infertility

Premature ovarian failure (POF) is a condition in which your ovaries stop functioning properly before the age of 40. POF affects about 1% of females, and is also known as premature ovarian insufficiency (POI) or premature menopause. In this article, we'll discuss the causes, symptoms, diagnosis, treatment options for POF, and how it can affect your mental and emotional well-being.

What causes premature ovarian failure?

POF is a complex and multifactorial condition, with the exact cause remaining unknown in the vast majority (90%) of cases. However, research suggests that the problem is often related to issues with the follicles (the small sacs in the ovaries where the eggs mature). Some people with POF may run out of functional follicles earlier than expected, while others may have follicles that are not functioning properly. 

While the cause is often unknown, there are several factors that have been linked to POF. These include genetic disorders such as Fragile X syndrome and Turner syndrome, autoimmune diseases such as thyroiditis and Addison disease, exposure to toxins like cigarette smoke, chemicals, and pesticides, as well as certain metabolic disorders. Additionally, treatments such as chemotherapy or radiation therapy can also increase the risk of developing POF.

Symptoms of premature ovarian failure

The symptoms of POF are similar to those of menopause, and include irregular periods, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and mood changes. Those with POF may also experience infertility or difficulty getting pregnant. In addition, POF can increase the risk of osteoporosis and heart disease. POF can also lead to a decrease in libido and sexual function, as well as depression and anxiety.

How do I know if I have premature ovarian failure? 

POF is diagnosed based on symptoms, medical history, and blood tests that measure levels of certain hormones. Females with POF typically have low levels of estrogen and high levels of follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which stimulates the ovaries to produce eggs. A pelvic exam and ultrasound may also be performed to evaluate the ovaries and determine if there are any structural abnormalities.

Premature ovarian failure and estrogen levels

POF can lead to low estrogen levels, which can cause a range of symptoms. Estrogen plays a vital role in the reproductive system and overall health. It helps regulate the menstrual cycle, maintains bone density, and supports vaginal and urinary health. When estrogen levels drop, you may experience symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, mood changes, and difficulty sleeping. All of these are generally a result of lower estrogen levels.

Premature ovarian failure and FSH levels

Follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) is a hormone that stimulates the growth of ovarian follicles and the production of estrogen. In those with premature ovarian failure, FSH levels are typically high due to the lack of viable follicles in the ovaries. High levels of FSH can be a useful tool in diagnosing POF.

Premature ovarian failure and AMH levels

Anti-Mullerian hormone (AMH) is a hormone that is produced by the ovarian follicles. Low levels of AMH can be a sign of a low ovarian reserve, which is a common characteristic of premature ovarian failure. While AMH levels can be useful in diagnosing POF, they are not always a reliable indicator of fertility potential.

Do you still have eggs with premature ovarian failure?

Premature ovarian failure is usually characterized by a decline in the number of eggs you have. However, some individuals with premature ovarian failure may still have a small number of eggs in their ovaries, especially early in the diagnosis. 

This can be determined through an ovarian reserve test, which measures the number of follicles (fluid-filled sacs that contain immature eggs) present in the ovaries.

However, for most individuals with premature ovarian failure, the number of eggs left may be too low for successful fertility treatment using their own eggs. In these cases, donor eggs may be a viable option for achieving a healthy pregnancy.

Can premature ovarian failure be cured?

There is no cure for POF, but there are several treatment options available. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can help alleviate symptoms of menopause and reduce the risk of osteoporosis and heart disease. Those with POF who wish to conceive can also explore fertility treatments like in vitro fertilization (IVF) with donor eggs. This can be a successful option for those with POF since the donor eggs come from women who are more likely to produce healthy embryos.

Can someone with premature ovarian failure get pregnant?

While premature ovarian failure can make it difficult to conceive unassisted, it is still possible for some people to get pregnant with the help of assisted reproductive technologies, like donor egg IVF.  In some cases, patients with POF may even be able to use their own eggs if they have enough viable follicles remaining. However, the success rates of these treatments are generally lower than for people without POF.

The good news, though,  is that people with POF are generally able to carry a healthy pregnancy!

Can you do IVF with premature ovarian failure?

Yes! IVF may be an option for those with premature ovarian failure who still have a small number of eggs in their ovaries. In some cases, these eggs can be retrieved and used for IVF. But it may take higher doses of medications, and more cycles to achieve success.

