Egg freezing is common enough now that most people know someone that has thought about it, has completed a cycle, or is currently taking medications for their upcoming retrieval. In fact, egg freezing cycles saw a 539% increase from 2014 to 2024, with over 38,000 people freezing their eggs in 2024 (the most recent year of data). That doesn’t mean, though, that people know how to best support their friends during this time.
We’ll break down all the ways you can be there for her that are both caring and appropriate for her procedure.
How to respond when she tells you
When your friend tells you she’s decided to freeze her eggs, your reaction is critical. She’s coming to you because she trusts you, and wants you to know.
Avoid questions or statements that may cause her to question freezing her eggs. This is a big life decision, and she’s likely already thought through the entire process and weighed the pros and cons for her situation. Questions like “Are you sure about this?” and “Why would you do that now?” are dismissive and will put her on the defensive.
If you have mixed feelings about her freezing her eggs, lean in with curiosity, not concern. Some questions might be:
- I don’t know much about egg freezing. How does that whole process work?
- When do you plan to start?
- Is there anything you should or shouldn’t do while you’re taking medications? E.g., should we pause our pilates classes during that time?
- Do you need someone to drive and pick you up on your retrieval day?
- What does recovery look like?
Egg freezing is a proactive choice, not a sign of a crisis. Even if she just went through a major life shift, egg freezing is letting her take control of her future.
The practical stuff that actually helps
While experiences vary from person to person, you can expect your friend to be experiencing symptoms similar to a heightened PMS: cramping, bloating, and fatigue. So, our advice is to do what you’d normally do for your friend on her period, just amped up a notch.
Here are some helpful things you can do:
- Keep track of her injection times, monitoring appointments, and retrieval date. Check in with her at those moments so she feels supported and thought of.
- Offer to call her while she does her injections. This can give her a huge boost of support, and a distraction if she needs it.
- Drive her to and from her egg retrieval appointment. She’ll need someone to do this since she’ll be put on anesthesia for the procedure.
- Prepare and drop off food, especially post-retrieval when she may not feel like cooking (Note: Avoid foods high in sugar, salt, or highly processed foods, as these are not recommended post-retrieval).
- Prepare a “survival kit” that she can come home to post-retrieval. A heating pad and cozy, loose pajamas will be her lifesavers.
Pairing this with things that fulfill her love language (e.g., if she loves quality time, offer to hang out with her and watch a movie) should make her feel cared for and supported.
What to avoid, even with good intentions
Even from someone with the best intentions, unsolicited advice is not what your friend wants to hear. It will feel more like pestering, and, if you haven’t undergone egg freezing yourself, unfounded. Instead, let her come to you, and when she does, listen for what she’s actually asking before you respond. For example,
“Do you think egg freezing is a good idea?”
“What do you think?”
“I think it is, but I’m nervous.”
Now you have the information you need for the appropriate response, one that focuses on reassuring her and calming her nerves.
Your friend also doesn’t want to hear secondhand horror stories, like “my cousin had a horrible experience.” These stories don’t help her. Instead, it’s just going to leave her feeling uneasy and reluctant to share her experience and create added, unnecessary anxiety.
Other items to avoid include asking questions about the cost and pain, no matter how curious you are. Don’t compare her timeline, decision, and reasons to freeze her eggs with those of others either. Comparison is the thief of joy, and sharing others’ stories, while in good faith, may come across like you’re judging her decisions instead of making her feel less alone.
Supporting her through the harder emotional stretch
Hormone shifts during her injection days are real. Her body is experiencing more hormone shifts than usual, so it’s expected that she may be more emotionally sensitive during this time. Rather than try to problem-solve or logic her way through her emotions, come with patience and care. Often a hug can do more than you think. And if you’re a long-distance bestie, shipping a bouquet of flowers to her door will be the virtual hug she needs.
It’s not uncommon for emotions to be heightened during this time. It’s important in these vulnerable times to reassure her while validating what she’s feeling in the moment. She’s giving her future self more options, it’ll be over sooner than she thinks, and you’re right there with her every step of the way.
Showing up on retrieval day
While retrieval is not typically painful, she may feel queasy from the anesthesia. The recovery, while typically only 1-2 days, may be a little uncomfortable, especially for friends that don’t have regular periods due to birth control and haven’t experienced regular cramping and bloating. Let her know that you’re there for her, ready with a cup of tea, a heating pad, and a chill movie or reading day.
Read More: What’s Recovery Like After an Egg Retrieval?
Even the smallest of gestures means a lot to her
Supporting someone isn’t about saying the right thing every time. It’s about being consistent, intentional, and thoughtful. If you’re really there for her, she’ll notice and appreciate it. You reading this blog shows your dedication to helping her! Take a deep breath. You got this. You’re already doing more than you even know.
Interested in egg freezing? Consider our Split program, where women can freeze their eggs for free – including all medications and 10 years of storage – when they donate to another family. Take our 2-minute quiz to see if you qualify.
