Each of these opens the door to a respectful, curious conversation while keeping the conversation focused on what you need to know.

Copy-and-paste prompts you can use

If you’re feeling unsure about what to say, feel free to use or adapt these messages. You can ask in person, over the phone, or even by text, depending on your relationship and communication style.

To a parent or close relative:

“Hey! I’m filling out some medical paperwork and it asks a bunch of questions about family medical history. Do you know if anyone in our family has ever had any genetic conditions, like Huntington’s, cystic fibrosis, or anything similar?”

“I’m working on some health forms and realized I don’t know if Grandma or Grandpa had any major health issues later in life—things like Alzheimer’s, cancer, or heart disease. Do you know?”

“I’m trying to keep a better record of family health stuff and I realized I don’t know much about Dad’s side of the family. Do you know if there’s a history of cancer or anything like that?”

“Hi! I’m chatting with a friend about our grandmothers. Can you remind me what Nana passed away from, and how old she was when she passed?

If they ask why you're asking:

If someone pushes for more information, you can stay honest while still keeping your reasons private:

“Nothing is wrong, I just realized how little of this I actually know and wanted to have it on hand in case I need it in the future.”

“I’m just doing some adulting and getting more organized with health stuff.”

“I’ve had a few medical forms lately that ask about this kind of thing, so I figured it’s a good time to check.”

You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation, especially if you’re still deciding whether or not to move forward with donating.

Tips for collecting accurate info

• Start with what you already know. If you’ve heard mentions of certain diagnoses or family health patterns before, you can use those as an entry point. (“Didn’t Aunt Carol have breast cancer? Was it early-onset?”)
• Use a checklist. Prior to doing this outreach, take a pass at this section of our application on your own. That way, you can isolate the areas you need more information on ahead of time and get the answers you need quickly.
• Take notes right away. Once you get answers, jot them down while they’re fresh, even if it’s just a quick note in your phone. This saves you from having to ask again later.
• Be okay with “I don’t know.” Not every question will have a clear answer, and that’s okay. Just do your best with the information that’s available.
  

How to handle sensitive topics

Some families aren’t used to talking openly about medical issues. And some topics — like mental health, substance use, or certain genetic conditions — can be especially sensitive. If you’re approaching one of these, you can soften your tone without avoiding the question altogether.

Try saying:

“I’m not trying to get into anyone’s business, but I saw a question about things like depression or anxiety in a family medical history form I’m filling out and wanted to ask in case you happen to know.”

“Do you know if there have been any diagnoses in the family related to learning disabilities, autism, or developmental differences?”

“Were there ever any heart-related issues or strokes in the family, especially on Dad’s side?”

It’s okay to approach these conversations with care. You’re not interrogating anyone — you’re gathering helpful, responsible information. Most people will appreciate that you're being thoughtful about your health.

What if you’re adopted or estranged from your family?

If you don’t have access to your biological family’s health history, unfortunately, that does disqualify you from becoming an egg donor. Understanding your full genetic background is an important factor in determining one’s eligibility for egg donation, as it allows the clinic and the recipients to fully understand any factors that may impact future children.

If you’re unable to access your family medical history, or there are factors that impact your eligibility for our Split program, you may still be eligible for egg freezing for your own use. Family medical history does not influence one’s eligibility for our Keep program, and our team is here to help you find the best path forward.

Moving forward, on your terms

If you’re still in the early stages of deciding whether egg donation is right for you, it’s okay to go at your own pace. But if this is the only thing holding you back from applying, we hope this guide gives you the language and tools to keep going.

Getting clear on your family’s health history is a good thing, regardless of whether you move forward with egg donation. It’s information that can serve you in your own medical care, in future pregnancies, and in understanding your genetic background more clearly.

When you’re ready, you can pick up the application right where you left off by logging in here, or start one by taking our quiz. We’re here if you have questions, and we want you to feel supported every step of the way.