However, if you have very few or no eggs remaining, IVF with donor eggs may be recommended instead. 

Mental and emotional well-being, and coping strategies

POF can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being. The diagnosis of POF can be devastating, and you may experience a range of emotions, including grief, anger, and depression. It is so important to seek support from a mental health professional and to connect with others who have experienced POF. 

There are several coping strategies to manage your symptoms and improve your quality of life. Focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle by eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, and reducing stress. Those with POF can also explore alternative therapies such as yoga, meditation, or massage to help manage symptoms and gain a sense of inner peace. Those with POF should also be proactive about their healthcare by staying up to date on their medical appointments and advocating for themselves.

Bottom line

Premature ovarian failure can be a challenging condition to manage, but there are options available to help alleviate symptoms and increase the chances of starting a family. If you suspect you may have POF, it's important to speak with your doctor to start an evaluation.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

Coming to terms that you need a donor egg to have a family can elicit all kinds of emotions. A major emotion that plays a big role during this process is grief. Grief is that deep, overwhelming sorrow that comes from loss. In this case, it is the anguish that comes from the death or loss of the dream - the dream of a genetic child. In this article, we’ll discuss grief and how it relates to being told you need an egg donor to conceive. 

What is egg donor grief?

In the late 60s, Dr. Kubler-Ross introduced a model for understanding the psychological reaction to loss. She described a cycle composed of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model can also be applied to understand the concept of donor egg grief.

For those told that they will require the use of donor eggs to procreate, many of the stages described by Dr. Kubler-Ross can occur not only simultaneously but also repeatedly. Unlike the image above, the stages are also not always linear and do not have a specified time period. 

The different stages of donor egg grief can occur during the initial diagnosis, during the decision-making process regarding moving forward or not and for some all the way until the baby is born. The good news is that grief is normal, it is expected, and it does pass. The clouds part and happiness and joy can once again take over. 

The good news is that grief is normal, it is expected, and it does pass.

Signs that you have donor egg grief

Shock

Unless you have always known that you will require assistance to have a child, when you first learn about needing donor eggs, there is shock.  That initial shock usually wears off pretty fast  because we easily slip into denial. 

Denial

Denial is a common defense mechanism used to protect oneself from the reality that a donor egg is needed. Some people are in such denial that they switch clinics thinking that they need a second opinion or that their clinic is incompetent. Denial is normal and can be important for processing difficult information. During this you need to really understand and educate yourself about why you need a donor egg. Find out about your diagnosis, Ask a lot of questions. And yes, it is okay to get a second opinion. Some find that delving into educating themselves serves as an escape from reality, which is natural. But when you start seeing that you cannot escape the fact, then anger begins to kick in. 

Anger

Anger can come in many different forms. There may be anger at self for waiting too long, for not understanding how fertility works. There may be anger at the partner who does not have to surrender his genetics. There may be anger at friends or family who seem to so easily get pregnant. Anger is also a normal and natural response. During this time having an outlet, be it creative or physical, or whatever,  is essential. Channeling that rage and letting it out allows you to walk the path toward healing.

Bargaining

In order to move on from anger and to get a semblance of control, many move into bargaining. This can look like, “I will focus solely on treatment and 100% on clean eating and living, and I will donate money to fertility causes, if I can try IVF one more time. I know this time it will work, this time will be different.” The truth is that bargaining is really a way to protect oneself from the painful reality of that lost genetic connection, to not want to believe that this diagnosis is true. So thoughts such as, “I probably wasn’t doing the hormone injections right. My doctor wasn’t giving me strong enough hormones.” are also part of the process.  

Depression

If you start to feel persistent feelings of sadness, a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, hopelessness, issues with sleep, and fatigue, you are entering the stage of depression. Now is the time for self-compassion which is the process of turning compassion inward.  Now is the time to be kind and understanding and to give ourselves support and encouragement. Research shows that self-compassion can be a powerful source of coping and resilience as it can radically improve mental and physical wellbeing. 

Acceptance

The last and final stage of donor egg grief is acceptance. This is recognizing the reality that if you are to have a family, a donor egg will be required. This is when the longing to be a parent outweighs the need to procreate and have a genetic link to a child. This is when you no longer struggle with the loss of that genetic tie and instead decide to focus on what it will be like to finally be a parent. This is when the old expectations of how you saw yourself becomes redefined.  The definition of mothering, nurturing and family also changes and you start seeing a happy future once again. You start to realize that perhaps the best parts of you are not genetic, but things that were learned, nurtured and taught. And those are things you can and will pass down to your child. 

We are here for you

Whether you choose to match with an egg donor through Cofertility or elsewhere, it’s important to find a reputable and compassionate agency that will treat you with respect and provide you with the resources and support you need throughout the process. Remember that you are not alone, and that there is hope for building the family of your dreams, even if it looks different than what you imagined.

Read more:

• How Can I Come to Terms with Using Donor Eggs?
• The Parent-Child Relationship in Families Created Using Egg Donation
• Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs?

Going through fertility treatment can be full of stress, fear, sadness, and even shame. One of you may feel hopeful that donor egg IVF will work, while the other is afraid and not very sure. There are countless doctor visits, endless paperwork, and thousands of dollars being spent. In-between comes finding an egg donor, egg retrieval, embryo creation, hormonal injections, and implantation. But it’s not over yet. Now comes the dreaded two-week wait to find out if all of this has been successful or not.  Although fertility treatment can give you hope and a glimmer of light, it can also steal your peace of mind, and at times, what feels like your sanity. 

A donor egg IVF cycle can be a roller-coaster of emotions and what your partner needs most during this time is support. As the partner of someone going through IVF, what can you do to ensure they feel loved, supported, and understood? 

Actively listen

One of the best things the non-carrying partner can do to help support their partner through this time is to actively listen. Don’t try to fix anything and don’t try to solve anything. Don’t interrupt and be fully present in the conversation. Ask open-ended questions and let them talk. The point is for you to listen for understanding not for responding. 

Ask questions

When times are good and treatment is going well, it is easy to know what to say and do. But when things are not going well, the opposite is very true. It can be very hard to know what to say and how to help. So in times like these, it is okay to simply ask what you can do to make your partner feel loved and supported. Sometimes support may look and feel very different depending on the situation. Asking does not mean that you don’t care, it simply means you care so much that you want to make certain their needs are being met. 

Attend appointments

As the partner, you are also part of the treatment process, regardless if you are involved medically or not, the process of getting pregnant through IVF requires that both of you are present from start to finish. Attending appointments is important for so many reasons. One is so you can tag-team asking the doctor questions, and secondly having two sets of ears can also help verify the understanding of complicated procedures. Having you there helps your partner feel that they are not alone. The doctor’s office can be cold and sterile and having a warm hand to hold can ease some of that discomfort and fear. 

Create a safe space

It can be so difficult to be vulnerable, especially if treatment is not moving according to plan. It may make one feel that they are letting everyone down. Creating a non-judgmental space for your partner to be open, vulnerable, and honest is invaluable. Give them space to tell you how they are really feeling. Be empathic, loving, and non-judgemental. Actively listen and give them time to be fully seen and heard. Intentionally set time aside to be fully present and be open to whatever emotions that may come.

Educate yourself

To really support your partner you need to know what they are going through.  One way to do this is to educate yourself about the treatments, understand the procedures, know the medical terminology, risks, side effects, and outcomes. Read books, articles, and blogs about donor egg IVF. Listen to podcasts, join groups, and ask questions. LIke the ‘90s PSA used to say, “the more you know” the more we can increase empathy and understanding.

Respect your partner’s decisions

Throughout this article I have expounded the importance of you and your partner as a team in this fertility journey. That it takes both of you from start to finish. You both agreed on this plan to grow your family. But after multiple (or maybe even one) attempt, what if they are ready to stop and you aren’t?  You can be honest with what you want and how you feel. But, don’t make guilt a driving force for them to continue with treatment if they are done. At the end of the day it is their body and whatever they choose to do with their body, respect that decision. Sometimes this isn’t so dramatic as wanting to end treatment completely. It can also look like wanting to take a break, wanting to change clinics, adding holistic treatment to the plan. Whatever it may look like, have their back and respect their choices. 

Show tangible support

Showing emotional support is obviously important. But so is taking over responsibilities or chores you don’t normally do. Things like making dinner, making sure the laundry or grocery shopping is done, the dog’s vaccines are up-to-date. Toilet paper roll empty? Replace it. Just the everyday little things that need to be done on a daily basis. Taking some of those things off their plate can relieve a lot of unnecessary stress.

Seek professional help 

Sometimes the emotional toll of IVF can be too much. It is okay to seek professional help for you, or even both of you. Support groups that specialize in donor egg IVF can be a wonderful source of psychological and emotional support. As your partner’s main support it is also important for you to find support and time for self-care as well.

Skip baby-oriented events

If you or your partner is struggling with being around children, it is okay to decline invitations to baby showers, birthdays, or family gatherings that will be full of children. These events can trigger some pretty strong emotions. So when you see that invite, take the initiative and be the one to decline and send a gift in the mail.  

If you have a partner who is going through egg donor IVF, there are many things that you can do to help support your partner through this time. What support looks like may mean different things for different people, but one of the main things is that your partner feels that you are their safe place, and ultimately can be themselves and honest with you. Remember, you are both on the same team and only want the best for each other. Knowing you can count on each other to be there when times are tough strengthens the belief that together you can face whatever life throws at you. 

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The path to parenthood can take many roads. There is no single “right way” to become a parent, so you may be debating which path is the right one for you. Two options include egg donation or adoption. 

If you’re asking yourself “should I adopt or find a donor?” then this article is for you. Here, we’ll explore the pros and cons of egg donation, adoption, and embryo donation to help you make the best decision for your family.

What Is egg donation?

The first child born from egg donation was reported in Australia in 1983 and the first American child born from egg donation was in February 1984. Before this medical intervention, for most, adoption was the only path to parenthood. Egg donation opened the door for more people to become parents. 

Egg donation is ideal for those who:

• Have experienced infertility
• Have high risks of passing on genetic disorders to their offspring
• Have diminished ovarian reserve or early menopause.
• Have had multiple unsuccessful IVF cycles
• Are single 
• Are in a same-sex relationship

Pros of using donor eggs

✅ High success rates – donor egg IVF offers higher pregnancy success rates than using one’s own eggs.
✅ Biological connection – the child may share a genetic link with one parent.
✅ Experience pregnancy – if you plan to carry the pregnancy, you can still go through pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing.
✅ Biological siblings – if you already have children, donor eggs can allow for genetic siblings.

Cons of using donor eggs

❌ Emotional considerations – Some may grieve the loss of a genetic link to the mother.
❌ Finding the right donor – The process of selecting an egg donor can take time.
❌ Financial costs – though with our Family by Co platform, we’ve removed cash compensation for donors from the equation. Instead, our donors freeze their eggs entirely for free when giving half of the eggs retrieved to your family.
❌ No guarantees – While donor eggs have higher success rates, there’s no guarantee an embryo will be created or result in pregnancy.

What is adoption?

Adoption is the legal process through which a person assumes the parenting responsibilities for someone else's biological child. The concept of adoption exists across cultures and countries and may be traced all the way back to 6th century AD Roman Law. During this time, if the family patriarch did not have a male heir, an heir could be adopted. This was important for the Romans because by adopting one another’s sons, the nobility ensured the wealth would stay within a few families. 

In the United States, the first modern adoption legislation, the Adoption of Children Act, was passed in Massachusetts in 1851. This act required judges to determine that adoptive parents had “sufficient ability to bring up the child” and that “it is fit and proper that such adoption should take effect.” 

Today there are different types of adoption, including:

• Domestic adoption – Adopting a child within your own country.
• International adoption – Adopting a child from another country.
• Open or semi-open adoption – The birth parent may have ongoing contact with the child.

Pros of adoption

✅ Providing a loving home – Adoption gives a child a stable and supportive family.

✅ Proven success – Studies have shown that adoptive children are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol and more likely to graduate from high school and go on to college than those who remain in foster care. They are also more likely to have successful careers and strong relationships.

✅ Peace of mind for birth parents – Birth parents often feel reassured that their child is in a loving, caring home.

Cons of adoption

❌ Time-consuming process – Adoption can take 9–12 months or longer.
❌ Cost – Domestic infant adoptions can range from $40,000 to $70,000+.
❌ Birth parent rights – In some cases, birth parents may change their minds during pregnancy or up to 30 days after adoption.
❌ Ongoing birth parent involvement – Since most adoptions are open, there is a chance that the birth parent may want to be a part of the child’s life, and that may be difficult for some adopting parents.
❌ Not always inclusive – Different states have different laws on who can become an adoptive parent based on age, sexual orientation and even religious affiliation.

What is embryo donation?

Embryo donation is an option for individuals and couples who have not been successful with traditional infertility treatments. In this process, frozen embryos donated by others are transferred to the recipient’s uterus, offering an alternative to egg and sperm donation.

Pros of embryo donation

✅ Shorter wait times – Embryos are already created and available.
✅ Lower costs – Typically less expensive than egg donation and adoption.
✅ Experience pregnancy – You can still carry the pregnancy, give birth, and nurse your baby.

Cons of embryo donation

❌ Limited genetic history – Embryo donation is technically an adoption. You may not have access to the full medical history of the embryo’s biological parents.
❌ Matching delays – Although embryos are readily available, it can still take time to find the right match.
❌ No guarantee of success – As with any fertility treatment, pregnancy is not guaranteed.

Which one is right for me?

The decision to use medical intervention to conceive a child or to go through an adoption agency to start a family is an extremely personal one. As you can see above, all paths come with their own set of unique challenges. 

The best thing you can do is become educated in all your options. Get second and third expert opinions. Seek out legal counsel and ask questions.

When considering your options, think about:

• Genetic connection – If having a biological child is important to you, egg donation or embryo donation may be the right path.
• Pregnancy experience – If you want to carry a pregnancy, egg donation or embryo donation allows for that experience.
• Time and cost – Adoption can take longer and cost significantly more, while egg donation and embryo donation have higher success rates.
• Ethical and emotional considerations – Both processes come with their own set of emotional challenges, so it’s essential to be well-informed.

No matter what path you choose, you are not alone. Many families have navigated this journey before you—and each one has found the path that was meant for them.

Religion can be a great source of comfort and solace during the most difficult of times. Religion has been implicated in reduced mortality, expedited recovery from illness, and improved mental health. It can encourage healthy lifestyles, provide social support, and provide meaning to life. But it can also impact help seeking behavior, especially when it comes to fertility treatment. Religiosity has been associated with greater concerns about infertility treatment, which, in turn, decreases the likelihood of help seeking (i.e IVF, egg donation etc).

Religion and assisted reproductive technology (ART)

The use of donor gametes to create embryos can ignite some serious debate in many faith circles. Some faiths say fertility treatments go against their beliefs and should not be used, even if it means someone will never become a parent otherwise. Meanwhile, other religions have no issues with it at all, as long as certain “rules” are followed. 

A Pew Research study conducted in 2013 asked people living in the United States about the moral acceptability of using in-vitro fertilization to have a family. One-third said it is morally acceptable, 12% said it was morally wrong, and 46% said it was not even a moral issue. The survey found modest differences in opinion among social and demographic groups, including religious groups, about the moral acceptability of IVF. 

But for many religious people their religious beliefs strongly inform their understanding of fertility and parenthood. Procreation can be an important tenet of a religion along with prescribed roles for the male and female partner when it comes to parenthood. So what if you want a family and the only way that family can be created is through egg donation? And what if you are someone who holds strongly to their faith - a faith that carried you through troubled times - only to discover that very faith does not give you its blessing to have the family you have prayed for? 

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What if you are someone who holds strongly to their faith - a faith that carried you through troubled times - only to discover that very faith does not give you its blessing to have the family you have prayed for?

How do I navigate making a decision?

You want to adhere to the teachings of your religion and at the same time you also have a very strong desire to have a child.  What should you consider when deciding how you want to proceed so you can feel good about your decision? How can you find a way to remain connected to your beliefs even if your choice is different from what is taught by your religion?

Give yourself permission to imagine different options

Play your life tape forward and really imagine how it feels to go against your beliefs in order to achieve pregnancy. Now imagine how it feels to stay strong in your beliefs and never be a parent. Discuss these options with your partner. Write them down in a journal and come back to them in a few weeks. Does one evoke a bigger emotion? Does one feel better than the other? There is no right or wrong and there is no judgment - you are allowed to imagine and really think through your different options. 

Speak to trusted members of your community.

Speak to respected and trusted members of your faith community. Ask questions to fully understand what your religion’s expectations are regarding parenthood and regarding ART and IVF and donor eggs. What are your expectations? Do they match or are they very different? 

If they are different, would you ever make a decision to pursue donor egg IVF that isn’t sanctioned by your religious teachings? If yes, how would your community support you? Would you be ostracized? What does it mean to be against these teachings?  If you would never go against the teachings, then how can your religion provide guidelines about living child free? Would you be able to find peace regarding infertility from your religious teachings? Studies have shown that infertile women with higher levels of spiritual well-being reported fewer depressive symptoms and less overall distress from their infertility experience because of the support from their religious community.  

Summing it up

Faith can be an essential aspect of a person’s life. Sometimes it is possible that not all  tenants align. But that does not necessarily mean that you forsake your faith, nor does that necessarily mean you give up your desire for a family. It may mean digging even further and leaning even stronger into your faith.  It may mean exploring all your different options by researching, talking, asking questions, and praying. All of these things can open doors and create alternative paths to parenthood that you may not have ever considered.

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According to The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists (ACOG), a woman's peak reproductive years are between her late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility starts to decline, and once a woman reaches her mid-30s, this decline starts to happen at a much faster rate. By the time she reaches 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is not very likely. 

Although the female ovarian reserve is the most crucial component of a couple’s per cycle fertility, the age of the male partner also has a significant impact on reproduction. Beyond the fact that older men tend to have older female partners, increasing male age is associated with increased time to conception. Of course, these are the general statistics – there are always outliers. 

But with more people delaying childbirth due to a myriad of reasons, and with more options such as egg donation, sperm donation, surrogacy, and IVF allowing people to become parents well past their peak reproductive years, many are wondering, am I just too old to be a parent? 

Am I too old to become a parent?

Just because medical technology is allowing people to become parents later in life, does it mean they should?  Is there an age where it is maybe too late to be a parent? The motivation for wanting to become a parent, regardless of age, is similar. The only difference is that one set has postponed parenting and will be entering parenthood at a later stage of life. This postponement can be due to many reasons. Personal, professional, financial, or medical reasons can all play a role as to why someone has postponed parenthood. 

But is there a cut off point? Should people in their 40s and beyond be more realistic about their ability to physically parent? And why, regardless of the potential negatives associated with being older parents, are so many still choosing to be parents after the age of 40? 

A 2009 Pew Research Center survey found that half of the 50-year-olds in their survey reported feeling 10 years younger than their actual age. This experience of feeling younger with the fact that people are living longer, paired with what we are shown in the media, there is no wonder that we feel that parenthood after 40 is the norm or is easily attainable. When in actuality, it is not the norm, and requires a lot of medical intervention. It is also no surprise that we overestimate our mortality and underestimate the difficulties of being an older parent and don’t spend enough time considering the potential negative impacts for both the parents and the children. 

Society definitely has thoughts and opinions on what is too old. Bowman and Saunders surveyed 44,000 people across 25 countries about ‘how old is too old to be a parent?’ 96% cited 41.7 for women and 90% cited 47.3 for men. Yet interestingly, the median age of U.S. women giving birth for the first time rose from 27 years to 30, the highest on record. It appears that decisions by college-educated women to invest in their education and careers, as well as the desire by working women to wait until they are more financially secure, has contributed to the shift toward older motherhood.

What are the advantages to being an older parent?

Some benefits that have been cited by older parents include: having established careers with financial security, and  flexibility with their time, emotional preparedness, committed relationships, and a positive overall family experience. 

One study found that children born to older men - men who had higher than average paternal age - are more likely to have a high IQ and are more likely to achieve educational success, which leads to a stronger socioeconomic status which can lead to a better quality of life.  Another study found that aging sperm might actually produce children with longer telomeres that protect DNA while being copied, which is linked to longevity for not one, but two generations of offspring. So your child and their child might live a longer life.  

Harvard scientist Ellen Langer, who studies how the mind influences the body, found that older first-time mothers are often healthier as they age than women who have their first children younger, perhaps because they are spending their time with younger women at playgrounds and preschools.  A 2016 University of Southern California study examined a group of over 800 women between the ages of 41 and 92. Researchers found that women who had their last baby after 35 had better cognition and verbal memory later in life than those who first became parents at a younger age. So there is a protective factor when it comes to mental acuity.  

A 2016 Danish study found that older mothers were more adept at setting boundaries with their kids, and were less likely to yell at and harshly punish them, leading to fewer behavioral, social, and emotional difficulties down the road. They also had less anxiety during pregnancy, had more stable relationships, and were in better shape financially.  Researchers studied 462 women and found that women who had their last child after 33 were more likely to live to 95. In fact, they have twice the chance to live to 95 or older than those who had their last child before their 30^th birthday.

What are the disadvantages of being an older parent?

‍With all these advantages, it is hard to imagine what could be so bad about becoming a parent later in life. Some disadvantages that have been cited by older parents include: the unexpected difficulty in conceiving that culminated in the use of IVF and resulted in a smaller family than desired, lack of energy for parenting, less available lifetime to spend with children, and anticipated stigma as older parents.

Sometimes feeling, looking, and acting young is not the same as being young. And sometimes age is more than just a number. Think about your energy levels in your 20s. Now compare that to your energy levels now - which may be one, two, or three decades later, chances are, it just isn’t the same. Because of this, older parents find it difficult to keep up with their younger children - who by the way - maybe four or five decades younger.  Let’s face it, as we age, we slow down, we get tired, and parenting becomes more difficult. 

Becoming a parent at an older age also means learning how to become more flexible and adaptable in thinking and behavior. And that can be especially difficult the older one is since you are probably set in your ways, have your routines, and like things to be a certain way. Your pristine home? Your morning pilates or your weekly happy hour with friends? That will all change. Things will be different. And for some, even though all they have ever wanted was to be a parent, these changes and disruptions in their everyday life can be an extreme source of stress and anguish.

If you are between the ages of 35 - 54, you are what is known as the sandwich generation. According to the American Psychological Association’s 2007 Stress in America survey, this group feels more stress than any other age group because they are sandwiched between caring for growing children and their aging parents. The survey reveals that nearly 40 percent of women in this group report extreme levels of stress. This stress takes a toll not only on personal relationships, but also on their own well-being as they struggle to take better care of themselves, their young children, and their aging parents. Adding a newborn into the mix only exacerbates the stress and makes everything so much more difficult. 

Impact on children

‍Morris and Yarrow published books about the experiences of children who were born to parents between the ages of 35 and 40. Both positive and negative themes emerged from the research. 

On the positive end, the now adults, stated that they felt that their parents were mature, were stable in their relationships, and in their finances, and were very patient with them as children. They loved and appreciated their parents, but did wish they could have been born to those same parents earlier. 

One of the biggest negative themes included an intense fear of losing their parents. This concern about losing parents can be backed by data. As discussed in Fertility Counseling, less than 5% of children will lose their fathers by the time they turn 15 if fathered by a 35-year old man, 10% of children fathered by a 45-year-old man will lose their father by the time they turn 15, and 20% of children fathered by a 55-year old will lose their father by the time they turn 15. These numbers only get higher and higher as parental age gets higher. 

Age is a main risk factor for disease. Once you reach a certain age, not only are you worried about your child's health, but your own health starts to become a focus as well. Anyone at any age can have health issues, but statistically, as we get older, there is an increased risk of medical problems. And if you become a parent later in life, your child may not have you around for as long as you both would want. You do take a greater risk of not being there for them and not seeing them through the different phases of their life. 

For the children of older parents another impact was the sense of loss in terms of not having the influence of grandparents in their lives. And for many, being only children brought about loneliness during childhood. Children of older parents were also more likely to become caretakers for their parents at a younger age and thus felt higher levels of responsibility compared to their peers.  

Is there an optimal age?

According to Live Science, University of California, San Francisco, researchers set out to establish an “optimal” age for parenting. Most respondents believed being an “older” parent was more advantageous than being a younger parent, mostly because they were more “emotionally prepared.” Parents of both genders in the study overwhelmingly said their 30s would’ve been the ideal parenting age. 

Is it ever too late to be a parent?

Age impacts fertility and our ability to conceive naturally. But medical technology has found a way to circumvent biology and as a result, people in their 40s and 50s and even beyond now have the ability to be parents. Although there are many positives for parenting at a later stage in life, there are also some challenges. Having a clear understanding of the involved risks and taking into consideration the impact on future children, can help make better informed decisions.